Cursed.
I've been accused (not recently mind you) of being afraid of commitment.
Something about being a guy.
Whatever.
Anyways, lately (for the past while) I've been undergoing an almost eery dating pattern that I am learning to dislike.
It seems I fall hardest for girls most likely to move on after a night of connection/intimacy/long talk whatever.
I've fallen very hard for these girls, and the second I do, things switch over, and I find out they've decided to see someone else. It almost happens to the second.
This isn't something I like to talk about, but it's very perninent to my current situation... the only women who stay around for anything resembling a bit, are flings that don't mean much emotionally, and flings that don't mean much emotionally.
As a practical upshot I haven't had a long term relationship in years, just flings, and one nighters that promise much but lead to great dissapointment.
I'm not given much of a choice in this regard either. It's changed me, however, to the point where I no longer trust anyone with my heart. It doesn't matter tho, because I'll still make the same mistake over and over again.
It's not like they don't want a commitment. Funny how they say 'I don't want a relationship.... just ask my brand new boyfriend'. Without fail.
I hate to have the 'nice guy' syndrome thing... where I say 'But I'm a nice guy.' But that's what it feels like. I feel used time and time again, like I'm just there for a quick fuck until the next boy comes along.
Anyone who has dated me knows that, while I am a rake, I am a gentleman, in that, I am polite, and do my damnest to treat a woman well.
The fact is, I DO NOT deserve to be treated this way, time and time and time again. I do not deserve to be cast aside like this. I do not deserve to be 'well, you got second place because buddy asked first even tho I asked you out in the first place.'
I am tired of connecting, having everything work out wonderfully, as perfect as can be... and then return and experience, not just the 'let's just be friends' but
'I'm too cowardly to deal with you honorably so I'll just ignore you until you go away. Hell, forget ignore you, I'll reflect my own self-loathing on you, use you to personify my issues, and actively give you nothing but silent contempt and shame.'
Not to be specific.
I'm not a slut to be fucked and tossed away anymore.
I'm a man, with feelings, and a desire to love and be loved, and that is non-negotiable. If you can't handle it, don't come near me. Don't say hi. Don't kiss my lips. Don't fuck me all night long. I will not be the personification of your personal demons anymore. If that's what you need, get used by some other man.
Something about being a guy.
Whatever.
Anyways, lately (for the past while) I've been undergoing an almost eery dating pattern that I am learning to dislike.
It seems I fall hardest for girls most likely to move on after a night of connection/intimacy/long talk whatever.
I've fallen very hard for these girls, and the second I do, things switch over, and I find out they've decided to see someone else. It almost happens to the second.
This isn't something I like to talk about, but it's very perninent to my current situation... the only women who stay around for anything resembling a bit, are flings that don't mean much emotionally, and flings that don't mean much emotionally.
As a practical upshot I haven't had a long term relationship in years, just flings, and one nighters that promise much but lead to great dissapointment.
I'm not given much of a choice in this regard either. It's changed me, however, to the point where I no longer trust anyone with my heart. It doesn't matter tho, because I'll still make the same mistake over and over again.
It's not like they don't want a commitment. Funny how they say 'I don't want a relationship.... just ask my brand new boyfriend'. Without fail.
I hate to have the 'nice guy' syndrome thing... where I say 'But I'm a nice guy.' But that's what it feels like. I feel used time and time again, like I'm just there for a quick fuck until the next boy comes along.
Anyone who has dated me knows that, while I am a rake, I am a gentleman, in that, I am polite, and do my damnest to treat a woman well.
The fact is, I DO NOT deserve to be treated this way, time and time and time again. I do not deserve to be cast aside like this. I do not deserve to be 'well, you got second place because buddy asked first even tho I asked you out in the first place.'
I am tired of connecting, having everything work out wonderfully, as perfect as can be... and then return and experience, not just the 'let's just be friends' but
'I'm too cowardly to deal with you honorably so I'll just ignore you until you go away. Hell, forget ignore you, I'll reflect my own self-loathing on you, use you to personify my issues, and actively give you nothing but silent contempt and shame.'
Not to be specific.
I'm not a slut to be fucked and tossed away anymore.
I'm a man, with feelings, and a desire to love and be loved, and that is non-negotiable. If you can't handle it, don't come near me. Don't say hi. Don't kiss my lips. Don't fuck me all night long. I will not be the personification of your personal demons anymore. If that's what you need, get used by some other man.