Sanctuary - Chapter Twenty
Title: Sanctuary
Author: drabbles_by_v
Characters/Pairings: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, team
Rating: FRAO/NC-17
Word Count: 3,963
Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine and I'm making no profit by playing with their characters.
Warnings: AU, slash, assumes knowledge through season 5.
Summary: A haunted and despairing Aaron Hotchner finds solace and love in an unexpected form: a young priest named Spencer Reid. Inspired by a kink!meme prompt found in chapter one.
Author's Note: Chapter twenty. omfg. This is officially the longest fanfiction I've ever written...it finally surpassed the self-insert Mary Sue Legolas torture fic I wrote when I was 13. Yes! XD
Previous chapters here.
Aaron followed Spencer into the apartment and lingered at the door after he locked it and keyed in the alarm’s code, giving the younger man a few moments to adjust. Spencer took a deep breath and took a few steps forward, looking around. He set his bag down and hugged one arm across his chest as he walked up to the table and looked down at it. Aaron followed slowly behind him.
Spencer touched his fingers to the table and a strange look went across his face. “At the time I never would have thought…” he said softly.
Aaron came up next to him. “At the time?”
Spencer swallowed. “The last time we…it was here. You asked me to come home instead of going to wait for Nathan.”
Aaron cast his mind back to that day. When he’d realized that Spencer had been hearing confession from a sexual sadist he’d been gripped with fear and become desperate to have Spencer in his arms. They hadn’t even made it to the bed. And Spencer was right, it was also the last time they’d been together.
“I hadn’t even realized…” Aaron said.
Spencer laughed shortly. “A lot happened after that. I wouldn’t expect you to remember.”
“No, but…” Aaron reached out and brushed his fingers over Spencer’s arm. “You do.”
“Of course I remember,” Spencer said. He flinched away.
Aaron lowered his arm. “I wouldn’t have believed it, either.”
Spencer didn’t answer.
“I guess it just…goes to show how much you need to take advantage of the time you have with the people you love,” Aaron said. “You never know when…”
Spencer looked at him. His eyes were bright. “When what?” he asked. “When the person you love makes you leave because he doesn’t want you anymore?”
Aaron’s eyes widened. “No!” he said, resisting the urge to grab Spencer’s shoulders and shake him. “That wasn’t it!”
Spencer took a step back, like he could see what Aaron wanted to do. “Well what does it look like?” he demanded. “You were perfectly content to keep me around while you needed help but as soon as you realized you might never have sex again you made me leave!”
Aaron tried to interrupt, to explain that no, no, that wasn’t it, but Spencer kept going.
“I know what you said and I know you believe it was to keep me safe, but Aaron, you came to find me in the middle of the night after a wet dream! How am I supposed to believe that it was to keep me safe when you want me back as soon as your cock is functional again? How am I supposed to believe that you care about anything except-except-” Spencer turned away and pressed the back of his hand to his mouth, grabbing the chair with his other hand when he stumbled.
Aaron no longer cared if Spencer wanted to be touched. He stepped forward and grabbed him from behind and pulled him to his chest in a tight hug. As soon as he did Spencer crumpled. Aaron caught him and lowered to the floor and knelt, holding him. Spencer slumped forward and started sobbing.
“I’m so sorry,” Aaron said through his own sudden tears. “I can’t tell you how much I wish I had never hurt you. Everything I did, I thought I was doing what was best, but I was so wrong and if I have to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, then I will. Sex with you is-is one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced, but I would give it up forever if you needed me to, because loving you and knowing that you love me is even more amazing. Because I do, I love you so much it hurts, and I would rather have you and never be able to touch you again than have you be gone.” He stopped, breathing heavily, almost shocked himself at the outpour.
Spencer’s shoulders were still shaking. He held one of his hands over his face and swore and pulled away.
Aaron felt like his heart was breaking when Spencer rose to his feet and walked away, but then the younger man stopped and turned and looked down at him. “If you don’t follow me right now, I swear I might never have the courage to do this again.”
Aaron was on his feet in a heartbeat, worried and confused, and he followed Spencer through the apartment and into the bedroom. As soon as he was inside, Spencer stopped. Aaron stopped too, and then Spencer whirled around and grabbed his jacket and pushed him back, slamming him against the wall and claiming his mouth in a hard kiss.
Aaron was frozen in shock for longer than he would have liked and by the time he felt he was in control of his body again Spencer’s hands had moved beneath the jacket to his shoulders and he was pushing it off. Aaron rolled his shoulders to help and opened his mouth to Spencer’s tongue, gasping as it slid along his.
The jacket dropped to the floor and within seconds Spencer’s fingers were yanking at the knot in his tie until it was loose enough to be pulled off.
Aaron tried to turn his head away. He knew he needed to say something, knew that Spencer was furious and upset and not in a stable mindset, but oh God, it felt so good to be kissed with that hunger again. When Spencer was the one who stepped back, Aaron felt like the entire room had tilted beneath him. “Spencer-”
“Take those off,” Spencer said shortly, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it away. He started to push his pants down.
