(no subject)
I wake suddenly, once again groping along the ice cold ground in search of a warmth that isn’t there. Neither of them are there. Sighing, I pull my hand back into the cocoon of blankets and curl up as small as I can. They aren’t here. Neither of them. Orlando because…because he’s not real. He doesn’t exist anymore. He’s not like Sala and Ioreth. He died. Died and I burned him to ash. He isn’t coming back. Ever.
The night closes in around me and slowly, I drift into a fitful sleep.
Cold invades my blankets. Ice like snakes that curl around my arms and legs and tug at me. This way and that way until my warmth as been worried away. They shrink to pin sized and burrow beneath my skin as I slap the away in vain. Frigid needles that twist and squirm like worms that I can see as my skin stretches over and around them in a macabre dance.
Karl’s eyes burn into me as he appears, his stance menacing, “We were fine before you know. Before the dreams. Before you betrayed me with him.”
Shrinking back, I look up in horror, “I didn’t plan it. It wasn’t me.”
“It was you. You made your choice there.”
“No!” Standing, my own temper flares. “No. It wasn’t like that. You don’t fucking know. You weren’t there.”
“No, but I was.” Slim hands run up my legs as I spin and look down. Orlando rises sinuously from the ground. “You did choose, David. You chose me.”
Shaking my head, I back away, only to trip and fall over a pile of ash shaped like a wolf. “No…I didn’t..I was…I couldn’t know.” My eyes move from Karl to Orlando to the ground as I draw my knees up and wrap my arms around them. “No…you can’t both be here. Don’t you see…you can’t both exist in my soul. There’s no…no room left for me. The worms take so much space and I can’t. You both know that right? I can‘t.” Rocking slowly, my vision fades until I’m alone…
Alone in the small hut. “There’s no room. I need….can have only one.”
//David…you must choose. //
//Mother?//
//Choose David. You know in your heart what you must do. Follow it. You cannot keep both.//
My mother’s presence fades as I look around. I know how Ran did this before when my bonds shattered, but this…this is…it needs more. I can’t carry both of them. Can’t remember both of them. And only one is alive.
It takes only a minute to get dressed before I walk out and shift. The cold aches more in this form and I give a slight shiver before launching myself into the air. I need to find Her. She will help me.
The night closes in around me and slowly, I drift into a fitful sleep.
Cold invades my blankets. Ice like snakes that curl around my arms and legs and tug at me. This way and that way until my warmth as been worried away. They shrink to pin sized and burrow beneath my skin as I slap the away in vain. Frigid needles that twist and squirm like worms that I can see as my skin stretches over and around them in a macabre dance.
Karl’s eyes burn into me as he appears, his stance menacing, “We were fine before you know. Before the dreams. Before you betrayed me with him.”
Shrinking back, I look up in horror, “I didn’t plan it. It wasn’t me.”
“It was you. You made your choice there.”
“No!” Standing, my own temper flares. “No. It wasn’t like that. You don’t fucking know. You weren’t there.”
“No, but I was.” Slim hands run up my legs as I spin and look down. Orlando rises sinuously from the ground. “You did choose, David. You chose me.”
Shaking my head, I back away, only to trip and fall over a pile of ash shaped like a wolf. “No…I didn’t..I was…I couldn’t know.” My eyes move from Karl to Orlando to the ground as I draw my knees up and wrap my arms around them. “No…you can’t both be here. Don’t you see…you can’t both exist in my soul. There’s no…no room left for me. The worms take so much space and I can’t. You both know that right? I can‘t.” Rocking slowly, my vision fades until I’m alone…
Alone in the small hut. “There’s no room. I need….can have only one.”
//David…you must choose. //
//Mother?//
//Choose David. You know in your heart what you must do. Follow it. You cannot keep both.//
My mother’s presence fades as I look around. I know how Ran did this before when my bonds shattered, but this…this is…it needs more. I can’t carry both of them. Can’t remember both of them. And only one is alive.
It takes only a minute to get dressed before I walk out and shift. The cold aches more in this form and I give a slight shiver before launching myself into the air. I need to find Her. She will help me.