Fanfic: From the Ashes ( Kirk / McCoy )
Title: From the Ashes
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairing: Kirk / McCoy
Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective copyright holders. I am just borrowing them to play with for the course of the story
Warnings: Foul language, homophobia, verbal abuse, mentions of physical abuse, some male / male romance and kissing at the end, mention of past abuse, man hitting a woman (though it is for good reason)
Summary: ( Written to full another prompt on the st_xi_kink_meme ) When Jim comes home to the apartment he and McCoy are living in, he encounters a horror the likes of which he never thought he'd see in his lifetime and it sends him into a murderous rage. How dare Jocelyn abuse Bones in their home, in front of Joanna and think she can get away with it?!
***********
James T. Kirk was angry. He was beyond angry, actually. He was downright homicidally angry and he felt he had every right to be. Leonard McCoy was a member of his family as far as he was concerned. For three years the doctor had been there for him through his darkest hours and his happiest days. For every fight he had gotten himself into, Bones was there to patch him up. Every year for those three years on his birthday the man would take him out to a party around town and made sure he got back home safe and sound and when Christmas and New Years would roll around Jim made sure that he was there for Bones, trying to make new memories so that the painful old ones would not drive the man to drink to the point of alcohol poisoning.
Before today, Jim believed that his best friend’s three years of celibacy was due to depression. After all, the man had just left everything he ever knew, including his beloved daughter, in Georgia. It was obvious that the man missed his little girl dearly. He even wrote letters to her every day to a PADD he had left for her. While he hadn’t had anyone he cared about that much in his life leave him so suddenly, Jim could understand the need to avoid romantic relationships when one partner was too emotionally screwed up to properly hold their end of the romance in place.
But today Jim Kirk learned that there was more to it than just the depression of, for all intents and purposes, losing a child. It was way more than that and the only reason why that Jocelyn bitch was still alive was because killing her would ultimately destroy not only his career but Bones’ too. Right now his best friend needed support, not violence and that was what he was going to get. There were no promises for the future though. The next time he saw the woman, she had better pray there were people around. He knew more than a few people who could easily make sure a body was never found. Ever.
It all began when he got out of his briefings with the Admirals earlier today where they explained to him his new responsibilities as a captain and gave him the proper warnings and congratulations for earning such a position in the field. Pike had been especially happy with him and, as soon as the meeting was over, had invited him to his office for a drink to celebrate. Jim had known that Bones would be with his family that day. Jocelyn and Joanna had arrived shortly after the Enterprise had returned to spend time with him. McCoy had looked happy when he had gathered his daughter in his arms and held her with a bright smile on his face so he hadn’t been too concerned. He had thought to allow his roommate a little more time with their apartment to himself and catch up with the Admiral. No harm done.
But when he did return an hour later, it was to a sight he never thought he would see and never wanted to see again. Their apartment was a mess. All the pictures that had been up of Bones and himself were shredded and lying in pieces amongst the broken glass. The couch was shredded. The iron poker they kept by the fireplace was in the center of the living room floor. But it wasn’t the sight of the mess that bothered Jim. There blood on the poker and splotches of it staining both the shattered glass and the carpet leading out towards their bedroom. As he stepped further into their home, leaving his boots on for fear of getting his feet stabbed, he heard a woman yelling and a little girl crying loudly. Damn it!
Without thinking for his own safety, Jim picked up the old fashioned baseball bat he and Bones kept by the entrance for dealing with intruders and stormed into their bedroom, ready and willing to take down whoever the fuck decided to trash their home and go after a man’s former wife and daughter. Where the fuck was Bones? He may be a doctor but the man could fight when he wanted to. Surely he would have taken this punk out of commission by now.