“Are you sure you-” Aaron started to say, stepping forward.
Spencer whirled on him and grabbed his shoulders and shoved him back up against the wall. “I said take them off,” he growled, “Or I will do it for you.”
Aaron’s heart was beating so hard he couldn’t tell if it was from excitement or fear or a mix of both. He cursed the buttons on his shirt as he undid them, finishing when Spencer finished undressing completely. With shaking hands, he pushed his pants down and kicked them away.
Spencer stepped back in as soon as he was naked and their bodies slid together. Spencer put his hand on the back of Aaron’s neck and kissed him again, and there was nothing careful at all about the motion. Spencer was forceful, demanding, and Aaron never even thought about resisting. When Spencer’s fingers wrapped around their erections and held them together, Aaron exhaled harshly. Spencer took his lower lip between his teeth and pulled as he started moving his hand.
Aaron couldn’t help himself as he pushed forward. He wrapped his arms around Spencer’s body and held him tightly. It grew difficult to focus on the kiss as Spencer’s fingers moved over him. He was hard in less than a minute and Spencer had been hard to begin with. Aaron’s head fell back against the wall and Spencer’s mouth moved to his neck, sucking and biting.
Aaron didn’t know how long it lasted, Spencer pinning him against the wall and making mark after mark up and down his throat while he rubbed their lengths together. Just as Aaron thought he wouldn’t be able to last any longer Spencer’s hand lifted away and he was left gasping harshly, trying to pull back from the edge he was teetering over.
Spencer bit down on his collar, making Aaron yelp and jump. “Get in the bed,” Spencer said in a low voice, stepping back far enough for Aaron to get by. “On your knees.”
Aaron didn’t even think about disobeying. He walked to the bed and crawled on top, getting on his knees and lowering his head down to the mattress. He used his arms to support himself, heart racing, and his breath hitched with nervous anticipation.
He felt Spencer climb behind him after grabbing something from the nightstand drawer. Within moments, a lubed finger was pressing at him and he groaned as it slid in. It moved in and out, and after several strokes, a second one pressed in beside it. Spencer was quick to add a third and he took the longest with those. Aaron forced himself to relax.
And then the fingers were gone and hands were gripping his waist, one of them still slick, and Aaron held his breath. Spencer’s cock rubbed up and down his ass for a few moments before just the tip was pressing against him. The hold on his waist tightened and Spencer shoved forward.
Aaron clenched the sheets and ground his teeth against the cry that threatened to come out his mouth and moaned instead. He heard Spencer make a strange sound, almost like choking, but he didn’t have enough time to analyze it before the other man bent over him and began slamming his hips into his body.
Spencer’s movements were fast and hard and rough and all Aaron could do was hang on. His own cock was straining with the need to be touched but he resisted, instead concentrating on the noises Spencer was making and the way it felt to have him buried inside.
Suddenly it all stopped and Spencer was out. Aaron froze in confusion and fear and then the hand that grabbed his shoulder and made him roll over onto his back answered his questions. Spencer moved between his legs and pushed in again and leaned forward, taking Aaron’s lips in another kiss.
Aaron spread his legs and lifted his hips so he could grab Spencer around the shoulders and pull him closer and kissed back just as desperately. His hand found the other man’s hair and he held on, meeting every one of Spencer’s thrusts with his body. He found himself groaning with every push and before long, Spencer was covered in sweat and making soft, vulnerable sounds. Aaron kissed him for as long as he could before Spencer bowed his head with exhaustion and then Aaron just held him tightly. He could already tell that tomorrow he was going to hurt, but he held on.
And then, to his completely shock, Spencer’s fingers slid between their bodies and wrapped around his cock. Aaron sobbed at the touch and strained and moments later he was coming. He dimly heard himself shout Spencer’s name as his entire body pushed up from the mattress with the tension and ecstasy that shot through his muscles. He crashed back down with a shudder.
Spencer was still moving on top of him so Aaron kept his hips lifted into the air. His lover-his lover-was close. His whole body was taut and his breath was becoming ragged. Aaron had no warning except for the bite that suddenly sank into his shoulder moments before Spencer shoved in and held there, frozen. Aaron held him as close as he could.
When Spencer came down from the orgasm he did so with a sobbing gasp and he collapsed onto Aaron, causing Aaron to also fall completely to the mattress. Spencer pulled out and hid his face in the crook of Aaron’s shoulder, catching his breath. Aaron slowly stroked his hair, staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out what had just happened.
Gradually their breathing slowed and Spencer rolled away slightly, still staying mostly on top of Aaron but moving to a more comfortable position. He whispered something.
“Mm?” Aaron had to ask.
Spencer lifted his head. “I said, I didn’t mean to do that.”
Aaron laughed shortly. “You seemed pretty determined.”
Spencer lowered his head back down. “I meant to sleep on the couch tonight, and then I meant to calmly discuss all of that in the morning.”
