Fresh New Start
It has been a long time since i have posted here, and my former posts really do not fairly represent me anymore.
its called growing up.
i did that.
Still a nerd, still love Harry Potter and Twilight and Dragonball Z, and Pokemon, still hula-hooping and doing silly things with my hair.
I have grown a lot in the last year or so.
how?
I started by moving out of my parents' house. I lived in an apartment with my former-best friend for a year, but that fell apart due to her cruel and selfish behavior. i wont go into details, because this post isn't about trash talking anyone, but lets just say she is someone who uses people, and I have watched her do it for years and yet was somehow still surprised and blindsided when she did it to me.
So i have grown in the way that i don't take for granted that someone is my "best friend" or my roommate. just because i accept someone, accommodate them, suffer to make things work, try really hard, and take pride in my independence, but that doesn't mean anyone else will, or feel the same.
i wouldn't call myself bitter, just wiser.
I am also now in my first romantic relationship. i have never dated before, as has been documented extensively on this site, but i have fallen in love with the most AMAZING guy, and as scared of relationships as i have always been, i feel, and he caught me, and i feel SO safe, so loved, so special, and so lucky.
His name is Matthew, he is my age (a few months older) and i met him through our work, Tops.
Being in a relationship has REALLY helped me mature. i feel like a woman for the first time in my life, i have a sense of self-worth, a real pride about me. worth. its so amazing to look at him, know he is mine, that he chose me. i have cuddled for the first time, and it is the most wonderful thing in life! To snuggle up with someone i love, and watch a movie, or just close my eyes and listen to his heart, has made me truly love and appreciate life for the first time.
I am in love with him, unconditionally and irrevocably. We have only been dating since January 23rd, 2010, but i feel no need to shy away from my heart's desire to be with him, forever.
i know, i know, "first love" blah blah blah, people don't need to date around, if they know what they want, and find someone who fits PERFECTLY.
So long as he will keep me, I am his.
i know you cant rely on someone else to love you to love yourself, and that's not the case here. Matt loving me has made it possible for me to see it is even POSSIBLE to love me. i have learned to love myself, because i have realized that it is OK to love yourself, that i am far from perfect but that it's okay.
i feel healthy for the first time in my life, like i can finally breathe properly for the first time.
About Matt. he is a Manager at Tops. he is smart and witty, funny, and has a sense of humor i can really appreciate. he is a nerd, loves video games (started me on Warcraft) plays guitar, it super tall and slender, with long hair ad a beard. he wears skinny jeans and his favorite colour is purple. tats and piercings, non-smoker, great smile. warm heart, caring and giving. he wants to take care of me, and while I'm dangerously feminist sometimes, he is polishing out my rough edges. his patience with me is astonishing. i cant believe he puts up with me at all.
all i can do is quote Alanis Morissette and her song "Head over Feet"
I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it
You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience
You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long
I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
Being in love has taught me to love not only myself, but others more. i spent the first 23 years of my life intolerant and judgmental. i have flowered now into a woman that says "you gotta do what you gotta do" trying very hard to lead a life that lives and lets live. I have gay friends and it's all good. i don't care what god (if any) you believe in, etc. all i ask from any given person is that if they want me to accept them, that they have to accept me and extend to me that same respect. you know?
I'm not perfect yet, who is? i still have a knee-jerk reaction to be a little hostile, but i'm working on it. nothing happens over night.
I am working on listening better. it drives my boyfriend crazy that i am so stubborn and unwilling to listen to the opinions/advice of others, or if i do just do what i would have done in the first place anyways.
old-habits die hard.
working on it. i honestly am.
feel free to smack me in the mouth. :)
i have had a bad run of health issues lately. broke my right foot, wisdom teeth trying to kill me, had to get a root canal, etc. not fun. :(
I am moving again now. I am leaving my current apartment, and moving into the upper of my older brother's house. he rents out the whole upper floor, and it is a nice place. an old Victorian house, converted into a duplex. it's down on Elmwood, in Allentown. all art and music, queers and hippies. i love it down there. :)
the bathroom is BRIGHT orange, my living room/dining room/parlor are purple, my bedroom is Monster green (as in the energy drink. AMAZING) and the floors are black.
i am moving in with my boyfriend Matt and his friend (also named Matt) Meatsocks.
those are all the updates you get this time. it was a lot.
stuff has happened. :)
looking to be positive, looking to be a better person.
Still Drug-Free. Still Pro-Life. I want to save the oceans. I donate to the ASPCA. My goal in the next year is to adopt a shark (100$ that i have to save up) and I am still drawing. My BF bought me a REALLY great scanner and once i am moved it will be hooked up and i will be back to updating my DA account.
