Strength in Pain: Six of One
Part Two of Strength in Pain; Six of One
Part One is here:
http://dr-roslin.livejournal.com/1147.html
BSG still doesn't belong to me, but I couldn't keep these characters from doing what they want...
So Laura Roslin came up with new plan.
Walking into her Admiral's Quarters, she knew what she had to do. She loved this man too much; she would not lie to him. She had trusted in his friendship for too long; she would not deceive him. It had always been the two of them; she would do this the right way.
She swore to him that she would keep them both in these rooms until she found a way to convince him. He believed her. That didn’t mean he let her off the hook.
‘Get comfortable, Roslin. No one’s going anywhere.’
‘Bill. It’ll work. I’m not saying it’s a good plan. I’m saying it will work.’
He took off his glasses and squeezed the bridge of his nose. She hated that; he only did it when he was too tired to think straight.
‘No.’
‘Yes.’
‘No. I’m not arguing with you.’
‘We’ll get Lee back. He’ll be safe.’
You’ll get Lee back. He’ll be safe.
‘And you?’
She knew he was hurting. She knew he had been for months, since Baltar’s trial, since he’d decided it was his duty had been to listen to his conscience and not her, even as her cancer had returned.
‘I’ll be fine.’
She knew, even if he hadn’t told her, that he sometimes thought of this as his punishment. To have her die, in front of him. To make him watch.
‘Really?’ He glanced at her sideways from under his lids, expressing more eloquently than he could with words how well he knew she was lying. The 'Adama look' she'd once called it; it was still just as effective.
She wouldn’t ask him to choose between her and his kids. She’d been there before. She hadn’t liked how it had ended. She knew she shouldn’t blame him for that, but some tiny part of her (a part of her she detested), still did. Blamed him for following Lee’s counsel at the trial, blamed him for breaking with her over Kara, even if she had come back from the dead, even if he'd been right in the end to do so. Even if she loved her too.
In any case, she’d already put him through enough. She wouldn’t make him choose.
‘This is the only way, Bill.’
'No.'
The real subtext to the conversation hung in the air. She wouldn’t say it.
I’ll be dead in a week or two anyway.
‘We don’t have a lot of time, and this the safest, the quickest, the surest way. The one with the least bloodshed. The one with the least damage. To our people, to theirs.’
He swung around violently before sinking slowly into his chair, deflating.
‘No.’
‘Bill - ’
‘No. I said no.’
She was never going to convince him. She knew that. Still, she had to try. For his sake. And hers.
She let the silence grow between them, let the impact of her arguments sink in.
‘No.’ It came out as a plea.
She simply looked at him, trying to funnel all of her love into him.
‘No.’
She lowered her gaze in shame. She stand seeing, no causing, that much pain.
‘No.’ He was trying not to beg.
And he was failing.
‘Safe, Bill. This will keep them safe.’
‘You think I’ll trade them for you? Lee for you? Just ‘cause you’re dying… You think that’s how I work? It’s not. You think I can't find a way? They want to mess with us? With you?!?!...I’ll find a way.’
For a moment she could barely contain her pride as she saw again her Admiral, as he had been all those years at her side, standing resolute and powerful in front of her. It had beaten him down, everything that had happened; her illness, the betrayals of others, the price paid in blood and the body of the Galactica. But it had never broken him.
And, oh, she was tempted. Gods she was tempted. She had to stamp it down. Remember. She had to be strong. She couldn’t pay for her comfort with his soul.
‘Bill. Think of the costs. Think of the casualties; theirs and ours. And for what? This will work.’
‘You think I care about them? You think I give a frak about them?’
‘Bill - ’
‘It’s you I need.’
She sighed. He couldn’t keep her. At least not for long. Let her give him this. Let her give him Lee.
‘You. I have you. I’m not giving you up.’ He sighed. ‘At least not to them.’
‘And Lee?’
‘We’ll get him back. They’ll see sense. We’ll make them see sense.’ He glared at her. ‘I’m not giving them you.’
She cupped his face again in her hands.
‘Bill. You have to let me go.’
He stared into her with his blue eyes as he leaned in, as he peered into her soul.
‘No.’
She found out later from Saul that the argument got so uncharacteristically loud that the marines posted outside the Admiral’s quarters had called him. He had listened only a second before he sent them to stand post down the hall before positioning himself in front of the hatch.
As the argument continued, as tempers deteriorated, Bill resorted to guilt and personal invectives, delivered in a viciously quiet tone. Yet, Laura stood firm. She looked up as Saul stepped in to assess the damage. Clearly feeling as though he was taking his life in his hands, he turned to Laura. Hearing her plan clearly did nothing to reassure him. Steadfast in her resolve, she stood quietly before him.
She could see the sorrow on his face. ‘So,’ he said, ‘it’s time.’
She consulted with him often as she put her plan into action; she trusted no one else with her Admiral. Their friendship was amongst the most remarkable she had ever seen, she had always admired it. What must it be like, she had often wondered, to have someone that firmly on your side?
She had only been able to imagine that type of mutual support before gaining the trust of the stoic Commander of the last Battlestar.
