So This is It....
Well, as most of you probably have figured out by now, things haven't gone as hoped. Its been almost one week and I haven't been able to answer the phone, talk on MSN or even return emails. The fact I am actually writing this now is an accomplishment.
I waited for Feb 22nd 2006 for 8 years. I have slaved, sacrificed, moved and stressed all under the pretense that on that one day it would pay off. I knew I was being a bit of a cowboy by changing my mind towards the end in terms of my specialty and then going for 2 of the most competitive things (ENT and radiology) but I figured, if all else fails, I was 99.9% sure I would get the radiology spot here. And to my astonishment, the school decided to give those spots to people from out of province. I have tried to find out why this happened, but they are keeping things secret. The way it works in this profession is if you hide the truth from everyone, you cannot get caught. I'm not alone in this, a fellow classmate of mine who was also depending on that radiology spot was screwed over as well. He is in a worse situation than I even, he is 7yrs older and has a wife, 2kids, no job and a 100,000$ debt.
For me, its my ego. For once I've been destroyed. I don't think I've ever been hit this hard before. There's shock, denial, anger and humiliation all at once. I never fail...or so I thought.
I dont want to hear things like,"its alright dude" or "i'm osrry to hear that" the thing is, nobody knows what its like. Even those in medicine, who havent had this situation come up dont know what its like. I dont want to hear it so please don't post it. These next few months are going to be a huge mess. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do. I am about 99% sure I will not return to Halifax. For the first time since I've been here, I don't want to go back. Its too hard to go back with nothing, so I might head out to Calgary.
I don't know what to fucking do anymore....
I waited for Feb 22nd 2006 for 8 years. I have slaved, sacrificed, moved and stressed all under the pretense that on that one day it would pay off. I knew I was being a bit of a cowboy by changing my mind towards the end in terms of my specialty and then going for 2 of the most competitive things (ENT and radiology) but I figured, if all else fails, I was 99.9% sure I would get the radiology spot here. And to my astonishment, the school decided to give those spots to people from out of province. I have tried to find out why this happened, but they are keeping things secret. The way it works in this profession is if you hide the truth from everyone, you cannot get caught. I'm not alone in this, a fellow classmate of mine who was also depending on that radiology spot was screwed over as well. He is in a worse situation than I even, he is 7yrs older and has a wife, 2kids, no job and a 100,000$ debt.
For me, its my ego. For once I've been destroyed. I don't think I've ever been hit this hard before. There's shock, denial, anger and humiliation all at once. I never fail...or so I thought.
I dont want to hear things like,"its alright dude" or "i'm osrry to hear that" the thing is, nobody knows what its like. Even those in medicine, who havent had this situation come up dont know what its like. I dont want to hear it so please don't post it. These next few months are going to be a huge mess. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do. I am about 99% sure I will not return to Halifax. For the first time since I've been here, I don't want to go back. Its too hard to go back with nothing, so I might head out to Calgary.
I don't know what to fucking do anymore....