I hope you are all well, healthy, beautiful, and happy.
its called growing up.
i did that.
Still a nerd, still love Harry Potter and Twilight and Dragonball Z, and Pokemon, still hula-hooping and doing silly things with my hair.
I have grown a lot in the last year or so.
how?
I started by moving out of my parents' house. I lived in an apartment with my former-best friend for a year, but that fell apart due to her cruel and selfish behavior. i wont go into details, because this post isn't about trash talking anyone, but lets just say she is someone who uses people, and I have watched her do it for years and yet was somehow still surprised and blindsided when she did it to me.
So i have grown in the way that i don't take for granted that someone is my "best friend" or my roommate. just because i accept someone, accommodate them, suffer to make things work, try really hard, and take pride in my independence, but that doesn't mean anyone else will, or feel the same.
i wouldn't call myself bitter, just wiser.
I am also now in my first romantic relationship. i have never dated before, as has been documented extensively on this site, but i have fallen in love with the most AMAZING guy, and as scared of relationships as i have always been, i feel, and he caught me, and i feel SO safe, so loved, so special, and so lucky.
His name is Matthew, he is my age (a few months older) and i met him through our work, Tops.
Being in a relationship has REALLY helped me mature. i feel like a woman for the first time in my life, i have a sense of self-worth, a real pride about me. worth. its so amazing to look at him, know he is mine, that he chose me. i have cuddled for the first time, and it is the most wonderful thing in life! To snuggle up with someone i love, and watch a movie, or just close my eyes and listen to his heart, has made me truly love and appreciate life for the first time.
I am in love with him, unconditionally and irrevocably. We have only been dating since January 23rd, 2010, but i feel no need to shy away from my heart's desire to be with him, forever.
i know, i know, "first love" blah blah blah, people don't need to date around, if they know what they want, and find someone who fits PERFECTLY.
So long as he will keep me, I am his.
i know you cant rely on someone else to love you to love yourself, and that's not the case here. Matt loving me has made it possible for me to see it is even POSSIBLE to love me. i have learned to love myself, because i have realized that it is OK to love yourself, that i am far from perfect but that it's okay.
i feel healthy for the first time in my life, like i can finally breathe properly for the first time.
About Matt. he is a Manager at Tops. he is smart and witty, funny, and has a sense of humor i can really appreciate. he is a nerd, loves video games (started me on Warcraft) plays guitar, it super tall and slender, with long hair ad a beard. he wears skinny jeans and his favorite colour is purple. tats and piercings, non-smoker, great smile. warm heart, caring and giving. he wants to take care of me, and while I'm dangerously feminist sometimes, he is polishing out my rough edges. his patience with me is astonishing. i cant believe he puts up with me at all.
all i can do is quote Alanis Morissette and her song "Head over Feet"
I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it
You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience
You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long
I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
Click to viewBeing in love has taught me to love not only myself, but others more. i spent the first 23 years of my life intolerant and judgmental. i have flowered now into a woman that says "you gotta do what you gotta do" trying very hard to lead a life that lives and lets live. I have gay friends and it's all good. i don't care what god (if any) you believe in, etc. all i ask from any given person is that if they want me to accept them, that they have to accept me and extend to me that same respect. you know?
I'm not perfect yet, who is? i still have a knee-jerk reaction to be a little hostile, but i'm working on it. nothing happens over night.
I am working on listening better. it drives my boyfriend crazy that i am so stubborn and unwilling to listen to the opinions/advice of others, or if i do just do what i would have done in the first place anyways.
old-habits die hard.
working on it. i honestly am.
feel free to smack me in the mouth. :)
i have had a bad run of health issues lately. broke my right foot, wisdom teeth trying to kill me, had to get a root canal, etc. not fun. :(
I am moving again now. I am leaving my current apartment, and moving into the upper of my older brother's house. he rents out the whole upper floor, and it is a nice place. an old Victorian house, converted into a duplex. it's down on Elmwood, in Allentown. all art and music, queers and hippies. i love it down there. :)
the bathroom is BRIGHT orange, my living room/dining room/parlor are purple, my bedroom is Monster green (as in the energy drink. AMAZING) and the floors are black.
i am moving in with my boyfriend Matt and his friend (also named Matt) Meatsocks.
those are all the updates you get this time. it was a lot.
stuff has happened. :)
looking to be positive, looking to be a better person.
Still Drug-Free. Still Pro-Life. I want to save the oceans. I donate to the ASPCA. My goal in the next year is to adopt a shark (100$ that i have to save up) and I am still drawing. My BF bought me a REALLY great scanner and once i am moved it will be hooked up and i will be back to updating my DA account.
I hope you are all well, healthy, beautiful, and happy.