Life with Snappers #7
Title: Fathers and Farewells (Final chapter)
Summary: Snappers goes out in a blaze of glory.
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humour, Romance
Warning(s): Er...pinching?
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Word Count: 1,500 approx.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter universe, or the characters in it. This was written purely for fun, not profit.
A follow up to Home
Authors Notes: One more for the lulz. Couldn't resist. The first bit is a small tribute to one of my favourite quotes in The Philosopher's Stone. I'm pretty sure everyone knows it from the Troll in the Bathroom scene. "There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve foot mountain troll is one of them." So yeah...enjoy. Enjoy, I say!
Things were more or less back to normal at the Malfoy Potter household. There was laughter and sunshine and random bouts of shagging on all available flat surfaces. No one was happier with that arrangement than Draco. It had been disorienting to be away from Harry for so long. But now he was home with his beloved boyfriend, and his couch and his Animal Planet and all was right with the world.
“Well, I guess lobsters do live to be a hundred” Draco commented to his companion, as his fifth documentary came to a close. “But you probably already knew that. Fish stick?” The resounding clicks of accusation made him wince and put the snack bowl away. “Sorry, that was insensitive”. Snappers settled back on his cushion and watched the telly in his customary stoic silence.
They had come to an agreement of sorts. Snappers no longer sought Draco out to aggravate him, and Draco politely refrained from trying to flush him down the toilet. It But it was a far sight to say they were friendly. Draco preferred to think of him as a grumpy roommate. With an exoskeleton. But he was not fond of him.
That was about to change.
The Floo flared to life and one of Draco’s least favourite people stepped out. The blond’s jaw clenched with defensive instinct. “Father” he greeted, his voice flat and his face expressionless.
“Good afternoon, Draco” Lucius replied silkily. “It’s been a while”
“Not long enough” Draco replied. A few years ago, the idea of talking back to his Father like that would have made him cringe but Harry’s recklessness had sort of rubbed off on him, much to the older Malfoy’s chagrin.
Lucius smirked and Draco stood up, unwilling to give his domineering father the slightest advantage in what promised to be another futile confrontation. If Lucius wanted a fight, he would give it to him.
“I see Potter has made himself scarce” the older Malfoy said, deeming to sweep a condescending glance across Draco’s living room. He spat out Harry’s name in that disdainful, sneering manner and Draco had to remind himself not to rise to the bait.
“He’s not here” he replied shortly “Which begs the question- why are you?”
“I merely wished to see if you had regained your senses yet”
Draco counted to ten twice before responding. “Father, we have been over this. I am not moving back to the Manor, I am not marrying Astoria Greengrass and I am most certainly not leaving Harry. If that’s all, I believe you know your way out.” It hurt that his Father wouldn’t accept him for who he was, but he’d be damned if he let anyone tell him how to live his life anymore. Lucius Malfoy could just deal with it.
Easier said than done.
“I’ve been tolerant, Draco” the older man hissed, eyeing his son coldly “I have tried to make peace with your…deviance. But obviously my lenience has been mistaken for weakness”
“I am not a child any more. I make my own decisions” the younger blond replied, feigning a calm he didn’t quite feel. This meeting was showing every sign of escalating into another shouting match with his sire, and he wasn’t sure he could deal with this any more.
“And what fine decisions they are” Lucius smirked in response, striding over to the couch intending to sit down. Draco was about to retort with something scathing when he saw a familiar, unmistakable flash of red just where his Father was planning to park his arse. The blond’s eyes widened in sheer horror and he yelped.
“What is it?” Lucius asked sharply, pausing and glaring at his offspring.
Draco gargled uselessly. “Um…you…that is…”
“Stop mumbling like an imbecile, Draco! If you have something to say, spit it out instead of dithering about like a fool” Lucius snapped at him.
That did it. Draco’s eyes narrowed and he made his decision. “My apologies” he drawled “By all means, Father. Make yourself at home.”
Lucius gave him one last disdainful sneer.
And sat.