His question was answered when he stepped into the room and saw the most horrifying sight he could have possibly imagined to have happened in their home. Bones was curled up against the foot of his bed, his head bowed near his knees and his surgeon’s instinct having him curl his precious hands against his chest so his knees could likewise protect them. His shirt was missing, revealing the dark bruising along his ribs and spine where there weren’t any bleeding wounds that stained his skin red. Jim knew that if he tried to listen closely, there was a good chance he would hear his friend crying but he couldn’t hear him over the crying of his daughter, standing in the corner of the room just watching, and Jocelyn yelling cruel words at him from where she stood, still holding a piece of broken, blood stained glass that she no doubt used the make the cuts on his arms with.
“I should have known better than to think you’d changed any, you pathetic piece of shit,” she shouted at her former husband while Jim tried to figure out how best to disarm her without getting hurt or hurting her more than necessary, “You can’t even get your stupid ass killed in space properly! When I said I wanted you gone, I meant it, faggot. There’s no reason for you to so much as exist anymore. Your fucktoy has left you. Starfleet’s going to fire your ass as soon as I get my say. It’s over. There’s nothing left for you. The only decent thing you can do for the world now is to die.”
That was the final straw. Jim wasn’t going to bother taking care of this nicely. He let the bat loose and struck Jocelyn hard in the shoulder, making her cry out in pain and drop the glass before tackling her down. She tried to wrestle with him, scratch at him with her claws but he was quick to hold down her hands and use his weight to keep her legs still. Her hazel eyes burned with absolute fury but Jim was just as angry, if not angrier. No one dared talk like that to Leonard McCoy, especially not in his presence. His anger was just further fueled by the marks she had carved into him, first with the poker then with the piece of glass.
He barely heard as even in his pain Leonard reached for his daughter, his soft, Southern drawl coaxing the small girl to come to him, telling her he was alright, that everything was going to be okay, but what specifically was said Kirk had no idea. He was far too focused on the bitch beneath him. “You wanna repeat any of that to my face, slut?” he said calmly, letting his anger vent itself by how tightly he pinned her wrists, “I don’t think I heard you clearly. What was that about me being a fuck toy?”
She laughed, even as the doctor got to his feet and picked up his daughter to take her out of the room. “You heard me, you little faggot. They may claim you guys saved the world but in my eyes, abominations like you and Leonard need to be taken out back and shot like dogs. It’s not bad enough that scum like you exists but then you had to drag down the McCoy family name with your disgusting habits too.” Her nose wrinkled in a sneer. “I knew Leonard was a pathetic man in bed but I didn’t think he would sink so low as to need to pay a twink like you to fuck him.”
Jim made sure that his grip on her arms remained firm under one hand before he slapped her harshly across the face with the other. He didn’t care if it bruised badly or it busted her lip. He wanted to do so much worse but refrained. “Now you listen to me, cunt,” he spat with a little more of an icy edge to his words, “I don’t give a flying fuck what happened between you and Doctor McCoy but if I ever see you lay one more hand on my Chief Medical Officer, I will personally see to it that you spend the rest of your miserable days wishing I’d left you on a Klingon prison planet. Do I make myself clear?”
The woman didn’t let her expression change one bit. “I’m afraid I don’t believe you for a minute there, Captain Cocksucker. What proof do you have? It’s my word against yours. He isn’t going to report me. He wants to see his little girl once in a while. Without him, you haven’t got a chance.”
Captain James Kirk let a slow, dark smile cross his face. “You’re right. If it was just my word against yours, that would be the case. But see-” he indicated with his eyes a bulb that hovered in the corner of their bedroom, “-we live in a fairly safe facility that has constant surveillance as part of the security of the place.” He glanced back at her and saw her jaw tighten when she saw for herself the truth. “Now I’m going to be nice and let go but when I do, you’re going to get your fat ass out of our apartment and you’re never going to set foot in it again.”
Jocelyn nodded and Jim very slowly let her go, making sure to grab his bat in case she made a move to attack him again. She didn’t. She cradled her aching shoulder instead and walked out of the room, her head held high, despite the bruise already forming on her cheek. He followed her out, ready to take a swing if she so much as moved in the wrong direction. “Joanna McCoy,” she barked at her daughter, who clung to her daddy’s neck a little tighter, “Come with me. We are leaving. Now.”