“We discussed something in there?” Aaron asked dryly.
“I mean about the sex, about-about what I was worried about,” Spencer said.
“I know,” Aaron said. He continued to pet Spencer’s head. “If you still want to sleep on the couch…”
“Fuck you,” Spencer said, but it wasn’t mean-spirited. “All I want to do right now is somehow get under the covers and go to sleep.”
Aaron considered that. He could feel Spencer’s cum dripping out of him and his own was on both of their chests. “We should shower and put the blanket in the laundry first,” he said.
“Fuck you,” Spencer repeated.
Aaron smiled. “Under the covers and sleep it is,” he said.
---
Aaron woke up before his alarm the next morning and the first thing he felt was the soreness that had settled over his muscles. He suppressed a groan and opened his eyes. Spencer was lying next to him, curled on his side, holding his arms close to his chest. His was breathing softly and evenly and his hair had fallen partially over his face. Aaron reached out and brushed it back, tucking it as best he could behind his ear.
Spencer opened his eyes sleepily and looked at him. Aaron paused, not sure if he was welcome or not, but Spencer turned his face into the touch and shifted closer. Aaron curled his arm around Spencer’s chest and touched their foreheads together. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly.
“Mm. Maybe.”
“Do you want to shower first, or should I?”
“Just wait a while.”
Aaron closed his eyes and they lay quietly together. After a few minutes, Spencer uncurled and slid his leg between Aaron’s and wrapped an arm around his waist. He made a sleepy noise that Aaron couldn’t decipher.
“Did you sleep okay?” he asked.
“Better than in a while,” Spencer answered.
“Can I get anything for breakfast?”
“Aaron.” Spencer opened one eye. “I don’t need you to look after my every want.”
“But I want to,” Aaron said.
“Then I want to just enjoy this for a little longer,” Spencer said.
Aaron quieted and focused on running his hand up and down Spencer’s side. Spencer sighed softly and tucked his head against Aaron’s shoulder.
Aaron found himself tracing patterns with his fingers on Spencer’s back. He could tell from the breathing that Spencer wasn’t asleep but his body felt relaxed. Aaron tried his best to enjoy the moment but knew that any minute his alarm would go off and they would have to get up and one of them would shower and then Spencer would be dressed with his shields up, and then Aaron would have to leave for work and might not see him for weeks and how was he supposed to concentrate on a case when he knew Spencer was alone with nothing more than a self-installed alarm system and a marked car out front to guard him-
“Aaron,” Spencer murmured.
“Hm?”
“Your pulse just sped up,” Spencer said.
“Worrying,” Aaron said with a humorless laugh.
“About me?”
“Yeah.”
Spencer kissed his neck. “Please don’t,” he said. Then he made a contemplative noise.
“What?” Aaron asked.
“Your neck,” Spencer said. “Sorry.”
“My neck?”
Spencer shifted back to free his arm and traced a finger down the side of Aaron’s neck. He hissed. The skin felt raw. “I’ve never wanted to do that before,” Spencer said.
“What does it look like?” Aaron asked, trying to think of what he could wear.
“Well…”
The alarm went off. Spencer sat up and reached over Aaron to turn silence it.
Aaron groaned. “I guess I’ll find out,” he said, and rolled onto his back. “Okay, you or me shower first?”
“I’ll go,” Spencer said, and climbed out of bed. Aaron watched him disappear into the bathroom and buried his head in his pillow once the door had closed. What on earth were they doing? This had to be all kinds of emotionally damaging and there was absolutely no way it was a proper coping technique for what they were going through.
Spencer came out of the bathroom about ten minutes later naked and toweling his hair. Aaron heaved a sigh and got up. He took a step and stopped, wincing. Walking and sitting were going to be difficult today. Would Advil even help that?
Spencer noticed the wince and glanced at him. “Sorry,” he said.
“No you’re not,” Aaron said.
Spencer smiled faintly. “No,” he said. “I’m not.”
Aaron got the first look at his neck as soon as he closed the door and he was startled by the sight. There was a whole trail of dark bruising up and down the side, stretching from his jaw to his collar. Aaron swore. No shirt was going to cover that up. No scarf was going to cover that up, or at least, not one that he would be able to get away with wearing. If he could get into his office without attracting attention…if he walked backwards past the bullpen so that side of his neck would be to the wall… Aaron had the urge to smack his palm to his forehead but he restrained and got into the shower.
When Aaron was toweled off, shaved, and dressed he found Spencer in the kitchen pouring a cup of coffee, wearing boxers and one of Aaron’s old college sweatshirts. Spencer handed him the mug and pushed forward a bowl of oatmeal.
“Are we okay?” Aaron asked.
Spencer shrugged and kept his gaze on the counter. “It feels natural to be here,” he said. “I didn’t think it would.”
Aaron regarded him as he began eating. “That isn’t what I asked.”
“I don’t know the answer to what you asked.”
Aaron sighed. The shields were definitely back up. All he could do was keep his lowered and wait for Spencer to come to him. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said quietly. “I didn’t have nightmares last night.”
