West Wing - Fan Fiction

[dr_ingram]

Fandom: West Wing
Title: Honey
Paring: Josh/Donna
Rating: General
Beta: None
Spoilers: Set after ‘In the Shadow of Two Gun Men’ but before ‘Noel’
Summary: Donna can’t help but enlighten Josh with a little trivia.

Edit: A kind hearted thank you to flippet for a little suggestion to the story and for giving some great feedback. It really is

Comments

[flippet]

Very cute! Could use a good beta-ing just to clean up some strays, but I like it. :-)

Here's what you're missing that I kind of expected, actually, and was disappointed not to find: (I've adjusted a sentence for you.)

“Well it’s always good to have a little bit of inane knowledge,” she said, glaring humorously at Josh as she turned, her golden hair slipping over her shoulder. “You never know what benefits you may get from it.”

Just the smallest allusion there gives it a nice kick, I think. :-)

[dr_ingram]

Yeah you're right, thanks. :) You don't mind if I add that do you?

It normally takes me a while to get into the characters and a writing style, I haven't written any fan fiction for over a year or so now. It does also help if it's been betaed. I just need to get my eye in with a few more little fics. Josh Donna banter is quite hard to get right, and I'm saying that as someone whose just read fan fic stories about them.

Glad that you liked it.

[flippet]

You don't mind if I add that do you?

Go ahead, just give me a drop of credit in your Author's Note. :-) (Like - 'Thanks to flippet for a slight tweak'. And anyone who sees my post will see what exactly I did.) It's still not perfect, I don't think (I massaged it for a few minutes, trying to keep most of what you had), but it's better.

[dr_ingram]

also i did rush this out perhaps a little too quick, but I was just kinda desperate to out it out there and get some feedback

[flippet]

Hey, I can understand excitement! That's good. And really--the work it needs is pretty much just a good brushing and sweeping. The foundation is reasonably solid. A couple of run-throughs with a critical eye and a 'red pen' can make a good idea so much tighter, give it the snap it needs.

Believe me, the fact that I'm even mentioning it, let alone tossing a tweak at you means that I like it. :-) If someone writes something that's either carelessly un-beta-ed, or just hopeless in other ways, I generally don't bother to comment at all. I could see that wasn't the case here! (Also, are you British, perchance? I think a couple of the things that jumped out at me are related to that.)

[dr_ingram]

Yes, yes I am British :) and don't worry I was so gonna give you credit with the little tweek. If you don't mind me asking I'd like to see how you massaged it. If you're cool with that.