“No!” Joanna protested, “I wanna stay with daddy.”
Jocelyn made an annoyed sound and went to grab her daughter but Jim, leveled the bat with her arm without hitting it. “Make another move and I’ll break it.” It was a promise.
The woman snorted. “And you expect me to just leave her here for you animals to molest? I ain’t stupid.”
As offended as Jim was by the very thought he didn’t trust himself to not end up killing her if they ended up in an all out brawl. “Get. Out. I’m not going to tell you again.”
Jocelyn rolled her eyes at his words but did as he ordered, grabbing her purse on her way out the door and not looking back. Kirk waited by the door, watching through the peep hole to make sure she was gone before locking it. He wasn’t going to take any chances of her barging in with a civilian grade phaser to take them all out with. He had much more important things to worry about, like his best friend and the man’s daughter clinging to each other in the next room.
It had taken hours to get the living room cleaned up and the torn up pictures set aside to be put back together at a later time though Jim only moved to clean the bloody poker when he was sure that Bones’ back was as repaired with a dermal generator as it was going to get and they had gotten Joanna calmed down enough to sleep without a sedative in their bedroom. It was while he had started scrubbing at the drying blood that was staining their carpet that he noticed he was shaking for the first time and that his eyes were prickling with tears he didn’t even realize he was coming so close to shedding. In his anger he hadn’t had time to be afraid of anything. He had felt such an urge to hurt or kill the one responsible for hurting his closest friend so badly it was almost instinctual. An now, now that he had had time to calm down and assure himself his friend was alright he had realized just how close he had come to losing the most important person in his life. Not even the bullshit with the Narada had scared him this badly.
So when Bones walked into the room, limping heavily but looking more tired than actually in pain, Jim left his scrubbing things aside and immediately leapt up to help his friend sit on the couch. Just the fact that Leonard tolerated his fussing was a show of how tired he was, physically and emotionally. It was heart wrenching and brought the anger right back. Already he was contemplating the various was he could mangle a human being and still keep them alive though for the most part he fought to keep those thoughts on the back burner of his mind.
“Jim, I’m fine. Really I am,” Bones said, leaning forward to rest his head on his hands, taking deep breaths slowly as his bruised body shot sparks of pain through him. Jim knew from experience that bruising that bad meant that the bones underneath had at the very least been bruised themselves, even if they weren’t broken. “This ain’t the first time she’s flown off the handle like this, though I didn’t expect her to be so petty as to have Joanna in the room this time.” He winced as he shrugged his shoulders. “I guess she saw the pictures of you and me and got too angry to remember to leave Jo outside the room.”
Okay, yeah the anger was back again and it took a lot more effort to wrangle it back outside of the “lashing out at first available person” range. “Bones, why didn’t you tell me?” he asked instead, trying to keep his voice quiet while fighting to squash how hurt he was about it, “You and me, we could have figured something out. I’m sure we could have found a way for you to see Joanna without needing to see her.”
Leonard laughed but to Jim’s ears it was such a hollow, bitter sound it was heartbreaking. “Why? She was right you know. I’m just a pathetic faggot who can’t even manage to commit suicide properly.” Hazel eyes looked up but they were emptier than the captain had ever seen them. “It might have been better for everybody if I had died instead of the last CMO up there.”
James couldn’t stand it anymore. His heart and mind raged against the broken words his friend was saying as if he believed them and without thinking to his actions he reached out and cupped the older man’s face in his hands, making those dark eyes stare into his. He wasn’t going to let the gruff but loveable doctor break right in front of him. Not where there was a chance the man he had known for so long, the man he loved the most in this world, could be saved, even from himself.
“Don’t you dare ever say those words to me ever again, Leonard Horatio McCoy,” he said sharply, leaning closer so that there was no way their gazes could break, “not even as a joke. You are the bravest, strongest, handsomest, most loving and most intelligent man I have ever met. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t think I could have done half the shit I did up in space. Even when I was pushing to save the world, do you know why?”
