(no subject)
In an effort to figure out and correct another defect in my person, I've been trying to figure out if there is a common stimulus for why I procrastinate doing many things and why I can sometimes be easily distracted when doing them. Although I've sometimes thought of placing blame on some sort of ADD type syndrome since my uncle Nate has something like that, I've always looked at that as a bit of a cop out. If I really had something of that nature serious enough to affect me as much I'm procrastinaceous, than I would have seen a psychiatrist by now or someone would have recommended I do so. There are two other factors that I believe are the crux of the issue: environment and commitment.
The first factor I discovered is environment. When I am in a school building or place of work, then I am a model student or worker. I'm quick to do my duties, I don't like to be doing nothing, and, in the case of work, I don't even take the paid 15 min breaks I'm entitled to unless I really need them for something. At home, however, it's a completely different story. I procrastinate like there's no tomorrow, even when tomorrow has come, and this makes psychological sense. In the first environment, there are authority figures, including roommates (not housemates), plus I have tendency to want to please/help others (not like a servant, like a dog) and not be on anyone's bad side (unless I don't care about the person and can be on such a side with them, which generally can't happen with a boss, so I must suck it up and at least appear cordial and helping). Also, we unconsciously associate different environs with different things. I clearly associate a school building and a work cite with those things, and so am disciplined at those places. I, however, do not primarily associate my living space with those issues (maybe because my time is most often spent in my room, avoiding the more public spaces (which I also tend to focus in)). In the home, I tend to focus on homy things, like pleasure and my relationship (which is usually non-existent, hence a lot of my other troubles and why I should migrate to those more public spaces).
The second factor I just recently discovered: commitment. When I'm not committed to something or committed to two things and one has a higher value, then I slip into Procrastirex. I noticed this while looking over my transcript and when thinking about why I haven't been so adament about finding a job. My average GPA for my first two years of college was 3.393, but the next three semesters saw a change. In the autumn of my junior year, I got a 2.812 due to a D in an English course that I deemed most stupid and unnecesary (although it was for the major). In addition, I started dating Cat that semester, and so when given the option of English homework or being with her, it was always her, hands down. The next semester was horrible, as I got a GPA of .692. I was skipping class like a little girl through a meadow, and didn't focus much on homework either. My relationship with Cat was at a weird state, and since relationship stuff takes priority over everything else, everything else suffred. Furthermore, Taking the Dinosaur course with Dr Holtz (whom you can see on History Channel's Jurassic Fight Club :)), shook my commitment to the Classics as a career. These factors continued through senior year, but I was committed to my studies more (specifically to getting better grades-not as good as commitment to the material though), so in the autumn I had a better, but still < 3 GPA. In the spring I returned to the normal > 3 GPA, partly probably because I mainly only had to worry about the commitment to Classics as Cat and I weren't speaking at that time.
When it comes to searching for work, I've had a lack of commitment as well. The only jobs I've felt committed to are the State Department and the military, both of which I'm not joining any time in the immediate future (S.D. because of how long the process is (but they declined me at the third step, so that's no longer an option until next year; military because I need to spend quite some time to prepare, especially for Basic and the physical aspects). Also, I was mainly looking for jobs in D.C. (viz. with the Smithsonian) to get more money and be closer to some friends; however, Cat, with whom I shall being getting in shape, is moving up to Frederick now, so I a job in Frederick would be better since I can't drive yet (although I could take the MARC train down everyday, which I'm not entirely opposed to doing). This leaves me looking for a job I intend to leave in sometime and which I'm only looking at for money (like grades, only a good motivator for me, not great).
Now, why does this really matter? Well, three reasons. First, because it's a flaw that needs fixing in and of itself. 2, because if I go into the military, it'll be really bad to do it (although the environment there and the importance of and my pride in the job should keep me from doing it. C, because, well, psychologically speaking, women generally do value ambition and assertiveness in their man, and although I do have ambitions, as it is, my assertiveness doesn't really show unless I'm pushed into showing it, whether by being friendlily coaxed or goaded by an adversary.
The first factor I discovered is environment. When I am in a school building or place of work, then I am a model student or worker. I'm quick to do my duties, I don't like to be doing nothing, and, in the case of work, I don't even take the paid 15 min breaks I'm entitled to unless I really need them for something. At home, however, it's a completely different story. I procrastinate like there's no tomorrow, even when tomorrow has come, and this makes psychological sense. In the first environment, there are authority figures, including roommates (not housemates), plus I have tendency to want to please/help others (not like a servant, like a dog) and not be on anyone's bad side (unless I don't care about the person and can be on such a side with them, which generally can't happen with a boss, so I must suck it up and at least appear cordial and helping). Also, we unconsciously associate different environs with different things. I clearly associate a school building and a work cite with those things, and so am disciplined at those places. I, however, do not primarily associate my living space with those issues (maybe because my time is most often spent in my room, avoiding the more public spaces (which I also tend to focus in)). In the home, I tend to focus on homy things, like pleasure and my relationship (which is usually non-existent, hence a lot of my other troubles and why I should migrate to those more public spaces).
The second factor I just recently discovered: commitment. When I'm not committed to something or committed to two things and one has a higher value, then I slip into Procrastirex. I noticed this while looking over my transcript and when thinking about why I haven't been so adament about finding a job. My average GPA for my first two years of college was 3.393, but the next three semesters saw a change. In the autumn of my junior year, I got a 2.812 due to a D in an English course that I deemed most stupid and unnecesary (although it was for the major). In addition, I started dating Cat that semester, and so when given the option of English homework or being with her, it was always her, hands down. The next semester was horrible, as I got a GPA of .692. I was skipping class like a little girl through a meadow, and didn't focus much on homework either. My relationship with Cat was at a weird state, and since relationship stuff takes priority over everything else, everything else suffred. Furthermore, Taking the Dinosaur course with Dr Holtz (whom you can see on History Channel's Jurassic Fight Club :)), shook my commitment to the Classics as a career. These factors continued through senior year, but I was committed to my studies more (specifically to getting better grades-not as good as commitment to the material though), so in the autumn I had a better, but still < 3 GPA. In the spring I returned to the normal > 3 GPA, partly probably because I mainly only had to worry about the commitment to Classics as Cat and I weren't speaking at that time.
When it comes to searching for work, I've had a lack of commitment as well. The only jobs I've felt committed to are the State Department and the military, both of which I'm not joining any time in the immediate future (S.D. because of how long the process is (but they declined me at the third step, so that's no longer an option until next year; military because I need to spend quite some time to prepare, especially for Basic and the physical aspects). Also, I was mainly looking for jobs in D.C. (viz. with the Smithsonian) to get more money and be closer to some friends; however, Cat, with whom I shall being getting in shape, is moving up to Frederick now, so I a job in Frederick would be better since I can't drive yet (although I could take the MARC train down everyday, which I'm not entirely opposed to doing). This leaves me looking for a job I intend to leave in sometime and which I'm only looking at for money (like grades, only a good motivator for me, not great).
Now, why does this really matter? Well, three reasons. First, because it's a flaw that needs fixing in and of itself. 2, because if I go into the military, it'll be really bad to do it (although the environment there and the importance of and my pride in the job should keep me from doing it. C, because, well, psychologically speaking, women generally do value ambition and assertiveness in their man, and although I do have ambitions, as it is, my assertiveness doesn't really show unless I'm pushed into showing it, whether by being friendlily coaxed or goaded by an adversary.