Enigmatic are we all
I've been trying to figure myself out lately. Just when you think you know the one person you are, they do something that you didn't even realize and tear the paper heart that was your hope. I don't know what it is. It's not something that was intentional or else I wouldn't be questioning myself so much now. Am I afraid of succeeding because of the fear of falling? Is it that I'm afraid of feeling on top of the world? Am I THAT afraid of heights? I admit that it hurts to feel so good and then have it fall to pieces, but not feeling good is worse than losing it. Maybe it's that I'm so critical of myself that subconsciously I keep myself in check so that I don't get feeling TOO good. I wish I knew. Even though I question Him sometimes, I know God is watching over me. He gave me everything I am even if that's not much. He lent me an angel for a bit. Even though it doesn't feel too good to feel that He might've sent her on another assignment for a while, I still have that little part of me that is grateful. At this point in my life, I don't know much, but I do know one thing for sure.