He got a shake of the head in response and Jim didn’t hesitate. “I wanted to save our home. And I don’t mean ‘Earth’ I mean, this building, this apartment. I wanted to save these old fashioned pictures you keep of us hanging around the place and the kitchen where you make all those delicious home cooked meals when you’re feeling a little blue. I wanted to save the place where we celebrated our birthdays and Christmas and New Years and so many other little things because the happiest days of my life are the ones where I was with you.”
The doctor was staring at him in disbelief his jaw slack just a little bit but Kirk wasn’t out of steam just yet. He wasn’t conscious of the words he said. He just needed to say them. So he was understandably started when the next words that tumbled out of his were words he never thought he would hear himself say. “Bones, to me you aren’t pathetic. You’re the most amazing man I have ever met and I love you. Do you hear me? I love you more than anyone else in the world and if Jocelyn thinks she hurt you with words or weapons anymore, she’s got another thing coming.”
The disbelief on McCoy’s face turned angry. “How dare you, James Kirk. How dare you say that to me.”
Jim started at the harsh words and fell back on his ass when his friend suddenly stood to loom over him. “I know you’re all about pity fucks Jim. I’ve seen it myself. But I never thought you would sink so low as to come after me.” He scoffed. “I must really be looking like a kicked dog if you start spewing that kind of flowery bullshit to get into my pants.”
Now it was Kirk’s turn to stare in disbelief. “Is that really what you think this is?” he asked, staying where he was, “you think I’m lying to you? That I’m just trying to get laid?”
The doctor looked away, trying to keep his expression blank but Jim knew how to read him. There was hurt there, a lot of hurt. “If the shoe fits right, Jim. I can’t think of any other reason why you’d say those kinds of things to me.” Bones turned to limp away, folding his arms over his chest. “If sex is all you want from me then leave me be. I don’t need pity fucks from my friends to get through the day.”
Before he got too far, Jim managed to find his motor control again because he hopped to his feet and without thinking turned him around and pulled him into a tender kiss. It wasn’t passionate or hungry. There was no urgency or even want. It was a kiss, simple as that, a kiss that Jim tried to use to convey everything his heart was telling him he should say but couldn’t find the words for. At first there was no response to his kiss and he was worried he had miscalculated but after a long minute, Leonard did give in, albeit tentatively, as if he was waiting for the other metaphorical shoe to drop.
When he broke the kiss, Kirk didn’t pull away or move from where he stood. He just opened his eyes and stared directly into his best friend’s, as if really seeing them for the first time. “Tell me my feelings are a lie, Bones, and mean it. I’m telling you they’re not. I love you. I really do. It took me almost losing you to some psychotic bitch to figure it out but now that I have I am not letting you out of my sight until you accept them for what they are and decide for yourself if you want me or not.”
“But Jim-“
Jim hushed his friend with a gentle peck. “Listen, you don’t have to decide anything tonight. I’ll let you sleep on it and you can decide in the morning if my feelings are a joke. But first we have to get some sleeping and standing out here isn’t going to do us any good. So I recommend we get ready for bed and you curl up with your daughter while you think about it. She’s bound to get nightmares unless you’re with her.”
The captain let his friend go and took a few steps back to walk away but before he got far he was pulled into a tight hug from behind, one that left him feeling warm and fuzzy on the inside and set his heart fluttering in joy. He couldn’t believe that he didn’t notice this reaction for what it was before. He really must have been in denial. “Thank you Jim,” Bones whispered in his hear. “Thank you.”
Jim smiled and squeezed the arms wrapped around him. “You’re welcome, Bones. Just make sure I don’t have to do this again. While I don’t mind cutting a bitch or two, I would really not have to make a mess of the carpet again.”
The laugh in his ear this time was genuine, even if it was a bit sleepy, and the arms around him let go. Kirk fought away the faint disappointment he felt at the loss of contact with the thought that tomorrow was going to be a brighter day. There were a lot of things he was going to take care of tomorrow, not the least of which was proving just how much he loved the man he had spent the last three years unknowingly falling harder and harder for. Oh well. From the ashes of an old life, a newer, strong one can be born.