Spencer’s gaze snapped up to him. Aaron continued to eat in the silence while Spencer regarded him and thought.
Finally Spencer asked, “What did you think would happen, when you published that story?”
“What do you mean?” Aaron asked.
Spencer looked back down and traced a pattern along the counter. “You thought that you would push me away and trick Foyet. But what did you think was going to happen after you caught him and I still believed you were having an affair?”
Aaron sighed. “I didn’t think that far ahead. I just wanted you safe and as far away as possible.”
Spencer laughed shortly. “What were you going to do if wouldn’t come back?”
“I don’t know,” Aaron said. “I didn’t let myself think about it.”
“You did really fabulously without me, didn’t you,” Spencer said. “Morgan’s the team leader, and the barcode on your scotch bottle is different from both the one you had on the table, which was brand new, and the one you had in the cabinet. That means you’ve gone through at least two bottles in a matter of months, which means your average rate of drinking increased by-”
“Spencer,” Aaron interrupted. “I-I don’t have time for this right now.”
“Right,” Spencer said. “Of course.”
Aaron finished the oatmeal and leaned across the counter and kissed Spencer quickly. “When I get home, I promise.” He downed the rest of the coffee and stood up, allowing himself to wince one more time.
Spencer was resting his head in his hand, watching him. “You know that shirt doesn’t hide…”
“I know,” Aaron said, unable to keep the laugh out of his voice.
“Rossi’s going to love it.”
“He is,” Aaron agreed. Spencer smiled at him and he smiled back, then walked around into the kitchen instead of heading to the door.
Spencer turned around so his back was to the counter and rested his elbows on it. Aaron cupped his face in his hands and kissed him again. Spencer’s hands circled his waist and Aaron stayed there long after the timer in his head told him he needed to leave. Spencer was the one who finally lifted a hand to his chest and pulled back. “You’ll be late,” he said.
Aaron sighed and kissed Spencer once more before touching their foreheads together. “Tell me you know I love you,” he said.
“I know you do,” Spencer said.
“While I’m gone,” Aaron said, “I want you to think of every reason you’re angry at me. And then you can tell me all of them and I’ll start doing whatever I have to do to make up for them.”
Spencer considered that for a moment and then nodded.
“Good,” Aaron said.
“Go to work,” Spencer said. “Call me if you get a case.”
“I will,” Aaron said. He pulled away reluctantly, already dreading what Rossi was going to say.
---
Aaron, being late, had to deal with walking through a full bullpen. He came up with the solution of holding his cell phone to his ear, talking to absolutely no one, and letting his arm fall over his neck at just the right angle to cover most of the bruising and got all the way to his office without any second glances. He even managed to avoid having to say good morning to anyone because of the “conversation.”
Aaron closed his office door behind him and closed his phone with a relieved sigh. He walked over to his desk and sat down, counting down the seconds in his head until Rossi showed up.
Rossi was about two minutes late and Aaron was starting to wonder if he was even here today when the door opened. Aaron rested his chin in his hand, twisting his hand back to cover his neck, and looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
Rossi raised an eyebrow in response. “You okay?” he asked. “I heard the officer was relocated to your apartment.”
“Spencer moved back in with me,” Aaron said.
“That was fast,” Rossi said.
Aaron just looked at him.
“Well,” Rossi said, peering, “I just wanted to see if you were all right. I assume he did it to keep Father James out of the Foyet mess.”
“That’s right,” Aaron said.
“You know I don’t think I’ve ever seen you sit like that,” Rossi said.
Aaron glared. It would have worked on anyone but Rossi. Rossi, the infuriating ass that he was, just took a step closer and tried to get a better look.
Aaron decided it was like a band-aid. Just get it done with. He lowered his hand.
Rossi’s eyebrows shot up. “Wow,” he said.
Aaron waved his hand. “Just…get it out of your system, okay?”
“He must have been pissed,” Rossi said.
“Do you really have to profile?”
“It doesn’t take profiling to tell that a natural sub had to be pissed to do that,” Rossi said matter-of-factly.
“It’s profiling to decide that he’s a natural sub,” Aaron said.
Rossi just gave him a look and Aaron scowled.
“I’ll ask again,” Rossi said. “Are you okay?”
“You seem to ask me that a lot,” Aaron said.
Rossi shrugged. “You seem to need it a lot.”
Aaron glanced out the window into the bullpen and his voice got softer. “He has his shields up but he isn’t pushing me away,” he said. “It just needs time.”
“All right,” Rossi said. “Just keep in mind that sometimes swallowing your pride and sleeping on the couch is the right choice.”
Aaron rolled his eyes.
“Ah-there, see?” Rossi said. “You don’t believe me. But trust me, it’ll happen, and you’ll go without a fight, and then you’ll thank me.”
“I told him to make a list of every reason he’s mad at me while I’m at work today,” Aaron said. “So he can read it off to me when I get home and get it off his chest.”