And not a moment too soon.
Cancer was a bitch.
Part One is here:
http://dr-roslin.livejournal.com/1147.html
BSG still doesn't belong to me, but I couldn't keep these characters from doing what they want...
So Laura Roslin came up with new plan.
Walking into her Admiral's Quarters, she knew what she had to do. She loved this man too much; she would not lie to him. She had trusted in his friendship for too long; she would not deceive him. It had always been the two of them; she would do this the right way.
She swore to him that she would keep them both in these rooms until she found a way to convince him. He believed her. That didn’t mean he let her off the hook.
‘Get comfortable, Roslin. No one’s going anywhere.’
‘Bill. It’ll work. I’m not saying it’s a good plan. I’m saying it will work.’
He took off his glasses and squeezed the bridge of his nose. She hated that; he only did it when he was too tired to think straight.
‘No.’
‘Yes.’
‘No. I’m not arguing with you.’
‘We’ll get Lee back. He’ll be safe.’
You’ll get Lee back. He’ll be safe.
‘And you?’
She knew he was hurting. She knew he had been for months, since Baltar’s trial, since he’d decided it was his duty had been to listen to his conscience and not her, even as her cancer had returned.
‘I’ll be fine.’
She knew, even if he hadn’t told her, that he sometimes thought of this as his punishment. To have her die, in front of him. To make him watch.
‘Really?’ He glanced at her sideways from under his lids, expressing more eloquently than he could with words how well he knew she was lying. The 'Adama look' she'd once called it; it was still just as effective.
She wouldn’t ask him to choose between her and his kids. She’d been there before. She hadn’t liked how it had ended. She knew she shouldn’t blame him for that, but some tiny part of her (a part of her she detested), still did. Blamed him for following Lee’s counsel at the trial, blamed him for breaking with her over Kara, even if she had come back from the dead, even if he'd been right in the end to do so. Even if she loved her too.
In any case, she’d already put him through enough. She wouldn’t make him choose.
‘This is the only way, Bill.’
'No.'
The real subtext to the conversation hung in the air. She wouldn’t say it.
I’ll be dead in a week or two anyway.
‘We don’t have a lot of time, and this the safest, the quickest, the surest way. The one with the least bloodshed. The one with the least damage. To our people, to theirs.’
He swung around violently before sinking slowly into his chair, deflating.
‘No.’
‘Bill - ’
‘No. I said no.’
She was never going to convince him. She knew that. Still, she had to try. For his sake. And hers.
She let the silence grow between them, let the impact of her arguments sink in.
‘No.’ It came out as a plea.
She simply looked at him, trying to funnel all of her love into him.
‘No.’
She lowered her gaze in shame. She stand seeing, no causing, that much pain.
‘No.’ He was trying not to beg.
And he was failing.
‘Safe, Bill. This will keep them safe.’
‘You think I’ll trade them for you? Lee for you? Just ‘cause you’re dying… You think that’s how I work? It’s not. You think I can't find a way? They want to mess with us? With you?!?!...I’ll find a way.’
For a moment she could barely contain her pride as she saw again her Admiral, as he had been all those years at her side, standing resolute and powerful in front of her. It had beaten him down, everything that had happened; her illness, the betrayals of others, the price paid in blood and the body of the Galactica. But it had never broken him.
And, oh, she was tempted. Gods she was tempted. She had to stamp it down. Remember. She had to be strong. She couldn’t pay for her comfort with his soul.
‘Bill. Think of the costs. Think of the casualties; theirs and ours. And for what? This will work.’
‘You think I care about them? You think I give a frak about them?’
‘Bill - ’
‘It’s you I need.’
She sighed. He couldn’t keep her. At least not for long. Let her give him this. Let her give him Lee.
‘You. I have you. I’m not giving you up.’ He sighed. ‘At least not to them.’
‘And Lee?’
‘We’ll get him back. They’ll see sense. We’ll make them see sense.’ He glared at her. ‘I’m not giving them you.’
She cupped his face again in her hands.
‘Bill. You have to let me go.’
He stared into her with his blue eyes as he leaned in, as he peered into her soul.
‘No.’
She found out later from Saul that the argument got so uncharacteristically loud that the marines posted outside the Admiral’s quarters had called him. He had listened only a second before he sent them to stand post down the hall before positioning himself in front of the hatch.
As the argument continued, as tempers deteriorated, Bill resorted to guilt and personal invectives, delivered in a viciously quiet tone. Yet, Laura stood firm. She looked up as Saul stepped in to assess the damage. Clearly feeling as though he was taking his life in his hands, he turned to Laura. Hearing her plan clearly did nothing to reassure him. Steadfast in her resolve, she stood quietly before him.
She could see the sorrow on his face. ‘So,’ he said, ‘it’s time.’
She consulted with him often as she put her plan into action; she trusted no one else with her Admiral. Their friendship was amongst the most remarkable she had ever seen, she had always admired it. What must it be like, she had often wondered, to have someone that firmly on your side?
She had only been able to imagine that type of mutual support before gaining the trust of the stoic Commander of the last Battlestar.
And not a moment too soon.
Cancer was a bitch.