Into the Devil's Snare

[dracoisyourking]

It wasn't enough that I allowed myself to be degraded into taking a position in a fake army that was Less than Captain, no matter how much I insisted on the upgrade. But after having been dragged through hell and back, chased, mislead, attacked, startled, cold, wet, and finally lost and found - by myself - again, I have only one thing to say

Comments

[potter_mouth]

I AM NOT GOING WITH A DOUCHEWIMP LIKE YOU ALL THE WAY TO THE FLAMING CHASMS OF THE RAVENCLAW COMMON ROOM. YELLOW EYES? COME ON.

WAIT, MAYBE IT WAS THE BASILISK IN THE FOREST! OR PERHAPS IT WAS YOUR CONSCIENCE. 'HEY MALFOY, WE NEED TO TALK!' I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'D RUN SCREAMING.

DOUCHEWIMP.

[dracoisyourking]

LISTEN ARSEMUNCH, those eyes WERE yellow and they WERE huge! It was NOT My conscience! It was NOT a basilisk - oh, look, not DEAD! And I was not SCREAMING.

I was shouting.

AND YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT TO RAVENCLAW WITHOUT MY CUNNING AND CHARISMA AND YOU KNOW IT ARSEMUNCH.

[potter_mouth]

I HAVE PERFECT CUNNING AND CHARISMA.

HEY, YEAH, I KNOW WHAT IT WAS, A DRAGON. YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY--DRACO DORMIENS SOMETHINGOROTHER. YEAH, NEVER TICKLE SLEEPING DRACOS--THEY MIGHT WAKE UP AND SCREAM LIKE LITTLE GIRLS.

[dracoisyourking]

I DO NOT SCREAM LIKE A LITTLE GIRL!

And SURE, if your cunning and charisma means DESTRUCTION AND LOUD SCREECHING. Are you related to a Harpy? Honestly.

[potter_mouth]

YOU SERIOUSLY ARE A DOUCHEWIMP. DESTRUCTION AND LOUD SCREECHING IS FOR COOL PEOPLE.

[dracoisyourking]

RIGHT. BECAUSE IT'S COOL TO CAUSE SO MUCH MAYHEM AND NOISE THAT ARREST AND INCARCERATION ARE INEVITABLE.

AZKABAN IS THE NEW BLACK!

Nevermind the calm, collected, debonaire, mysteriousness of the man who gets things done with grace and style.

NOW WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!

[potter_mouth]

OH YEAH, IT WAS REALLY CALM AND DEBONAIRE WHEN YOU SCREAMED BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT YOU SAW SOMETHING YELLOW IN THE FOREST AND RAN AND FELL ON YOUR ARSE!

[dracoisyourking]

If I hadn't been trying to avoid your uncoordinated rhythmless white boy slap dance moves I wouldn't have Tripped!

[potter_mouth]

LOOK, DANCE HAS BEEN THE CRAZE OF THE WHITE BOY SINCE THE '80S, WHICH YOU WOULD KNOW IF YOU WERE WITH THE TIMES, MALFSIE!

AND MY PANTS DANCE WAS TOTALLY HIP.

STOP! HARRY TIME!

[dracoisyourking]

..................................... Did you just call me Malfsie?

[potter_mouth]

YES, YES I DID. GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT MALF-O? WANT TO FIGHT ABOUT IT, HUH, MALFIE-WALFIE?

AT LEAST I'M NOT A DOUCHEWIMP THAT RUNS SCREAMING AT THE SMALLEST SOUND.

WAKIE WAKIE, EGGS 'N' DRAKIE!

[dracoisyourking]

What are you TWELVE?!

You have ten minutes to show yourself or all of your belongings head out the window of Gryffindor Tower.

[potter_mouth]

I AM NOT IN GRYFFINDOR TOWER.

HEY MALF, I'LL MEET YOU NEAR THE FOREST.

THAT IS, IF YOU DON'T RUN SCREAMING LIKE A WEE LITTLE GIRLIE ON HER THIRD BIRTHDAY, LIKE YOU DID LAST TIME! WITTLE MALFSIEPOO NEEDS A LOLLY, DOESN'T HE, DOESN'T HE, WAH, WAHHHHHH!

[dracoisyourking]

You know what? I'm going to throw your shite out the tower Anyway! JUST FOR THAT. WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT.

I'll be down in five.

[potter_mouth]

GOOD, THEN I DON'T HAVE TO BRING IT DOWN MYSELF.

BY THE WAY, MAKE SURE YOU THROW OUT FANTASTIC BEASTS & WHERE TO FIND THEM AS I'M HELLBENT ON FINDING OUT WHAT LITTLE FLUFFY ANIMAL SCARED THE TROUSERS OFF YOU, BABY MALFSIE.

OH, OH, WHAT'S THIS? PANTS DANCE! PANTS DANCE!