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairing: Kirk / McCoy
Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective copyright holders. I am just borrowing them to play with for the course of the story
Warnings: Foul language, homophobia, verbal abuse, mentions of physical abuse, some male / male romance and kissing at the end, mention of past abuse, man hitting a woman (though it is for good reason)
Summary: ( Written to full another prompt on the st_xi_kink_meme ) When Jim comes home to the apartment he and McCoy are living in, he encounters a horror the likes of which he never thought he'd see in his lifetime and it sends him into a murderous rage. How dare Jocelyn abuse Bones in their home, in front of Joanna and think she can get away with it?!
***********
James T. Kirk was angry. He was beyond angry, actually. He was downright homicidally angry and he felt he had every right to be. Leonard McCoy was a member of his family as far as he was concerned. For three years the doctor had been there for him through his darkest hours and his happiest days. For every fight he had gotten himself into, Bones was there to patch him up. Every year for those three years on his birthday the man would take him out to a party around town and made sure he got back home safe and sound and when Christmas and New Years would roll around Jim made sure that he was there for Bones, trying to make new memories so that the painful old ones would not drive the man to drink to the point of alcohol poisoning.
Before today, Jim believed that his best friend’s three years of celibacy was due to depression. After all, the man had just left everything he ever knew, including his beloved daughter, in Georgia. It was obvious that the man missed his little girl dearly. He even wrote letters to her every day to a PADD he had left for her. While he hadn’t had anyone he cared about that much in his life leave him so suddenly, Jim could understand the need to avoid romantic relationships when one partner was too emotionally screwed up to properly hold their end of the romance in place.
But today Jim Kirk learned that there was more to it than just the depression of, for all intents and purposes, losing a child. It was way more than that and the only reason why that Jocelyn bitch was still alive was because killing her would ultimately destroy not only his career but Bones’ too. Right now his best friend needed support, not violence and that was what he was going to get. There were no promises for the future though. The next time he saw the woman, she had better pray there were people around. He knew more than a few people who could easily make sure a body was never found. Ever.
It all began when he got out of his briefings with the Admirals earlier today where they explained to him his new responsibilities as a captain and gave him the proper warnings and congratulations for earning such a position in the field. Pike had been especially happy with him and, as soon as the meeting was over, had invited him to his office for a drink to celebrate. Jim had known that Bones would be with his family that day. Jocelyn and Joanna had arrived shortly after the Enterprise had returned to spend time with him. McCoy had looked happy when he had gathered his daughter in his arms and held her with a bright smile on his face so he hadn’t been too concerned. He had thought to allow his roommate a little more time with their apartment to himself and catch up with the Admiral. No harm done.
But when he did return an hour later, it was to a sight he never thought he would see and never wanted to see again. Their apartment was a mess. All the pictures that had been up of Bones and himself were shredded and lying in pieces amongst the broken glass. The couch was shredded. The iron poker they kept by the fireplace was in the center of the living room floor. But it wasn’t the sight of the mess that bothered Jim. There blood on the poker and splotches of it staining both the shattered glass and the carpet leading out towards their bedroom. As he stepped further into their home, leaving his boots on for fear of getting his feet stabbed, he heard a woman yelling and a little girl crying loudly. Damn it!
Without thinking for his own safety, Jim picked up the old fashioned baseball bat he and Bones kept by the entrance for dealing with intruders and stormed into their bedroom, ready and willing to take down whoever the fuck decided to trash their home and go after a man’s former wife and daughter. Where the fuck was Bones? He may be a doctor but the man could fight when he wanted to. Surely he would have taken this punk out of commission by now.
His question was answered when he stepped into the room and saw the most horrifying sight he could have possibly imagined to have happened in their home. Bones was curled up against the foot of his bed, his head bowed near his knees and his surgeon’s instinct having him curl his precious hands against his chest so his knees could likewise protect them. His shirt was missing, revealing the dark bruising along his ribs and spine where there weren’t any bleeding wounds that stained his skin red. Jim knew that if he tried to listen closely, there was a good chance he would hear his friend crying but he couldn’t hear him over the crying of his daughter, standing in the corner of the room just watching, and Jocelyn yelling cruel words at him from where she stood, still holding a piece of broken, blood stained glass that she no doubt used the make the cuts on his arms with.
