Okay so this is officially the record for longest time between posts...
Oh, minna-san, where to begin? Life goes by way too fast sometimes. I feel like I'm an entirely different person from the last time I posted. Right now I'm on Spring Break, but somehow I ended up alone in Ann Arbor and I've been thinking about a lot of things. Well, my thoughts can pretty much be divided into three categories:
1. Graduating college
2. JET
3. My love life
So now I'm going to go into these things in much
1. First off, I've been blissfully continuing my undergrad life giving the hereafter fairly little thought...then we hit midterms and spring break and I went..."I'M GRADUATING IN TWO MONTHS!?!?!" Yeah, I can't really believe it either. Where did the time go? I don't really regret anything...I just can't help that nagging feeling that I could've done more! I mean, it makes me unbelievably sad that I have a whole slew of new friends from my Joseph production that I have next to no time with. Not to mention of course my other friends here that have stuck by me through BUNCHES of crap....and of course NEVER forgetting my friends from HS and before who have been with me through even MORE crap and had the added obstacle of distance. I guess I'm not sad for them as much though...I mean, I KNOW that people like Al, Amy and Jess are pretty much linked to me forever by this point. They know I love them even when I forget to say it, they know what I was like back in the day, they know what they mean to me and that I'll be there for them no matter what. People like Brandon, Elizabeth and Caryn know WAY too much about my day-to-day life and have shared the hell that is U of M undergrad with me. They haven't known me as long, but that's just made our friendship that much more intense and amazing. They're irreplaceable, that's all there is to it. Then I have my group of Joseph friends, the "young'uns" as I like to call them. These people mean so much to me it's kinda scary. I swear to god, it's what theatre does to people. But it's like I'm running out of time to get to know them. I'm really feeling the difference in age sometimes, especially since many of them are freshmen and sophmores and they're just beginning their student careers. It's so cute when I ask them what they are majoring in and they tell me they don't know yet. Gosh, those were the days. But come to think of it, I was so late deciding that that I almost ended up here for an extra semester at least. Thank goodness for summer classes. That was proof that indecision has pretty much been the buzzword of the last 4 years for me, haha.
2. JET. My dream since junior year of high school. My answer to what the hell I'm going to do after I graduate. 5 long years of getting up the nerve to actually do it. I've applied. I've interviewed. Now I wait. It seems like last Friday was one of those turning points in my life. If I'm good enough, next year will be the strangest and possibly the best I've ever weathered. If I failed in my interview, I'll be here, but still with no clue as to what is going on. So either I'll be in limbo here or in Japan, so I guess it doesn't matter too much. But still. I totally can't shake the "two roads diverged in a yellow wood" type feeling. I know I said to a bunch of people that I'd be happy just to get the interview over with, but now I think the waiting is going to kill me more. Especially since the interview went so well. I need to put it out of my mind, but I can't. I'm simultaneously the most excited and the most scared I've been in my life and it's weird.
3. This last bit is by far the most trivial, but it's also the most unexpected and the most ill-timed. (I guess you could say that the other two HAD to be at this time, but this one definitely didn't. I digress.) Basically, I'm in love. Well okay, "love" is maybe too strong a word. Deeply in like? Lol. I was just looking over my last two posts and I can't believe that I haven't had anything to say in this arena really since that brief and silly stint obsessing over Mark. I realize now that I liked him, he was funny and good-looking, but we were totally incompatible...plus the whole already having a girlfriend thing. This time it's different and totally came at me out of nowhere. Since this is online publicly and I don't want certain people to stumble over it, I'll be irritatingly vague, how's that sound? He's smart, funny, really good-looking, talented and most importantly, he at least likes me as a friend, which is a start, am I right? In case you haven't guessed by now, he has no clue I like him. Well, unless he's WAY more perceptive than I give him credit for. I love guys, but honestly, they're clueless in the extreme sometimes. Anyway, I haven't SAID anything and for those of you that know me, my attempts at "flirting" are laughable at best. In spite of all this, we've somehow ended up walking home together twice, eating out twice, and today as I was thinking about him he text messaged me. Completely out of the blue. Is that a sign? Am I insane? No. Probably. Anyway all I can think about it how ridiculous it would be to try and start a relationship even if he were interested. I mean....I might be leaving the country for a year and I'm graduating no matter what I try to do to stop it, haha. Then again, if I do nothing, I'll never know. I think I'd rather get outright rejected than live my life never knowing. WOW, overdramatic much? But it's been nagging at my mind like you wouldn't believe. I think I really would like to give it a try, but the thing is... am I too much of a coward to risk it? And another question....risk what? I've known this guy, what? A couple of months? It's not like I have to worry about throwing away years of a friendship or anything but UGH! This is so frustrating anyway. Maybe if I were a supermodel, I'd have more confidence. Don't get me wrong, I've lost 30 lbs since September and I feel really great about that, but that doesn't mean my self-image has improved any. Maybe he really is out of my league.