Rossi smirked. “Couch night, for sure.”
Author: drabbles_by_v
Characters/Pairings: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, team
Rating: FRAO/NC-17
Word Count: 3,963
Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine and I'm making no profit by playing with their characters.
Warnings: AU, slash, assumes knowledge through season 5.
Summary: A haunted and despairing Aaron Hotchner finds solace and love in an unexpected form: a young priest named Spencer Reid. Inspired by a kink!meme prompt found in chapter one.
Author's Note: Chapter twenty. omfg. This is officially the longest fanfiction I've ever written...it finally surpassed the self-insert Mary Sue Legolas torture fic I wrote when I was 13. Yes! XD
Previous chapters here.
Aaron followed Spencer into the apartment and lingered at the door after he locked it and keyed in the alarm’s code, giving the younger man a few moments to adjust. Spencer took a deep breath and took a few steps forward, looking around. He set his bag down and hugged one arm across his chest as he walked up to the table and looked down at it. Aaron followed slowly behind him.
Spencer touched his fingers to the table and a strange look went across his face. “At the time I never would have thought…” he said softly.
Aaron came up next to him. “At the time?”
Spencer swallowed. “The last time we…it was here. You asked me to come home instead of going to wait for Nathan.”
Aaron cast his mind back to that day. When he’d realized that Spencer had been hearing confession from a sexual sadist he’d been gripped with fear and become desperate to have Spencer in his arms. They hadn’t even made it to the bed. And Spencer was right, it was also the last time they’d been together.
“I hadn’t even realized…” Aaron said.
Spencer laughed shortly. “A lot happened after that. I wouldn’t expect you to remember.”
“No, but…” Aaron reached out and brushed his fingers over Spencer’s arm. “You do.”
“Of course I remember,” Spencer said. He flinched away.
Aaron lowered his arm. “I wouldn’t have believed it, either.”
Spencer didn’t answer.
“I guess it just…goes to show how much you need to take advantage of the time you have with the people you love,” Aaron said. “You never know when…”
Spencer looked at him. His eyes were bright. “When what?” he asked. “When the person you love makes you leave because he doesn’t want you anymore?”
Aaron’s eyes widened. “No!” he said, resisting the urge to grab Spencer’s shoulders and shake him. “That wasn’t it!”
Spencer took a step back, like he could see what Aaron wanted to do. “Well what does it look like?” he demanded. “You were perfectly content to keep me around while you needed help but as soon as you realized you might never have sex again you made me leave!”
Aaron tried to interrupt, to explain that no, no, that wasn’t it, but Spencer kept going.
“I know what you said and I know you believe it was to keep me safe, but Aaron, you came to find me in the middle of the night after a wet dream! How am I supposed to believe that it was to keep me safe when you want me back as soon as your cock is functional again? How am I supposed to believe that you care about anything except-except-” Spencer turned away and pressed the back of his hand to his mouth, grabbing the chair with his other hand when he stumbled.
Aaron no longer cared if Spencer wanted to be touched. He stepped forward and grabbed him from behind and pulled him to his chest in a tight hug. As soon as he did Spencer crumpled. Aaron caught him and lowered to the floor and knelt, holding him. Spencer slumped forward and started sobbing.
“I’m so sorry,” Aaron said through his own sudden tears. “I can’t tell you how much I wish I had never hurt you. Everything I did, I thought I was doing what was best, but I was so wrong and if I have to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, then I will. Sex with you is-is one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced, but I would give it up forever if you needed me to, because loving you and knowing that you love me is even more amazing. Because I do, I love you so much it hurts, and I would rather have you and never be able to touch you again than have you be gone.” He stopped, breathing heavily, almost shocked himself at the outpour.
Spencer’s shoulders were still shaking. He held one of his hands over his face and swore and pulled away.
Aaron felt like his heart was breaking when Spencer rose to his feet and walked away, but then the younger man stopped and turned and looked down at him. “If you don’t follow me right now, I swear I might never have the courage to do this again.”
Aaron was on his feet in a heartbeat, worried and confused, and he followed Spencer through the apartment and into the bedroom. As soon as he was inside, Spencer stopped. Aaron stopped too, and then Spencer whirled around and grabbed his jacket and pushed him back, slamming him against the wall and claiming his mouth in a hard kiss.
Aaron was frozen in shock for longer than he would have liked and by the time he felt he was in control of his body again Spencer’s hands had moved beneath the jacket to his shoulders and he was pushing it off. Aaron rolled his shoulders to help and opened his mouth to Spencer’s tongue, gasping as it slid along his.
The jacket dropped to the floor and within seconds Spencer’s fingers were yanking at the knot in his tie until it was loose enough to be pulled off.
Aaron tried to turn his head away. He knew he needed to say something, knew that Spencer was furious and upset and not in a stable mindset, but oh God, it felt so good to be kissed with that hunger again. When Spencer was the one who stepped back, Aaron felt like the entire room had tilted beneath him. “Spencer-”
“Take those off,” Spencer said shortly, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it away. He started to push his pants down.
