You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost...
Warning: Sappy annoyed rant below.
Ok, so Michael and I haven't spoken in for a record FOUR days. No, I do not count, "Hey, the power is still off...I miss you...I love you...did your day go well...I love you, sweet dreams" as speaking. That is normal life-line, bare minimum requirement survival talk. That is the, "This sucks, but we're still alive" talk.
Not scratching my itch.
Ever had a kick in the nuts moment when you realize that you depend on something for so long that when it goes away you find yourself flailing around for balance? That's what this is.
"Woah...Deni, calm down!" you might say. No. I will not calm down. I'm having a fucking moment here and I WILL indulge that you very much. The fact of the matter is, I need my boyfriend. I need him to be able to talk to me at the end of the day. My head does not sleep straight without him. Yes, I know he loves me. That is not what is being called into question. What is being interrogated is How the FUCK did I let myself get this way? Dependent? Me? On a man? Where have I come from?
Jeesh. Its so much more though. Michael is my best friend. He's my friend in so many ways and I lean on him so much that its really terrifying not to have him around. Sure, he's never really physically around, but now...now its like...ug. I can't call him. His phone is dead. And he's having to deal with this whole ice storm thing alone.
That's what burns me up too. I want to be there. I'd rather be freezing my tits off there than warm and lonely in my home here. Its totally not cool.
I know he misses me...but I think its the horrible and sinking feeling of helplessness that taints that knowledge. Yes, Michael is a big boy and is more than capable of taking care of himself, but you know, that fact comforts me about as much as a barbed wire teddy bear. I should be there. But I'm not, because I have to do all of these things like pass school and work and take care of business here. Yet shouldn't he be important enough to me to go there?
But that would be dumb. He'll be here in 13 more days and I know his power is going to be turned back on in two days...and and...and...I feel crappy. I am not sleeping good and I probably won't until I get to be with him again.
And then he'll leave me and I'll feel as if an arm was removed.
All...over...again.
Dear Blessed Goddess,
Why did you send your angry ice sprites to shut down the technology in my significant other's home? Why have you separated us for this long period of time? I thought I'd learned my lesson of patience. Do I really need a re-cap? I do?
Yes ma'am.
Anyway. Rant over. Now onto the stuff that happened today.
I finished my Speech test. I am so happy to be out of that class. Never again will I take Mrs. Caskey. I met up with Amanda and we did the Lovelady thing. It was very crazy.
So let me set it up for you. After my Speech final I waited for Hurricane M to come and get drilled on notes. She was an hour late and by that time Amanda and I were anxious to get going. We still had to get a lot of things set up for the Lovelady Christmas dinner and were eager to be off and busy. I gave HM a good pep talk and then left her to her own devices with a copy of the Final notes in hopes that she would take the time she's got before said Final to study.
Which reminds me...I've got to do a drill session with her Sunday. That should be easy. She's been to almost every class between October 30 and December 11...anyway.
Lemme just make a note on Amanda: She had got to be the most giving and generous person I know. She works two jobs, in an honor college student, AND volunteers her time and energy to the Lovelady Center in Birmingham. The Lovelady center is a place where women who have been run down, beaten, or are just recovering from bad circumstances go through a nine to twelve month program to help them get back on their feet and back into life. Some of these women at the center are getting out of jail and trying to get their kids back. Some of the women are getting out of a life of drugs or other bad circumstances. Some are recovering from rape or abuse.
The bottom line is that I really like this place. They don't just detox people and set them loose, they take them, teach them, train them and turn their lives around. What better place for optimistic and idealistic me to get a good taste of teaching?
Anyway, so Amanda had been volunteering at the center for a while and she knows a lot of the people who run it. Earlier this month she did her persuasive speech on the Lovelady Center and asked people to come and help it out. She and I met up with Sheldan at the place, set up a table for eight ladies, fed them, and then cleaned up for them. It was a Christmas thing. Then we found the person in charge of the Education department and asked if we could come and help do some tutoring.
I'm really excited about it. I can gain some certification in certain areas and some education experience that I'm sure is going to look nice on my resume.
Anyway, I'm now going to try and come up with 1000 words of creativity. Maybe I'll just edit and revise what I did yesterday. Tomorrow I work and count down the days until I see Michael again.
13 days.
12 more shopping days.
Oi....
***Edit: Mike called. (He charged his phone at work but we still only had 5 minutes give or take a few seconds) Apparently not only did their transformer blow out, but it was broken already with a shitty patch job done by the electricians from the power company. So basically, the last time it broke, THEY didn't fix it right. Now its REALLY fucked up so they are having to order a new one. That's why its going to be two days. Because the dipshits didn't do it right the first time.
Son of a...Aren't there laws against crappy service like this? I swear to god, the neighbors need to riot. Totally. Not. Cool.