What happened next was simultaneously the most wonderful and most terrible moment of Draco’s life. He liked to think that he had seen more of life than most people his age. But nothing in life’s great plan- including a War, several near death experiences and falling in love with the Boy Who Lived- could compare to the sheer, undiluted, terrifying wonder of seeing his regal, overbearing Father, Lord Lucius Abraxas Malfoy of the eminent Malfoy Clan and ex Death Eater shriek like a Cornish Pixie, jump about twenty meters in the air and then careen around his small, cramped living room limbs a-flailing with an angry, sea dwelling crustacean firmly attached to his rear.
“Getitoff getitoff getitoff!”
Draco watched in horrified fascination. It was terrifying. It was horrific. It was wonderful.
“Getitoff getitoff fortheloveofMerlin getitoff!”
It was like looking upon the face of God.
And Draco Malfoy felt an innate sense of friendship and brotherhood towards all members of the noble lobster clan. From that moment on, Snappers became his friend. There are some things you can’t share without ending up liking each other- and reducing Lucius Malfoy to a screeching, panic stricken pansy (“Getitoff getitoff getitOFF!”) is one of them.
****
Harry twitched in sympathy as his boyfriend tapped mournfully at the huge aquarium. Behind the thick plane of glass, a Maine lobster swam about, trilling and looking completely at home. The sight didn’t seem to be helping Draco’s mood and Harry felt obliged to say something.
“So we’re just going to stand here all day trying to guilt trip a lobster?” he broke in finally.
“He could at least pretend to be sad” Draco muttered.
Harry patted his shoulder sympathetically. He had figured that this would be hard on Draco, but he hadn’t thought it would be this bad. His once anti Snappers boyfriend had managed quite a turnabout, thanks to the lobster’s inherent dislike of being sat upon by Lucius Malfoy. Draco had empathised at once, and the two had become quite close.
Unfortunately, that happy situation hadn’t lasted.
“I can’t believe Father sued us for physical assault” Draco groused, looking thoroughly put out.
Harry coughed to hide his snort of laughter. “He tried to sue us for attempted manslaughter” he corrected “The judge toned it down to assault. You know, once he stopped laughing.”
Draco smirked at the fond memory but went back to his kicked crup impression almost at once. “I don’t like that judge. He could have let us keep our lobster” he mumbled, tapping the glass again. Snappers trilled and attempted a half flip before settling at the gritty bottom of his tank and scuttling behind a nice clump of seaweed.
Harry rolled his eyes. “Draco, he was nearly trampled, attacked by a cat, sat upon and almost flushed down the toilet. Not to mention, the first time you met him you tried to eat him. We’re lucky Snappers isn’t suing us for assault. Besides” he added, taking his sulking boyfriend’s hand “he’ll be much happier at Seaworld. He’s got an aquarium, and plenty of room and…”
“There’s no telly” Draco pointed out peevishly “How’s he going to watch The Deep Blue on Animal Planet, huh? This place is obviously sub standard!”
“He’ll be fine, love.”
“How do you know?” Draco demanded.
“Well for one thing, he’s got company” Harry chuckled, peering into the tank. Draco’s eyes widened as a smaller lobster toddled over to Snapper’s little seaweed abode and clicked pleasantly at him. Snappers’ antennae perked up in apparent interest at this new entrant. Draco’s eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hairline as his once grouchy pet lobster trilled like a tame kitten and linked claws amicably with his new friend.
“It took me a whole month to get him to act that civil!” he contested indignantly, watching the crooning lobsters with a mix of resentment and disgust.
“Figures” Harry smirked, reading the information card in front of the tank “It says she’s a female. A mature female.”
This news only made Draco look more forlorn and Harry couldn’t help trying to cheer him up. “You can visit any time, you know” he offered reasonably.
“It’s not the same” Draco pouted. Harry rolled his eyes. Drastic measures, then. He wrapped his arms around his ridiculous boyfriend and pulled him into a kiss.
“I do have one bit of news that might make you feel better” he offered, when Draco finally surfaced for air.
“What’s that?” the blond asked looking sceptical.
Harry grinned. “Our bathtub is free now. What do you say we put it to good...”
But Draco had already apparated away with a quick “Last one back bottoms!” thrown over his shoulder. Harry laughed and prepared to follow his eager, easily distracted lover.
