(no subject)
I have been neglecting live journal for quite some time, not of my own will, but that of my circumstnaces. I had no idea that so much work could exist. My daily schedule involves going to class at 8 every weekday, coming back to the room when it is done, and working untill midnight on it. The weekends, working all day. I have some work to do over spring break, but now that it is here I do have some time to reflect.
What is it that I truly want in life? Perhaps, given the dreary conotation of my typical posts, the question is taken out of context and interpreted as being the beginnings of another sorrow rant. The condition that is responsible for these past posts has, I feel, changed significantly. Certain things have become more clear, other things I am coming to terms with. I do not necessarily like all of the facts, but they are as they are and how I feel about them is not going to change anything. The question of what I want to recieve from life is still a valid question, and what better time to ask?
I do want to be an engineer, because I am facinated with the scientific basis on which it is based, and the career's rewards can certainly be helpful in achieving other life goals. I want to finnish my book. I don't have very much written, and that much needs to be scrapted, but I have most of it outlined. The same goes for my symphony. I want to expand my abilities on the horn as much as possible, until I can show Baumann what's what I will not be finnished. I want to play with a symphony, either for performance or in the recording studios. I want to actually use that mathematical investment strategy, which I have tested the numbers for. This can lead to finacial independance, freeing me to write stories and music. I want to take the profits and make an independent film about them. I want to live freely. I want to see where the roads go, to explore big cities and small towns. I want to see the many sites this world has to offer. I want to see mountains, to be there standing at the top of the world. And, so much more. Most of all, I want to do these things with the people that I care about.
But, the political air of this country is changing in ways that would eliminate many of these possibilities in many ways. The people in Washington realize full well that the American people have no concept of what they have been blessed with, and what's more they are begging to give it away for one reason or another out of greed, loathing, ignorance of history, and all around stupidity.
To do anything with other people, requires just that: other people. It is all subject to the whim of other people, and I am poor at pursuation and communicating my feelings. Most people's priorities are the inverse of my own, and that is just a baic problem that is not going to change.
It all comes down to two essential desires. I want to live freely, and I want to find love.
What is it that I truly want in life? Perhaps, given the dreary conotation of my typical posts, the question is taken out of context and interpreted as being the beginnings of another sorrow rant. The condition that is responsible for these past posts has, I feel, changed significantly. Certain things have become more clear, other things I am coming to terms with. I do not necessarily like all of the facts, but they are as they are and how I feel about them is not going to change anything. The question of what I want to recieve from life is still a valid question, and what better time to ask?
I do want to be an engineer, because I am facinated with the scientific basis on which it is based, and the career's rewards can certainly be helpful in achieving other life goals. I want to finnish my book. I don't have very much written, and that much needs to be scrapted, but I have most of it outlined. The same goes for my symphony. I want to expand my abilities on the horn as much as possible, until I can show Baumann what's what I will not be finnished. I want to play with a symphony, either for performance or in the recording studios. I want to actually use that mathematical investment strategy, which I have tested the numbers for. This can lead to finacial independance, freeing me to write stories and music. I want to take the profits and make an independent film about them. I want to live freely. I want to see where the roads go, to explore big cities and small towns. I want to see the many sites this world has to offer. I want to see mountains, to be there standing at the top of the world. And, so much more. Most of all, I want to do these things with the people that I care about.
But, the political air of this country is changing in ways that would eliminate many of these possibilities in many ways. The people in Washington realize full well that the American people have no concept of what they have been blessed with, and what's more they are begging to give it away for one reason or another out of greed, loathing, ignorance of history, and all around stupidity.
To do anything with other people, requires just that: other people. It is all subject to the whim of other people, and I am poor at pursuation and communicating my feelings. Most people's priorities are the inverse of my own, and that is just a baic problem that is not going to change.
It all comes down to two essential desires. I want to live freely, and I want to find love.