[thelyricalmuses] Passage by Vienna Teng
Title: Hurricane of Warmth and Word
Song: "Passage" by Vienna Teng
Character: Alex Karev
Rating: PG -13 language
Pairing(s): Alex/Izzie
Fandom(s): Grey's Anatomy
Author's Note: N/a
in a hurricane of warmth and word
His eyes drift shut and he can’t take it anymore. Sitting outside the bathroom door getting looks from everyone as if they’re asking what right he has to be there. He can only roll his eyes and wish he was anywhere else but knowing he’s not going to leave unless he has to. It was one thing to go home and change but something else all together to just leave.
Alex doesn’t do sympathy. He prefers to rest soundly in his apathy, it’s safe when there is only apathy. Sympathy makes him sick to his stomach but he’s here anyway knowing she’s just lying on that floor in that dress that took his breath away and he knows, without looking, that she looks empty.
No one did this. He knew she would blame herself but shit happens. He fucking hates what she did and that she was stupid enough to risk everything for … but he gets it. He fucking gets it and that makes it worse. So he sits outside that bathroom door and waits until everyone is a united front, standing outside the door and pleading with her to just come out. He could try to swoop in like he had the night before but that was different and she wouldn’t listen to him now so he doesn’t even bother trying.
He’s actually afraid. He’s afraid she’ll see it in his eyes, that selfish sense of relief, and he’s afraid she’ll call him on it. If there was one thing Izzie was good at it was calling him on his bullshit.
So he’s glad Denny’s dead - he’s a fucking horrible person - but he’s also infuriated with the guy for dying. For leaving her and he can’t calm it so he can’t look her in the eyes because she’ll know. He’s glad and she fucked up and he’s not going to coddle her on that fact but it wasn’t her fault. He knows she won’t appreciate his ‘shit happens’ perspective so he’ll never offer platitudes.
So he tells Bailey to talk to the chief. He’s pissed off for a lot of reasons and eventually he fucks a patient nearing 50 because he can give the patient what she needs. He can help her, do whatever the fuck else he can because he just can. If Alex can do something he’s going to do it because helplessness does not agree with him.
He doesn’t go to see Izzie, opts for seeing her when she shows up around. He can’t because he feels helpless. He can tell her hurting makes her alive, reminds her of that. He can put his arm around her and make her go home because he can look at her and know, just know that’s what she needs.
But there’s a lot he doesn’t know, will never know.
Denny’s dead and fuck if suddenly that’s not the most important event in his life right now; he really hates it. All of it.
My lover hears the open wind
and crawls blinking into the sun
Muse: Alex Karev
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Word Count: 495
Song: "Passage" by Vienna Teng
Character: Alex Karev
Rating: PG -13 language
Pairing(s): Alex/Izzie
Fandom(s): Grey's Anatomy
Author's Note: N/a
in a hurricane of warmth and word
His eyes drift shut and he can’t take it anymore. Sitting outside the bathroom door getting looks from everyone as if they’re asking what right he has to be there. He can only roll his eyes and wish he was anywhere else but knowing he’s not going to leave unless he has to. It was one thing to go home and change but something else all together to just leave.
Alex doesn’t do sympathy. He prefers to rest soundly in his apathy, it’s safe when there is only apathy. Sympathy makes him sick to his stomach but he’s here anyway knowing she’s just lying on that floor in that dress that took his breath away and he knows, without looking, that she looks empty.
No one did this. He knew she would blame herself but shit happens. He fucking hates what she did and that she was stupid enough to risk everything for … but he gets it. He fucking gets it and that makes it worse. So he sits outside that bathroom door and waits until everyone is a united front, standing outside the door and pleading with her to just come out. He could try to swoop in like he had the night before but that was different and she wouldn’t listen to him now so he doesn’t even bother trying.
He’s actually afraid. He’s afraid she’ll see it in his eyes, that selfish sense of relief, and he’s afraid she’ll call him on it. If there was one thing Izzie was good at it was calling him on his bullshit.
So he’s glad Denny’s dead - he’s a fucking horrible person - but he’s also infuriated with the guy for dying. For leaving her and he can’t calm it so he can’t look her in the eyes because she’ll know. He’s glad and she fucked up and he’s not going to coddle her on that fact but it wasn’t her fault. He knows she won’t appreciate his ‘shit happens’ perspective so he’ll never offer platitudes.
So he tells Bailey to talk to the chief. He’s pissed off for a lot of reasons and eventually he fucks a patient nearing 50 because he can give the patient what she needs. He can help her, do whatever the fuck else he can because he just can. If Alex can do something he’s going to do it because helplessness does not agree with him.
He doesn’t go to see Izzie, opts for seeing her when she shows up around. He can’t because he feels helpless. He can tell her hurting makes her alive, reminds her of that. He can put his arm around her and make her go home because he can look at her and know, just know that’s what she needs.
But there’s a lot he doesn’t know, will never know.
Denny’s dead and fuck if suddenly that’s not the most important event in his life right now; he really hates it. All of it.
My lover hears the open wind
and crawls blinking into the sun
Muse: Alex Karev
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Word Count: 495