need closure still
i received a letter from the peoria council about volunteering with them. one of the options is to help out at tapawingo. I thought about it for a long time, but I don't think it's a good idea. I would like to go to tapawingo again some time. However It would probably be better if say it was for one of the adult getaway weekends instead of when children are around. I'm pretty sure just setting foot on the property would trigger all kinds of emotions that are best not shown to kids.
I'm sorry if this drags up the hurt for anyone else. For some reason I have been thinking about pippi alot lately.
I rarely attend funerals...as in i've only been to two(and i had no choice). I had a lot of family members die last year too, but I didn't go to their funerals either.I do regret not attending the visitation or the funeral. In the previous year we hadn't really talked that much....and I have to admit that I had been avoiding her for a few weeks. She wanted to talk about somthing....but I was too busy trying to deal with the mess around me. Looking back I can't believe how much I was affected. I knew there was no way I could attend the funeral because of work..and my boss was out of town. I wanted to go to the visitation....but i knew there was no way I could make that drive to peoria in my state of mind. because of and amtgard thing that day(passage of arms tourney)barbar wouldn't drive me(yes he later realized that was a bad choice). I can't believe how I reacted that day. Most of the people at the park probably thought I was just being my usual bitchy self. Oh no i was much more volatile than normal. I blew every little thing up more than it should have been. Of course it didn't help that there were a lot of things that went wrong at the park that day and people getting mad at me.....yeah not a good day. I knew going to the field was a bad idea...but i didnt' want to be alone either. After yelling and screaming at most of the people in group, I found myself sitting against a tree singing The Third Fence Post over and over...
I think I still need some sort of closure.
I'm sorry if this drags up the hurt for anyone else. For some reason I have been thinking about pippi alot lately.
I rarely attend funerals...as in i've only been to two(and i had no choice). I had a lot of family members die last year too, but I didn't go to their funerals either.I do regret not attending the visitation or the funeral. In the previous year we hadn't really talked that much....and I have to admit that I had been avoiding her for a few weeks. She wanted to talk about somthing....but I was too busy trying to deal with the mess around me. Looking back I can't believe how much I was affected. I knew there was no way I could attend the funeral because of work..and my boss was out of town. I wanted to go to the visitation....but i knew there was no way I could make that drive to peoria in my state of mind. because of and amtgard thing that day(passage of arms tourney)barbar wouldn't drive me(yes he later realized that was a bad choice). I can't believe how I reacted that day. Most of the people at the park probably thought I was just being my usual bitchy self. Oh no i was much more volatile than normal. I blew every little thing up more than it should have been. Of course it didn't help that there were a lot of things that went wrong at the park that day and people getting mad at me.....yeah not a good day. I knew going to the field was a bad idea...but i didnt' want to be alone either. After yelling and screaming at most of the people in group, I found myself sitting against a tree singing The Third Fence Post over and over...
I think I still need some sort of closure.