Deep sympathies -- and understanding. Just about ten years ago, I took my then-husband and stepson on a long-planned vacation down to California. The marriage ended shortly after that, partly because he kept calling his girlfriend from the road . . . which isn't the point of this little anecdote, but gives some added flavour to the tale.
In the Western US, the hospitality industry, as they call it, is now dominated by Indians (from India, not Native Americans. You have to be a Native American to use the term "Indian" without meriting fisticuffs. A fine linguistic nuance.)
Various immigrant groups from the Middle East also own most of the little 24-hour shops such as the 7-11 franchises. This really isn't surprising: to make those work, you have to have a combination of stubborn tenacity, a killer work ethic that allows you to work horrible hours, and a streak of desperate determination to make it in spite of everything. Very few people who were actually born in the US have those qualities in that combination; so other groups step into the void.
What this means is that when you're on a certain kind of road trip out here, and you stop for directions, you are going to get them in broken English in a variety of accents. It requires patience and a sense of humour and adventure. Also, many cultures are still hard-wired for sexism. When a man and a woman walk into a 7-11, and the woman asks for directions, the proprietor talks to the man. It was so cliche that I couldn't help finding it funny.
I didn't find it funny when my now ex-husband called them "towelheads".
I was even more offended, and not amused at all, when I found out that he was actually afraid of them -- not just the Pakistanis and Lebanese and Indians and all, but also the Mexicans, of whom we met dozens. The Mexican men scared him. Sheesh. All that hatred because his testosterone was somehow threatened. He actually said he was afraid they were going to beat him up and "take me away". I, of course, was presumably going to shriek helplessly and wave my hanky at this. As you put, it, for fuck's sake . . . !
The dippy blonde he traded me in for actually did me a huge favour, although it took her several months to find out what a lousy bargain she'd made . . . *EG*
I think a lot of racism of this type does come from fear, irrational though it may be. People tend to be afraid of things they don't understand, so sure, if you're not going to even attempt to try and undrstand a culture, fear and misunderstanding is inevitable.
However, showing that fear in this way and using such derogatory terms is just not acceptable.
Like my dad's fear that "they're taking over the world". Moron.
Re the sexism thing...we notice this most at the Indian restaurant we go to regularly. The staff are all male and will always, always speak to OH first, take his order first and expect him to be paying. It's a little annoying, but I understand that it's just a cultural difference and I can deal with it.
The dippy blonde he traded me in for actually did me a huge favour,
Good on you for being so philosophical about it! I don't think I could be. It still hurts that my first boyfriend traded me in for a younger model when I was only 18! Lol! (she was 14!! He was 19. Er...perv much??)
Philosophical? It was ten years ago . . . time enough for some recovery. I was very badly damaged at the time, and honestly didn't think I'd really recover. Most of the credit for that goes to my partner.
Ever run into the term "catastrophisation"? That's the tendency to aggrandise the negative, so that the car that drove past you "Just barely missed hitting me!", the busy salesperson who didn't return your smile "Was totally rude and mean, I bet she hates everyone". And when you call up two garages to ask for a quote on the brakes, they're both run by people with accents, so "Those Pakis are taking over the world!" :P
Can I add to that? When you go with your family (husband and two children) hiking in a wood and one single man is coming from behind, he SO wants to rob you. That's my mother. She has the ability to destroy an otherwise happy holidy with such thinking, making us linger till he disappeared. We were four people against one. Rational? Don't think so.
Oh, and when I told her last year I was flying to Vancouver, her first comment was: "Don't you think I am going at a plane to visit you there in hospital" because, of course, the plane was meant to crash. Very uplifting. Haven't told her yet that I am going back next year again, I don't want a whole year of hearing things like this.
I try to see the positive things in the world, and pretty much ignore the bad ones. I don't think you can live a life always expecting the worst to happen. That way you never would leave your apartment. I also have a co-worker - nothing she buys is good enough, nothing she eats is tasteful enough and she gripes on and on, and I'm sick of hearing it.
In the Western US, the hospitality industry, as they call it, is now dominated by Indians (from India, not Native Americans. You have to be a Native American to use the term "Indian" without meriting fisticuffs. A fine linguistic nuance.)
Various immigrant groups from the Middle East also own most of the little 24-hour shops such as the 7-11 franchises. This really isn't surprising: to make those work, you have to have a combination of stubborn tenacity, a killer work ethic that allows you to work horrible hours, and a streak of desperate determination to make it in spite of everything. Very few people who were actually born in the US have those qualities in that combination; so other groups step into the void.
What this means is that when you're on a certain kind of road trip out here, and you stop for directions, you are going to get them in broken English in a variety of accents. It requires patience and a sense of humour and adventure. Also, many cultures are still hard-wired for sexism. When a man and a woman walk into a 7-11, and the woman asks for directions, the proprietor talks to the man. It was so cliche that I couldn't help finding it funny.
I didn't find it funny when my now ex-husband called them "towelheads".
I was even more offended, and not amused at all, when I found out that he was actually afraid of them -- not just the Pakistanis and Lebanese and Indians and all, but also the Mexicans, of whom we met dozens. The Mexican men scared him. Sheesh. All that hatred because his testosterone was somehow threatened. He actually said he was afraid they were going to beat him up and "take me away". I, of course, was presumably going to shriek helplessly and wave my hanky at this. As you put, it, for fuck's sake . . . !
The dippy blonde he traded me in for actually did me a huge favour, although it took her several months to find out what a lousy bargain she'd made . . . *EG*
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I think a lot of racism of this type does come from fear, irrational though it may be. People tend to be afraid of things they don't understand, so sure, if you're not going to even attempt to try and undrstand a culture, fear and misunderstanding is inevitable.
However, showing that fear in this way and using such derogatory terms is just not acceptable.
Like my dad's fear that "they're taking over the world". Moron.
Re the sexism thing...we notice this most at the Indian restaurant we go to regularly. The staff are all male and will always, always speak to OH first, take his order first and expect him to be paying. It's a little annoying, but I understand that it's just a cultural difference and I can deal with it.
The dippy blonde he traded me in for actually did me a huge favour,
Good on you for being so philosophical about it! I don't think I could be. It still hurts that my first boyfriend traded me in for a younger model when I was only 18! Lol! (she was 14!! He was 19. Er...perv much??)
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Ever run into the term "catastrophisation"? That's the tendency to aggrandise the negative, so that the car that drove past you "Just barely missed hitting me!", the busy salesperson who didn't return your smile "Was totally rude and mean, I bet she hates everyone". And when you call up two garages to ask for a quote on the brakes, they're both run by people with accents, so "Those Pakis are taking over the world!" :P
Funny how rarely we aggrandise the positive . . .
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Oh, and when I told her last year I was flying to Vancouver, her first comment was: "Don't you think I am going at a plane to visit you there in hospital" because, of course, the plane was meant to crash. Very uplifting. Haven't told her yet that I am going back next year again, I don't want a whole year of hearing things like this.
I try to see the positive things in the world, and pretty much ignore the bad ones. I don't think you can live a life always expecting the worst to happen. That way you never would leave your apartment. I also have a co-worker - nothing she buys is good enough, nothing she eats is tasteful enough and she gripes on and on, and I'm sick of hearing it.
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