(no subject)
[journal entry]
As we approach the holidays, things here are quiet. We are going to see Karl's family for Christmas and I am looking forward to meeting them. It is odd that he and I have come this far and I have yet to meet a single member of his family.
Always in the past I have approached Yule with joy and excitement, but this year I cannot seem to find them. I feel drained and tired, unable to focus or concentrate. My mind has taken to wandering and I have problems reigning it in. More and more I find myself daydreaming of Minas Tirith and the friendships and relationships I found there. When I come back to myself and find I am here, I feel an odd disappointment. I feel, as he would have said, domesticated. I miss feeling useful and having a purpose.
All my life I have been striving to get to this point. To be happy and find peace, find love and settle into calm existance. Now that I have, it feels more like a cage. I love Karl, more than anything, but I can't share this with him without making him feel bad, guilty or uncared for.
As we approach the holidays, things here are quiet. We are going to see Karl's family for Christmas and I am looking forward to meeting them. It is odd that he and I have come this far and I have yet to meet a single member of his family.
Always in the past I have approached Yule with joy and excitement, but this year I cannot seem to find them. I feel drained and tired, unable to focus or concentrate. My mind has taken to wandering and I have problems reigning it in. More and more I find myself daydreaming of Minas Tirith and the friendships and relationships I found there. When I come back to myself and find I am here, I feel an odd disappointment. I feel, as he would have said, domesticated. I miss feeling useful and having a purpose.
All my life I have been striving to get to this point. To be happy and find peace, find love and settle into calm existance. Now that I have, it feels more like a cage. I love Karl, more than anything, but I can't share this with him without making him feel bad, guilty or uncared for.