(no subject)
Moer letters. XD
My dearest Anakin,
I hadn’t decided if I was going to keep this accounting after you returned to me… there’s so much pain, so many tears that stained those pages that came before, I almost wish to simply burn it. But truth be told, we repeat our mistakes if we bury the memories, so I will bear my scars with dignity.
I cannot describe the hope and horror of those first few moments when you approached me. To see one you know is dead walk towards you, tired and hurt as though they’ve traveled a long way on foot; the fear is overwhelming that they are mere apparition or worse, a cruel jest. I cannot say how many thoughts went through my head, a riot of pain and fear and… hope, all encompassing. It filled every inch of me, blotting out the pain, the fear. It threw caution to the wind and I wanted so badly to believe it wasn’t a dream. And then you opened my mind again and it was really you.
Your scent, your voice… the feel of your skin, the taste of your lips. I simply cannot get enough. I craved you, in every part of me. I still do. When I cannot see you I feel the stirs of panic, fear that I’ve gone mad and I’m living in a daydream while Allison cries unnoticed in her crib and I sit in a corner, wasting away in a dream. When you are there I cannot help but touch, taste, and cling. I know you and your Master will soon resume the bond you share… it hurts, though I will not tell you that. I’m not prepared to share you yet. I’m sure I will again, and I won’t have a choice when the night comes my bed is empty and his is not, but in this collection of memories and thoughts I will admit it; I wish so badly you would just leave him be for a time. Let me get my full, let me believe this is okay again.
I would not be worthy of your love if I was jealous, and bound you to me; indeed, If I ever made you choose I know you would choose him out of spite. Pain does not treat well with logic, however.
Ah, well. Better to have to share then to not have you at all. Better these normal, mortal pains of day to day anxiety and jealousy then that agony of your death. I have lived with you, and I have lived without. Believe me when I say I could not survive the latter twice.
Yours, always and always,
Halley Atremis
My dearest Anakin,
I hadn’t decided if I was going to keep this accounting after you returned to me… there’s so much pain, so many tears that stained those pages that came before, I almost wish to simply burn it. But truth be told, we repeat our mistakes if we bury the memories, so I will bear my scars with dignity.
I cannot describe the hope and horror of those first few moments when you approached me. To see one you know is dead walk towards you, tired and hurt as though they’ve traveled a long way on foot; the fear is overwhelming that they are mere apparition or worse, a cruel jest. I cannot say how many thoughts went through my head, a riot of pain and fear and… hope, all encompassing. It filled every inch of me, blotting out the pain, the fear. It threw caution to the wind and I wanted so badly to believe it wasn’t a dream. And then you opened my mind again and it was really you.
Your scent, your voice… the feel of your skin, the taste of your lips. I simply cannot get enough. I craved you, in every part of me. I still do. When I cannot see you I feel the stirs of panic, fear that I’ve gone mad and I’m living in a daydream while Allison cries unnoticed in her crib and I sit in a corner, wasting away in a dream. When you are there I cannot help but touch, taste, and cling. I know you and your Master will soon resume the bond you share… it hurts, though I will not tell you that. I’m not prepared to share you yet. I’m sure I will again, and I won’t have a choice when the night comes my bed is empty and his is not, but in this collection of memories and thoughts I will admit it; I wish so badly you would just leave him be for a time. Let me get my full, let me believe this is okay again.
I would not be worthy of your love if I was jealous, and bound you to me; indeed, If I ever made you choose I know you would choose him out of spite. Pain does not treat well with logic, however.
Ah, well. Better to have to share then to not have you at all. Better these normal, mortal pains of day to day anxiety and jealousy then that agony of your death. I have lived with you, and I have lived without. Believe me when I say I could not survive the latter twice.
Yours, always and always,
Halley Atremis