“I should have known better than to think you’d changed any, you pathetic piece of shit,” she shouted at her former husband while Jim tried to figure out how best to disarm her without getting hurt or hurting her more than necessary, “You can’t even get your stupid ass killed in space properly! When I said I wanted you gone, I meant it, faggot. There’s no reason for you to so much as exist anymore. Your fucktoy has left you. Starfleet’s going to fire your ass as soon as I get my say. It’s over. There’s nothing left for you. The only decent thing you can do for the world now is to die.”
That was the final straw. Jim wasn’t going to bother taking care of this nicely. He let the bat loose and struck Jocelyn hard in the shoulder, making her cry out in pain and drop the glass before tackling her down. She tried to wrestle with him, scratch at him with her claws but he was quick to hold down her hands and use his weight to keep her legs still. Her hazel eyes burned with absolute fury but Jim was just as angry, if not angrier. No one dared talk like that to Leonard McCoy, especially not in his presence. His anger was just further fueled by the marks she had carved into him, first with the poker then with the piece of glass.
He barely heard as even in his pain Leonard reached for his daughter, his soft, Southern drawl coaxing the small girl to come to him, telling her he was alright, that everything was going to be okay, but what specifically was said Kirk had no idea. He was far too focused on the bitch beneath him. “You wanna repeat any of that to my face, slut?” he said calmly, letting his anger vent itself by how tightly he pinned her wrists, “I don’t think I heard you clearly. What was that about me being a fuck toy?”
She laughed, even as the doctor got to his feet and picked up his daughter to take her out of the room. “You heard me, you little faggot. They may claim you guys saved the world but in my eyes, abominations like you and Leonard need to be taken out back and shot like dogs. It’s not bad enough that scum like you exists but then you had to drag down the McCoy family name with your disgusting habits too.” Her nose wrinkled in a sneer. “I knew Leonard was a pathetic man in bed but I didn’t think he would sink so low as to need to pay a twink like you to fuck him.”
Jim made sure that his grip on her arms remained firm under one hand before he slapped her harshly across the face with the other. He didn’t care if it bruised badly or it busted her lip. He wanted to do so much worse but refrained. “Now you listen to me, cunt,” he spat with a little more of an icy edge to his words, “I don’t give a flying fuck what happened between you and Doctor McCoy but if I ever see you lay one more hand on my Chief Medical Officer, I will personally see to it that you spend the rest of your miserable days wishing I’d left you on a Klingon prison planet. Do I make myself clear?”
The woman didn’t let her expression change one bit. “I’m afraid I don’t believe you for a minute there, Captain Cocksucker. What proof do you have? It’s my word against yours. He isn’t going to report me. He wants to see his little girl once in a while. Without him, you haven’t got a chance.”
Captain James Kirk let a slow, dark smile cross his face. “You’re right. If it was just my word against yours, that would be the case. But see-” he indicated with his eyes a bulb that hovered in the corner of their bedroom, “-we live in a fairly safe facility that has constant surveillance as part of the security of the place.” He glanced back at her and saw her jaw tighten when she saw for herself the truth. “Now I’m going to be nice and let go but when I do, you’re going to get your fat ass out of our apartment and you’re never going to set foot in it again.”
Jocelyn nodded and Jim very slowly let her go, making sure to grab his bat in case she made a move to attack him again. She didn’t. She cradled her aching shoulder instead and walked out of the room, her head held high, despite the bruise already forming on her cheek. He followed her out, ready to take a swing if she so much as moved in the wrong direction. “Joanna McCoy,” she barked at her daughter, who clung to her daddy’s neck a little tighter, “Come with me. We are leaving. Now.”
“No!” Joanna protested, “I wanna stay with daddy.”