Holy confusion, Batman...
1. Graduating college
2. JET
3. My love life
So now I'm going to go into these things in much
1. First off, I've been blissfully continuing my undergrad life giving the hereafter fairly little thought...then we hit midterms and spring break and I went..."I'M GRADUATING IN TWO MONTHS!?!?!" Yeah, I can't really believe it either. Where did the time go? I don't really regret anything...I just can't help that nagging feeling that I could've done more! I mean, it makes me unbelievably sad that I have a whole slew of new friends from my Joseph production that I have next to no time with. Not to mention of course my other friends here that have stuck by me through BUNCHES of crap....and of course NEVER forgetting my friends from HS and before who have been with me through even MORE crap and had the added obstacle of distance. I guess I'm not sad for them as much though...I mean, I KNOW that people like Al, Amy and Jess are pretty much linked to me forever by this point. They know I love them even when I forget to say it, they know what I was like back in the day, they know what they mean to me and that I'll be there for them no matter what. People like Brandon, Elizabeth and Caryn know WAY too much about my day-to-day life and have shared the hell that is U of M undergrad with me. They haven't known me as long, but that's just made our friendship that much more intense and amazing. They're irreplaceable, that's all there is to it. Then I have my group of Joseph friends, the "young'uns" as I like to call them. These people mean so much to me it's kinda scary. I swear to god, it's what theatre does to people. But it's like I'm running out of time to get to know them. I'm really feeling the difference in age sometimes, especially since many of them are freshmen and sophmores and they're just beginning their student careers. It's so cute when I ask them what they are majoring in and they tell me they don't know yet. Gosh, those were the days. But come to think of it, I was so late deciding that that I almost ended up here for an extra semester at least. Thank goodness for summer classes. That was proof that indecision has pretty much been the buzzword of the last 4 years for me, haha.
2. JET. My dream since junior year of high school. My answer to what the hell I'm going to do after I graduate. 5 long years of getting up the nerve to actually do it. I've applied. I've interviewed. Now I wait. It seems like last Friday was one of those turning points in my life. If I'm good enough, next year will be the strangest and possibly the best I've ever weathered. If I failed in my interview, I'll be here, but still with no clue as to what is going on. So either I'll be in limbo here or in Japan, so I guess it doesn't matter too much. But still. I totally can't shake the "two roads diverged in a yellow wood" type feeling. I know I said to a bunch of people that I'd be happy just to get the interview over with, but now I think the waiting is going to kill me more. Especially since the interview went so well. I need to put it out of my mind, but I can't. I'm simultaneously the most excited and the most scared I've been in my life and it's weird.
3. This last bit is by far the most trivial, but it's also the most unexpected and the most ill-timed. (I guess you could say that the other two HAD to be at this time, but this one definitely didn't. I digress.) Basically, I'm in love. Well okay, "love" is maybe too strong a word. Deeply in like? Lol. I was just looking over my last two posts and I can't believe that I haven't had anything to say in this arena really since that brief and silly stint obsessing over Mark. I realize now that I liked him, he was funny and good-looking, but we were totally incompatible...plus the whole already having a girlfriend thing. This time it's different and totally came at me out of nowhere. Since this is online publicly and I don't want certain people to stumble over it, I'll be irritatingly vague, how's that sound? He's smart, funny, really good-looking, talented and most importantly, he at least likes me as a friend, which is a start, am I right? In case you haven't guessed by now, he has no clue I like him. Well, unless he's WAY more perceptive than I give him credit for. I love guys, but honestly, they're clueless in the extreme sometimes. Anyway, I haven't SAID anything and for those of you that know me, my attempts at "flirting" are laughable at best. In spite of all this, we've somehow ended up walking home together twice, eating out twice, and today as I was thinking about him he text messaged me. Completely out of the blue. Is that a sign? Am I insane? No. Probably. Anyway all I can think about it how ridiculous it would be to try and start a relationship even if he were interested. I mean....I might be leaving the country for a year and I'm graduating no matter what I try to do to stop it, haha. Then again, if I do nothing, I'll never know. I think I'd rather get outright rejected than live my life never knowing. WOW, overdramatic much? But it's been nagging at my mind like you wouldn't believe. I think I really would like to give it a try, but the thing is... am I too much of a coward to risk it? And another question....risk what? I've known this guy, what? A couple of months? It's not like I have to worry about throwing away years of a friendship or anything but UGH! This is so frustrating anyway. Maybe if I were a supermodel, I'd have more confidence. Don't get me wrong, I've lost 30 lbs since September and I feel really great about that, but that doesn't mean my self-image has improved any. Maybe he really is out of my league.
Holy confusion, Batman...