As he apparated away, he could have sworn he saw Snappers give him a thumbs up.
Summary: Snappers goes out in a blaze of glory.
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humour, Romance
Warning(s): Er...pinching?
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Word Count: 1,500 approx.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter universe, or the characters in it. This was written purely for fun, not profit.
A follow up to Home
Authors Notes: One more for the lulz. Couldn't resist. The first bit is a small tribute to one of my favourite quotes in The Philosopher's Stone. I'm pretty sure everyone knows it from the Troll in the Bathroom scene. "There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve foot mountain troll is one of them." So yeah...enjoy. Enjoy, I say!
Things were more or less back to normal at the Malfoy Potter household. There was laughter and sunshine and random bouts of shagging on all available flat surfaces. No one was happier with that arrangement than Draco. It had been disorienting to be away from Harry for so long. But now he was home with his beloved boyfriend, and his couch and his Animal Planet and all was right with the world.
“Well, I guess lobsters do live to be a hundred” Draco commented to his companion, as his fifth documentary came to a close. “But you probably already knew that. Fish stick?” The resounding clicks of accusation made him wince and put the snack bowl away. “Sorry, that was insensitive”. Snappers settled back on his cushion and watched the telly in his customary stoic silence.
They had come to an agreement of sorts. Snappers no longer sought Draco out to aggravate him, and Draco politely refrained from trying to flush him down the toilet. It But it was a far sight to say they were friendly. Draco preferred to think of him as a grumpy roommate. With an exoskeleton. But he was not fond of him.
That was about to change.
The Floo flared to life and one of Draco’s least favourite people stepped out. The blond’s jaw clenched with defensive instinct. “Father” he greeted, his voice flat and his face expressionless.
“Good afternoon, Draco” Lucius replied silkily. “It’s been a while”
“Not long enough” Draco replied. A few years ago, the idea of talking back to his Father like that would have made him cringe but Harry’s recklessness had sort of rubbed off on him, much to the older Malfoy’s chagrin.
Lucius smirked and Draco stood up, unwilling to give his domineering father the slightest advantage in what promised to be another futile confrontation. If Lucius wanted a fight, he would give it to him.
“I see Potter has made himself scarce” the older Malfoy said, deeming to sweep a condescending glance across Draco’s living room. He spat out Harry’s name in that disdainful, sneering manner and Draco had to remind himself not to rise to the bait.
“He’s not here” he replied shortly “Which begs the question- why are you?”
“I merely wished to see if you had regained your senses yet”
Draco counted to ten twice before responding. “Father, we have been over this. I am not moving back to the Manor, I am not marrying Astoria Greengrass and I am most certainly not leaving Harry. If that’s all, I believe you know your way out.” It hurt that his Father wouldn’t accept him for who he was, but he’d be damned if he let anyone tell him how to live his life anymore. Lucius Malfoy could just deal with it.
Easier said than done.
“I’ve been tolerant, Draco” the older man hissed, eyeing his son coldly “I have tried to make peace with your…deviance. But obviously my lenience has been mistaken for weakness”
“I am not a child any more. I make my own decisions” the younger blond replied, feigning a calm he didn’t quite feel. This meeting was showing every sign of escalating into another shouting match with his sire, and he wasn’t sure he could deal with this any more.
“And what fine decisions they are” Lucius smirked in response, striding over to the couch intending to sit down. Draco was about to retort with something scathing when he saw a familiar, unmistakable flash of red just where his Father was planning to park his arse. The blond’s eyes widened in sheer horror and he yelped.
“What is it?” Lucius asked sharply, pausing and glaring at his offspring.
Draco gargled uselessly. “Um…you…that is…”
“Stop mumbling like an imbecile, Draco! If you have something to say, spit it out instead of dithering about like a fool” Lucius snapped at him.
That did it. Draco’s eyes narrowed and he made his decision. “My apologies” he drawled “By all means, Father. Make yourself at home.”
Lucius gave him one last disdainful sneer.
And sat.