“Are you sure you-” Aaron started to say, stepping forward.
Spencer whirled on him and grabbed his shoulders and shoved him back up against the wall. “I said take them off,” he growled, “Or I will do it for you.”
Aaron’s heart was beating so hard he couldn’t tell if it was from excitement or fear or a mix of both. He cursed the buttons on his shirt as he undid them, finishing when Spencer finished undressing completely. With shaking hands, he pushed his pants down and kicked them away.
Spencer stepped back in as soon as he was naked and their bodies slid together. Spencer put his hand on the back of Aaron’s neck and kissed him again, and there was nothing careful at all about the motion. Spencer was forceful, demanding, and Aaron never even thought about resisting. When Spencer’s fingers wrapped around their erections and held them together, Aaron exhaled harshly. Spencer took his lower lip between his teeth and pulled as he started moving his hand.
Aaron couldn’t help himself as he pushed forward. He wrapped his arms around Spencer’s body and held him tightly. It grew difficult to focus on the kiss as Spencer’s fingers moved over him. He was hard in less than a minute and Spencer had been hard to begin with. Aaron’s head fell back against the wall and Spencer’s mouth moved to his neck, sucking and biting.
Aaron didn’t know how long it lasted, Spencer pinning him against the wall and making mark after mark up and down his throat while he rubbed their lengths together. Just as Aaron thought he wouldn’t be able to last any longer Spencer’s hand lifted away and he was left gasping harshly, trying to pull back from the edge he was teetering over.
Spencer bit down on his collar, making Aaron yelp and jump. “Get in the bed,” Spencer said in a low voice, stepping back far enough for Aaron to get by. “On your knees.”
Aaron didn’t even think about disobeying. He walked to the bed and crawled on top, getting on his knees and lowering his head down to the mattress. He used his arms to support himself, heart racing, and his breath hitched with nervous anticipation.
He felt Spencer climb behind him after grabbing something from the nightstand drawer. Within moments, a lubed finger was pressing at him and he groaned as it slid in. It moved in and out, and after several strokes, a second one pressed in beside it. Spencer was quick to add a third and he took the longest with those. Aaron forced himself to relax.
And then the fingers were gone and hands were gripping his waist, one of them still slick, and Aaron held his breath. Spencer’s cock rubbed up and down his ass for a few moments before just the tip was pressing against him. The hold on his waist tightened and Spencer shoved forward.
Aaron clenched the sheets and ground his teeth against the cry that threatened to come out his mouth and moaned instead. He heard Spencer make a strange sound, almost like choking, but he didn’t have enough time to analyze it before the other man bent over him and began slamming his hips into his body.
Spencer’s movements were fast and hard and rough and all Aaron could do was hang on. His own cock was straining with the need to be touched but he resisted, instead concentrating on the noises Spencer was making and the way it felt to have him buried inside.
Suddenly it all stopped and Spencer was out. Aaron froze in confusion and fear and then the hand that grabbed his shoulder and made him roll over onto his back answered his questions. Spencer moved between his legs and pushed in again and leaned forward, taking Aaron’s lips in another kiss.
Aaron spread his legs and lifted his hips so he could grab Spencer around the shoulders and pull him closer and kissed back just as desperately. His hand found the other man’s hair and he held on, meeting every one of Spencer’s thrusts with his body. He found himself groaning with every push and before long, Spencer was covered in sweat and making soft, vulnerable sounds. Aaron kissed him for as long as he could before Spencer bowed his head with exhaustion and then Aaron just held him tightly. He could already tell that tomorrow he was going to hurt, but he held on.
And then, to his completely shock, Spencer’s fingers slid between their bodies and wrapped around his cock. Aaron sobbed at the touch and strained and moments later he was coming. He dimly heard himself shout Spencer’s name as his entire body pushed up from the mattress with the tension and ecstasy that shot through his muscles. He crashed back down with a shudder.
Spencer was still moving on top of him so Aaron kept his hips lifted into the air. His lover-his lover-was close. His whole body was taut and his breath was becoming ragged. Aaron had no warning except for the bite that suddenly sank into his shoulder moments before Spencer shoved in and held there, frozen. Aaron held him as close as he could.
When Spencer came down from the orgasm he did so with a sobbing gasp and he collapsed onto Aaron, causing Aaron to also fall completely to the mattress. Spencer pulled out and hid his face in the crook of Aaron’s shoulder, catching his breath. Aaron slowly stroked his hair, staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out what had just happened.
Gradually their breathing slowed and Spencer rolled away slightly, still staying mostly on top of Aaron but moving to a more comfortable position. He whispered something.
“Mm?” Aaron had to ask.
Spencer lifted his head. “I said, I didn’t mean to do that.”
Aaron laughed shortly. “You seemed pretty determined.”
Spencer lowered his head back down. “I meant to sleep on the couch tonight, and then I meant to calmly discuss all of that in the morning.”
“We discussed something in there?” Aaron asked dryly.
