(no subject)
In college I had this fantasy about the artsy bohemian lifestyle. I was going to buy my clothes from the goodwill and they'd be all torn and interesting and cool (kind of like Mimi from Rent... now there's a good role model). I would go to coffee shops and mainline espresso while listening to spoken word poetry and discussing Issues with my cool artsy friends. I was going to make art every day and think Deep things and really come into my own as an artist.
Well I've discovered that shopping at thrift stores doesn't necessarily yield interesting and cool outfits - especially when you lack fashion creativity like I do. Sometimes it means spending hours shifting through neon blue prom dresses with shoulder pads, or a pink suit jacket with gigantic gold buttons, or twenty billion long black skirts.
And you can't go to coffee shops and drink espresso all night while listening to spoken word poetry when you only have two dollars to last you for the next three days. Sometimes you have to spend three weekends in a row sitting around your apartment because that's all you can afford, and at least the internet is already paid up this month.
The worst part about all this is I'm not that poor. I know there are people reading this (hah! nobody reads this!) who are much worse off and don't want to listen to me whine. I have 3000 in savings and two credit cards, one with a zero balance, and I could technically pay off the other one completely right now (I'm trying to build up my credit by having a rolling balance for a little while). So the fact is, if I really wanted to, I could go NUTS for a couple of weeks. I could buy all those things that I've been denying myself, see every movie that I've wanted to this summer, and eat like it was going out of style. And every time I look at my bank account and see the balance, I just know that the only thing standing between me and a really awesome weekend is that thin shred of willpower that is slowly getting thinner with every macaroni and cheese dinner. It's a scary place to be.
It seems like I need to be more careless and irresponsible, or make more money to have the lifestyle I want, but I feel kind of trapped right now.
Well I've discovered that shopping at thrift stores doesn't necessarily yield interesting and cool outfits - especially when you lack fashion creativity like I do. Sometimes it means spending hours shifting through neon blue prom dresses with shoulder pads, or a pink suit jacket with gigantic gold buttons, or twenty billion long black skirts.
And you can't go to coffee shops and drink espresso all night while listening to spoken word poetry when you only have two dollars to last you for the next three days. Sometimes you have to spend three weekends in a row sitting around your apartment because that's all you can afford, and at least the internet is already paid up this month.
The worst part about all this is I'm not that poor. I know there are people reading this (hah! nobody reads this!) who are much worse off and don't want to listen to me whine. I have 3000 in savings and two credit cards, one with a zero balance, and I could technically pay off the other one completely right now (I'm trying to build up my credit by having a rolling balance for a little while). So the fact is, if I really wanted to, I could go NUTS for a couple of weeks. I could buy all those things that I've been denying myself, see every movie that I've wanted to this summer, and eat like it was going out of style. And every time I look at my bank account and see the balance, I just know that the only thing standing between me and a really awesome weekend is that thin shred of willpower that is slowly getting thinner with every macaroni and cheese dinner. It's a scary place to be.
It seems like I need to be more careless and irresponsible, or make more money to have the lifestyle I want, but I feel kind of trapped right now.