TW fic: To All Those Left Behind, Part 1/2
Title: To All Those Left Behind
Summary: The team is just beginning to recover from the events of Exit Wounds when are hit with another devastating blow.
Warning: Character death
Rating: K
Pairings: Janto, inferred Gwack
Genre: Angst, hurt/comfort
Author's Note: I have at least one more part planned for this story, but I'm not sure when it will be posted.
Part One: Comfort and Conscience
Ianto was gone.
Jack had to keep telling himself that; it was hard to believe. But there was the truth, right in front of him: the young Welshman’s body, beautiful blue eyes closed forever by the weevil he hadn’t seen coming.
Jack didn’t bother to keep back his sobs. He grasped his lover’s cold hand and pressed his face into the thin cotton gown he had dressed Ianto in for his entry into the morgue and howled. The man he loved was gone, and he was never coming back.
It had all happened so quickly that it was just now starting to sink in. The fact that there would be no one there to hand Jack his coat when they had to run off to one emergency or another, no one there to hold him after a particularly long day, no sarcastic remarks to keep them all groaning.
The Captain felt as if his heart was breaking, as if his security had been taken away. He had never realized until now how much he relied on the young man. He kept turning, looking for solace from Ianto, only to find nothing but the cold, hard truth of the body bag before him.
Of course this had happened before, with other people he had loved, but this seemed so much worse. It had been different with Ianto… Jack had truly loved him; he was so much more than just a few witty comments and a good shag. They had had a connection, bonded over the trauma they had both faced and the danger they saw everyday. They had been at home with each other. And now it was all gone.
“Jack…”
He couldn’t muster enough energy away from his grief to jump at Gwen’s tearsoaked voice immediately behind him. He hadn’t heard her come in.
“Jack, I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I know you two were…” She trailed off, not knowing what to say in the face of his terrible loss, and instead rested her hands gently on his shoulders, hoping for physical comfort instead.
“I thought you were going home to be with Rhys,” Jack forced himself to say. He knew Gwen was hurting, too, but he wanted to be alone with his own loss right now.
“I couldn’t leave you alone,” she said softly. Her grip on his shoulders tightened. “It’s just the two of us now; we have to be here for each other.”
Jack nodded absently. Just the two of us now. The phrase rang in his head. Owen, Tosh, and Ianto were gone, and now it was just Gwen and himself. Sweet, fiery, compassionate, mortal Gwen.
It was times like this that Jack would give anything to have that last word apply to him. This was the thing he hated most about his endless life, more than the feeling of being dragged over broken glass, more than experiencing so many different kinds of deaths. It was losing those he loved that was the hardest. And even with as much practice as he had (Alex, Suzie, Estelle), it never got any easier (Owen, Tosh, Ianto…).
Worse still was knowing it would never stop. Even if Torchwood didn’t kill them, Jack would long outlive anyone he chose to become close to.
Jack turned abruptly and pulled Gwen into his arms. She gave a little “oof” of surprise but didn’t protest. She wrapped her arms around him in turn as the Captain clung to her. For a time they just held each other and shared their grief.
After a while, Gwen started to pull away, but he held fast. “Jack?” the woman asked.
“Don’t go,” the man answered, and the plea in his voice made Gwen’s heart break. “You’re the last of my team. I can’t bear to lose you, too.” Some griefsoaked part of Jack knew that if he didn’t let her out of his embrace, if he held onto her forever, Gwen would always be safe. He wouldn’t have to lose her like he had lost so many others.
Gwen pressed herself close to him once more and murmured, “You’re not going to lose me, Jack.”
Sudden anger flashed through the man. “You can’t promise that!” he growled. “Do you think any of them, do you think Ianto-” A pained look crossed his face when he spoke his dead lover’s name, but Jack plowed on. “Do you think he planned this?”
“No, of course not,” Gwen answered quickly, startled by his sudden outburst. But just as quickly, all of his anger left him, and Jack sagged in her arms.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“Don’t be,” Gwen answered gently. “I understand. You’re upset. We both are.”
They fell silent once more, and she could feel him shaking, hear him crying again. It made her hair stand on end. Though of course he always had a perfectly legitimate reason, the sight of her ever-strong, ever in control Captain in tears unnerved Gwen more than anything else in the world. It meant something was truly wrong.
On the other hand, it just plain hurt to see him this way. Jack was her friend, and she couldn’t bear to see him in pain.
But she knew there was something she could do to help, something that would make them both feel better. Before she could talk herself out of it, Gwen turned her head and gently touched her lips to Jack’s.
The man made a soft, unintelligible sound as he leaned instinctively into the kiss. Gwen was just starting to relax into the moment, hands sliding up Jack’s back to pull him closer, when the man abruptly pulled away and stood.
“I can’t do this, Gwen,” he said, voice thick. He looked back over at the table where Ianto’s body lay, and a tear ran down his cheek.
God, he wanted to. He wanted to lose himself in sensation and forget all the horrible things that had happened that day, but he couldn’t. It felt wrong. Ianto had been special, and Jack wouldn’t betray him like that.
And there was Gwen to consider as well. Now that she was finally getting her home life sorted, she didn’t need that kind of trouble from him.
“Go home, Gwen,” Jack said without looking at her. “Spend time with Rhys. Talk to him. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I understand,” she said again, quickly, and he could tell she was embarrassed. The Captain still didn’t turn as she added softly, “I’m so sorry. Good night, Jack.”
He listened as her footsteps retreated, then sat back down and took Ianto’s hand in his own. “I miss you already,” Jack whispered.