“I mean about the sex, about-about what I was worried about,” Spencer said.
“I know,” Aaron said. He continued to pet Spencer’s head. “If you still want to sleep on the couch…”
“Fuck you,” Spencer said, but it wasn’t mean-spirited. “All I want to do right now is somehow get under the covers and go to sleep.”
Aaron considered that. He could feel Spencer’s cum dripping out of him and his own was on both of their chests. “We should shower and put the blanket in the laundry first,” he said.
“Fuck you,” Spencer repeated.
Aaron smiled. “Under the covers and sleep it is,” he said.
---
Aaron woke up before his alarm the next morning and the first thing he felt was the soreness that had settled over his muscles. He suppressed a groan and opened his eyes. Spencer was lying next to him, curled on his side, holding his arms close to his chest. His was breathing softly and evenly and his hair had fallen partially over his face. Aaron reached out and brushed it back, tucking it as best he could behind his ear.
Spencer opened his eyes sleepily and looked at him. Aaron paused, not sure if he was welcome or not, but Spencer turned his face into the touch and shifted closer. Aaron curled his arm around Spencer’s chest and touched their foreheads together. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly.
“Mm. Maybe.”
“Do you want to shower first, or should I?”
“Just wait a while.”
Aaron closed his eyes and they lay quietly together. After a few minutes, Spencer uncurled and slid his leg between Aaron’s and wrapped an arm around his waist. He made a sleepy noise that Aaron couldn’t decipher.
“Did you sleep okay?” he asked.
“Better than in a while,” Spencer answered.
“Can I get anything for breakfast?”
“Aaron.” Spencer opened one eye. “I don’t need you to look after my every want.”
“But I want to,” Aaron said.
“Then I want to just enjoy this for a little longer,” Spencer said.
Aaron quieted and focused on running his hand up and down Spencer’s side. Spencer sighed softly and tucked his head against Aaron’s shoulder.
Aaron found himself tracing patterns with his fingers on Spencer’s back. He could tell from the breathing that Spencer wasn’t asleep but his body felt relaxed. Aaron tried his best to enjoy the moment but knew that any minute his alarm would go off and they would have to get up and one of them would shower and then Spencer would be dressed with his shields up, and then Aaron would have to leave for work and might not see him for weeks and how was he supposed to concentrate on a case when he knew Spencer was alone with nothing more than a self-installed alarm system and a marked car out front to guard him-
“Aaron,” Spencer murmured.
“Hm?”
“Your pulse just sped up,” Spencer said.
“Worrying,” Aaron said with a humorless laugh.
“About me?”
“Yeah.”
Spencer kissed his neck. “Please don’t,” he said. Then he made a contemplative noise.
“What?” Aaron asked.
“Your neck,” Spencer said. “Sorry.”
“My neck?”
Spencer shifted back to free his arm and traced a finger down the side of Aaron’s neck. He hissed. The skin felt raw. “I’ve never wanted to do that before,” Spencer said.
“What does it look like?” Aaron asked, trying to think of what he could wear.
“Well…”
The alarm went off. Spencer sat up and reached over Aaron to turn silence it.
Aaron groaned. “I guess I’ll find out,” he said, and rolled onto his back. “Okay, you or me shower first?”
“I’ll go,” Spencer said, and climbed out of bed. Aaron watched him disappear into the bathroom and buried his head in his pillow once the door had closed. What on earth were they doing? This had to be all kinds of emotionally damaging and there was absolutely no way it was a proper coping technique for what they were going through.
Spencer came out of the bathroom about ten minutes later naked and toweling his hair. Aaron heaved a sigh and got up. He took a step and stopped, wincing. Walking and sitting were going to be difficult today. Would Advil even help that?
Spencer noticed the wince and glanced at him. “Sorry,” he said.
“No you’re not,” Aaron said.
Spencer smiled faintly. “No,” he said. “I’m not.”
Aaron got the first look at his neck as soon as he closed the door and he was startled by the sight. There was a whole trail of dark bruising up and down the side, stretching from his jaw to his collar. Aaron swore. No shirt was going to cover that up. No scarf was going to cover that up, or at least, not one that he would be able to get away with wearing. If he could get into his office without attracting attention…if he walked backwards past the bullpen so that side of his neck would be to the wall… Aaron had the urge to smack his palm to his forehead but he restrained and got into the shower.
When Aaron was toweled off, shaved, and dressed he found Spencer in the kitchen pouring a cup of coffee, wearing boxers and one of Aaron’s old college sweatshirts. Spencer handed him the mug and pushed forward a bowl of oatmeal.
“Are we okay?” Aaron asked.
Spencer shrugged and kept his gaze on the counter. “It feels natural to be here,” he said. “I didn’t think it would.”
Aaron regarded him as he began eating. “That isn’t what I asked.”
“I don’t know the answer to what you asked.”
Aaron sighed. The shields were definitely back up. All he could do was keep his lowered and wait for Spencer to come to him. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said quietly. “I didn’t have nightmares last night.”