What happened next was simultaneously the most wonderful and most terrible moment of Draco’s life. He liked to think that he had seen more of life than most people his age. But nothing in life’s great plan- including a War, several near death experiences and falling in love with the Boy Who Lived- could compare to the sheer, undiluted, terrifying wonder of seeing his regal, overbearing Father, Lord Lucius Abraxas Malfoy of the eminent Malfoy Clan and ex Death Eater shriek like a Cornish Pixie, jump about twenty meters in the air and then careen around his small, cramped living room limbs a-flailing with an angry, sea dwelling crustacean firmly attached to his rear.
“Getitoff getitoff getitoff!”
Draco watched in horrified fascination. It was terrifying. It was horrific. It was wonderful.
“Getitoff getitoff fortheloveofMerlin getitoff!”
It was like looking upon the face of God.
And Draco Malfoy felt an innate sense of friendship and brotherhood towards all members of the noble lobster clan. From that moment on, Snappers became his friend. There are some things you can’t share without ending up liking each other- and reducing Lucius Malfoy to a screeching, panic stricken pansy (“Getitoff getitoff getitOFF!”) is one of them.
****
Harry twitched in sympathy as his boyfriend tapped mournfully at the huge aquarium. Behind the thick plane of glass, a Maine lobster swam about, trilling and looking completely at home. The sight didn’t seem to be helping Draco’s mood and Harry felt obliged to say something.
“So we’re just going to stand here all day trying to guilt trip a lobster?” he broke in finally.
“He could at least pretend to be sad” Draco muttered.
Harry patted his shoulder sympathetically. He had figured that this would be hard on Draco, but he hadn’t thought it would be this bad. His once anti Snappers boyfriend had managed quite a turnabout, thanks to the lobster’s inherent dislike of being sat upon by Lucius Malfoy. Draco had empathised at once, and the two had become quite close.
Unfortunately, that happy situation hadn’t lasted.
“I can’t believe Father sued us for physical assault” Draco groused, looking thoroughly put out.
Harry coughed to hide his snort of laughter. “He tried to sue us for attempted manslaughter” he corrected “The judge toned it down to assault. You know, once he stopped laughing.”
Draco smirked at the fond memory but went back to his kicked crup impression almost at once. “I don’t like that judge. He could have let us keep our lobster” he mumbled, tapping the glass again. Snappers trilled and attempted a half flip before settling at the gritty bottom of his tank and scuttling behind a nice clump of seaweed.
Harry rolled his eyes. “Draco, he was nearly trampled, attacked by a cat, sat upon and almost flushed down the toilet. Not to mention, the first time you met him you tried to eat him. We’re lucky Snappers isn’t suing us for assault. Besides” he added, taking his sulking boyfriend’s hand “he’ll be much happier at Seaworld. He’s got an aquarium, and plenty of room and…”
“There’s no telly” Draco pointed out peevishly “How’s he going to watch The Deep Blue on Animal Planet, huh? This place is obviously sub standard!”
“He’ll be fine, love.”
“How do you know?” Draco demanded.
“Well for one thing, he’s got company” Harry chuckled, peering into the tank. Draco’s eyes widened as a smaller lobster toddled over to Snapper’s little seaweed abode and clicked pleasantly at him. Snappers’ antennae perked up in apparent interest at this new entrant. Draco’s eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hairline as his once grouchy pet lobster trilled like a tame kitten and linked claws amicably with his new friend.
“It took me a whole month to get him to act that civil!” he contested indignantly, watching the crooning lobsters with a mix of resentment and disgust.
“Figures” Harry smirked, reading the information card in front of the tank “It says she’s a female. A mature female.”
This news only made Draco look more forlorn and Harry couldn’t help trying to cheer him up. “You can visit any time, you know” he offered reasonably.
“It’s not the same” Draco pouted. Harry rolled his eyes. Drastic measures, then. He wrapped his arms around his ridiculous boyfriend and pulled him into a kiss.
“I do have one bit of news that might make you feel better” he offered, when Draco finally surfaced for air.
“What’s that?” the blond asked looking sceptical.
Harry grinned. “Our bathtub is free now. What do you say we put it to good...”
But Draco had already apparated away with a quick “Last one back bottoms!” thrown over his shoulder. Harry laughed and prepared to follow his eager, easily distracted lover.
As he apparated away, he could have sworn he saw Snappers give him a thumbs up.