Jocelyn made an annoyed sound and went to grab her daughter but Jim, leveled the bat with her arm without hitting it. “Make another move and I’ll break it.” It was a promise.
The woman snorted. “And you expect me to just leave her here for you animals to molest? I ain’t stupid.”
As offended as Jim was by the very thought he didn’t trust himself to not end up killing her if they ended up in an all out brawl. “Get. Out. I’m not going to tell you again.”
Jocelyn rolled her eyes at his words but did as he ordered, grabbing her purse on her way out the door and not looking back. Kirk waited by the door, watching through the peep hole to make sure she was gone before locking it. He wasn’t going to take any chances of her barging in with a civilian grade phaser to take them all out with. He had much more important things to worry about, like his best friend and the man’s daughter clinging to each other in the next room.
It had taken hours to get the living room cleaned up and the torn up pictures set aside to be put back together at a later time though Jim only moved to clean the bloody poker when he was sure that Bones’ back was as repaired with a dermal generator as it was going to get and they had gotten Joanna calmed down enough to sleep without a sedative in their bedroom. It was while he had started scrubbing at the drying blood that was staining their carpet that he noticed he was shaking for the first time and that his eyes were prickling with tears he didn’t even realize he was coming so close to shedding. In his anger he hadn’t had time to be afraid of anything. He had felt such an urge to hurt or kill the one responsible for hurting his closest friend so badly it was almost instinctual. An now, now that he had had time to calm down and assure himself his friend was alright he had realized just how close he had come to losing the most important person in his life. Not even the bullshit with the Narada had scared him this badly.
So when Bones walked into the room, limping heavily but looking more tired than actually in pain, Jim left his scrubbing things aside and immediately leapt up to help his friend sit on the couch. Just the fact that Leonard tolerated his fussing was a show of how tired he was, physically and emotionally. It was heart wrenching and brought the anger right back. Already he was contemplating the various was he could mangle a human being and still keep them alive though for the most part he fought to keep those thoughts on the back burner of his mind.
“Jim, I’m fine. Really I am,” Bones said, leaning forward to rest his head on his hands, taking deep breaths slowly as his bruised body shot sparks of pain through him. Jim knew from experience that bruising that bad meant that the bones underneath had at the very least been bruised themselves, even if they weren’t broken. “This ain’t the first time she’s flown off the handle like this, though I didn’t expect her to be so petty as to have Joanna in the room this time.” He winced as he shrugged his shoulders. “I guess she saw the pictures of you and me and got too angry to remember to leave Jo outside the room.”
Okay, yeah the anger was back again and it took a lot more effort to wrangle it back outside of the “lashing out at first available person” range. “Bones, why didn’t you tell me?” he asked instead, trying to keep his voice quiet while fighting to squash how hurt he was about it, “You and me, we could have figured something out. I’m sure we could have found a way for you to see Joanna without needing to see her.”
Leonard laughed but to Jim’s ears it was such a hollow, bitter sound it was heartbreaking. “Why? She was right you know. I’m just a pathetic faggot who can’t even manage to commit suicide properly.” Hazel eyes looked up but they were emptier than the captain had ever seen them. “It might have been better for everybody if I had died instead of the last CMO up there.”
James couldn’t stand it anymore. His heart and mind raged against the broken words his friend was saying as if he believed them and without thinking to his actions he reached out and cupped the older man’s face in his hands, making those dark eyes stare into his. He wasn’t going to let the gruff but loveable doctor break right in front of him. Not where there was a chance the man he had known for so long, the man he loved the most in this world, could be saved, even from himself.
“Don’t you dare ever say those words to me ever again, Leonard Horatio McCoy,” he said sharply, leaning closer so that there was no way their gazes could break, “not even as a joke. You are the bravest, strongest, handsomest, most loving and most intelligent man I have ever met. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t think I could have done half the shit I did up in space. Even when I was pushing to save the world, do you know why?”