Spencer’s gaze snapped up to him. Aaron continued to eat in the silence while Spencer regarded him and thought.
Finally Spencer asked, “What did you think would happen, when you published that story?”
“What do you mean?” Aaron asked.
Spencer looked back down and traced a pattern along the counter. “You thought that you would push me away and trick Foyet. But what did you think was going to happen after you caught him and I still believed you were having an affair?”
Aaron sighed. “I didn’t think that far ahead. I just wanted you safe and as far away as possible.”
Spencer laughed shortly. “What were you going to do if wouldn’t come back?”
“I don’t know,” Aaron said. “I didn’t let myself think about it.”
“You did really fabulously without me, didn’t you,” Spencer said. “Morgan’s the team leader, and the barcode on your scotch bottle is different from both the one you had on the table, which was brand new, and the one you had in the cabinet. That means you’ve gone through at least two bottles in a matter of months, which means your average rate of drinking increased by-”
“Spencer,” Aaron interrupted. “I-I don’t have time for this right now.”
“Right,” Spencer said. “Of course.”
Aaron finished the oatmeal and leaned across the counter and kissed Spencer quickly. “When I get home, I promise.” He downed the rest of the coffee and stood up, allowing himself to wince one more time.
Spencer was resting his head in his hand, watching him. “You know that shirt doesn’t hide…”
“I know,” Aaron said, unable to keep the laugh out of his voice.
“Rossi’s going to love it.”
“He is,” Aaron agreed. Spencer smiled at him and he smiled back, then walked around into the kitchen instead of heading to the door.
Spencer turned around so his back was to the counter and rested his elbows on it. Aaron cupped his face in his hands and kissed him again. Spencer’s hands circled his waist and Aaron stayed there long after the timer in his head told him he needed to leave. Spencer was the one who finally lifted a hand to his chest and pulled back. “You’ll be late,” he said.
Aaron sighed and kissed Spencer once more before touching their foreheads together. “Tell me you know I love you,” he said.
“I know you do,” Spencer said.
“While I’m gone,” Aaron said, “I want you to think of every reason you’re angry at me. And then you can tell me all of them and I’ll start doing whatever I have to do to make up for them.”
Spencer considered that for a moment and then nodded.
“Good,” Aaron said.
“Go to work,” Spencer said. “Call me if you get a case.”
“I will,” Aaron said. He pulled away reluctantly, already dreading what Rossi was going to say.
---
Aaron, being late, had to deal with walking through a full bullpen. He came up with the solution of holding his cell phone to his ear, talking to absolutely no one, and letting his arm fall over his neck at just the right angle to cover most of the bruising and got all the way to his office without any second glances. He even managed to avoid having to say good morning to anyone because of the “conversation.”
Aaron closed his office door behind him and closed his phone with a relieved sigh. He walked over to his desk and sat down, counting down the seconds in his head until Rossi showed up.
Rossi was about two minutes late and Aaron was starting to wonder if he was even here today when the door opened. Aaron rested his chin in his hand, twisting his hand back to cover his neck, and looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
Rossi raised an eyebrow in response. “You okay?” he asked. “I heard the officer was relocated to your apartment.”
“Spencer moved back in with me,” Aaron said.
“That was fast,” Rossi said.
Aaron just looked at him.
“Well,” Rossi said, peering, “I just wanted to see if you were all right. I assume he did it to keep Father James out of the Foyet mess.”
“That’s right,” Aaron said.
“You know I don’t think I’ve ever seen you sit like that,” Rossi said.
Aaron glared. It would have worked on anyone but Rossi. Rossi, the infuriating ass that he was, just took a step closer and tried to get a better look.
Aaron decided it was like a band-aid. Just get it done with. He lowered his hand.
Rossi’s eyebrows shot up. “Wow,” he said.
Aaron waved his hand. “Just…get it out of your system, okay?”
“He must have been pissed,” Rossi said.
“Do you really have to profile?”
“It doesn’t take profiling to tell that a natural sub had to be pissed to do that,” Rossi said matter-of-factly.
“It’s profiling to decide that he’s a natural sub,” Aaron said.
Rossi just gave him a look and Aaron scowled.
“I’ll ask again,” Rossi said. “Are you okay?”
“You seem to ask me that a lot,” Aaron said.
Rossi shrugged. “You seem to need it a lot.”
Aaron glanced out the window into the bullpen and his voice got softer. “He has his shields up but he isn’t pushing me away,” he said. “It just needs time.”
“All right,” Rossi said. “Just keep in mind that sometimes swallowing your pride and sleeping on the couch is the right choice.”
Aaron rolled his eyes.
“Ah-there, see?” Rossi said. “You don’t believe me. But trust me, it’ll happen, and you’ll go without a fight, and then you’ll thank me.”
“I told him to make a list of every reason he’s mad at me while I’m at work today,” Aaron said. “So he can read it off to me when I get home and get it off his chest.”
Rossi smirked. “Couch night, for sure.”