Ok, so Michael and I haven't spoken in for a record FOUR days. No, I do not count, "Hey, the power is still off...I miss you...I love you...did your day go well...I love you, sweet dreams" as speaking. That is normal life-line, bare minimum requirement survival talk. That is the, "This sucks, but we're still alive" talk.
Not scratching my itch.
Ever had a kick in the nuts moment when you realize that you depend on something for so long that when it goes away you find yourself flailing around for balance? That's what this is.
"Woah...Deni, calm down!" you might say. No. I will not calm down. I'm having a fucking moment here and I WILL indulge that you very much. The fact of the matter is, I need my boyfriend. I need him to be able to talk to me at the end of the day. My head does not sleep straight without him. Yes, I know he loves me. That is not what is being called into question. What is being interrogated is How the FUCK did I let myself get this way? Dependent? Me? On a man? Where have I come from?
Jeesh. Its so much more though. Michael is my best friend. He's my friend in so many ways and I lean on him so much that its really terrifying not to have him around. Sure, he's never really physically around, but now...now its like...ug. I can't call him. His phone is dead. And he's having to deal with this whole ice storm thing alone.
That's what burns me up too. I want to be there. I'd rather be freezing my tits off there than warm and lonely in my home here. Its totally not cool.
I know he misses me...but I think its the horrible and sinking feeling of helplessness that taints that knowledge. Yes, Michael is a big boy and is more than capable of taking care of himself, but you know, that fact comforts me about as much as a barbed wire teddy bear. I should be there. But I'm not, because I have to do all of these things like pass school and work and take care of business here. Yet shouldn't he be important enough to me to go there?
But that would be dumb. He'll be here in 13 more days and I know his power is going to be turned back on in two days...and and...and...I feel crappy. I am not sleeping good and I probably won't until I get to be with him again.
And then he'll leave me and I'll feel as if an arm was removed.
All...over...again.
Dear Blessed Goddess,
Why did you send your angry ice sprites to shut down the technology in my significant other's home? Why have you separated us for this long period of time? I thought I'd learned my lesson of patience. Do I really need a re-cap? I do?
Yes ma'am.
Anyway. Rant over. Now onto the stuff that happened today.
I finished my Speech test. I am so happy to be out of that class. Never again will I take Mrs. Caskey. I met up with Amanda and we did the Lovelady thing. It was very crazy.
So let me set it up for you. After my Speech final I waited for Hurricane M to come and get drilled on notes. She was an hour late and by that time Amanda and I were anxious to get going. We still had to get a lot of things set up for the Lovelady Christmas dinner and were eager to be off and busy. I gave HM a good pep talk and then left her to her own devices with a copy of the Final notes in hopes that she would take the time she's got before said Final to study.
Which reminds me...I've got to do a drill session with her Sunday. That should be easy. She's been to almost every class between October 30 and December 11...anyway.
Lemme just make a note on Amanda: She had got to be the most giving and generous person I know. She works two jobs, in an honor college student, AND volunteers her time and energy to the Lovelady Center in Birmingham. The Lovelady center is a place where women who have been run down, beaten, or are just recovering from bad circumstances go through a nine to twelve month program to help them get back on their feet and back into life. Some of these women at the center are getting out of jail and trying to get their kids back. Some of the women are getting out of a life of drugs or other bad circumstances. Some are recovering from rape or abuse.
The bottom line is that I really like this place. They don't just detox people and set them loose, they take them, teach them, train them and turn their lives around. What better place for optimistic and idealistic me to get a good taste of teaching?
Anyway, so Amanda had been volunteering at the center for a while and she knows a lot of the people who run it. Earlier this month she did her persuasive speech on the Lovelady Center and asked people to come and help it out. She and I met up with Sheldan at the place, set up a table for eight ladies, fed them, and then cleaned up for them. It was a Christmas thing. Then we found the person in charge of the Education department and asked if we could come and help do some tutoring.
I'm really excited about it. I can gain some certification in certain areas and some education experience that I'm sure is going to look nice on my resume.
Anyway, I'm now going to try and come up with 1000 words of creativity. Maybe I'll just edit and revise what I did yesterday. Tomorrow I work and count down the days until I see Michael again.
13 days.
12 more shopping days.
Oi....
***Edit: Mike called. (He charged his phone at work but we still only had 5 minutes give or take a few seconds) Apparently not only did their transformer blow out, but it was broken already with a shitty patch job done by the electricians from the power company. So basically, the last time it broke, THEY didn't fix it right. Now its REALLY fucked up so they are having to order a new one. That's why its going to be two days. Because the dipshits didn't do it right the first time.
Son of a...Aren't there laws against crappy service like this? I swear to god, the neighbors need to riot. Totally. Not. Cool.