He got a shake of the head in response and Jim didn’t hesitate. “I wanted to save our home. And I don’t mean ‘Earth’ I mean, this building, this apartment. I wanted to save these old fashioned pictures you keep of us hanging around the place and the kitchen where you make all those delicious home cooked meals when you’re feeling a little blue. I wanted to save the place where we celebrated our birthdays and Christmas and New Years and so many other little things because the happiest days of my life are the ones where I was with you.”
The doctor was staring at him in disbelief his jaw slack just a little bit but Kirk wasn’t out of steam just yet. He wasn’t conscious of the words he said. He just needed to say them. So he was understandably started when the next words that tumbled out of his were words he never thought he would hear himself say. “Bones, to me you aren’t pathetic. You’re the most amazing man I have ever met and I love you. Do you hear me? I love you more than anyone else in the world and if Jocelyn thinks she hurt you with words or weapons anymore, she’s got another thing coming.”
The disbelief on McCoy’s face turned angry. “How dare you, James Kirk. How dare you say that to me.”
Jim started at the harsh words and fell back on his ass when his friend suddenly stood to loom over him. “I know you’re all about pity fucks Jim. I’ve seen it myself. But I never thought you would sink so low as to come after me.” He scoffed. “I must really be looking like a kicked dog if you start spewing that kind of flowery bullshit to get into my pants.”
Now it was Kirk’s turn to stare in disbelief. “Is that really what you think this is?” he asked, staying where he was, “you think I’m lying to you? That I’m just trying to get laid?”
The doctor looked away, trying to keep his expression blank but Jim knew how to read him. There was hurt there, a lot of hurt. “If the shoe fits right, Jim. I can’t think of any other reason why you’d say those kinds of things to me.” Bones turned to limp away, folding his arms over his chest. “If sex is all you want from me then leave me be. I don’t need pity fucks from my friends to get through the day.”
Before he got too far, Jim managed to find his motor control again because he hopped to his feet and without thinking turned him around and pulled him into a tender kiss. It wasn’t passionate or hungry. There was no urgency or even want. It was a kiss, simple as that, a kiss that Jim tried to use to convey everything his heart was telling him he should say but couldn’t find the words for. At first there was no response to his kiss and he was worried he had miscalculated but after a long minute, Leonard did give in, albeit tentatively, as if he was waiting for the other metaphorical shoe to drop.
When he broke the kiss, Kirk didn’t pull away or move from where he stood. He just opened his eyes and stared directly into his best friend’s, as if really seeing them for the first time. “Tell me my feelings are a lie, Bones, and mean it. I’m telling you they’re not. I love you. I really do. It took me almost losing you to some psychotic bitch to figure it out but now that I have I am not letting you out of my sight until you accept them for what they are and decide for yourself if you want me or not.”
“But Jim-“
Jim hushed his friend with a gentle peck. “Listen, you don’t have to decide anything tonight. I’ll let you sleep on it and you can decide in the morning if my feelings are a joke. But first we have to get some sleeping and standing out here isn’t going to do us any good. So I recommend we get ready for bed and you curl up with your daughter while you think about it. She’s bound to get nightmares unless you’re with her.”
The captain let his friend go and took a few steps back to walk away but before he got far he was pulled into a tight hug from behind, one that left him feeling warm and fuzzy on the inside and set his heart fluttering in joy. He couldn’t believe that he didn’t notice this reaction for what it was before. He really must have been in denial. “Thank you Jim,” Bones whispered in his hear. “Thank you.”
Jim smiled and squeezed the arms wrapped around him. “You’re welcome, Bones. Just make sure I don’t have to do this again. While I don’t mind cutting a bitch or two, I would really not have to make a mess of the carpet again.”
The laugh in his ear this time was genuine, even if it was a bit sleepy, and the arms around him let go. Kirk fought away the faint disappointment he felt at the loss of contact with the thought that tomorrow was going to be a brighter day. There were a lot of things he was going to take care of tomorrow, not the least of which was proving just how much he loved the man he had spent the last three years unknowingly falling harder and harder for. Oh well. From the ashes of an old life, a newer, strong one can be born.