The infamous brooklyn to the LES post
Okay so all the way back at the start of June, me and Spaz rock went to New York city for four non luxurious nights of epicness staying at the glorious greenpoint YMCA in Williamsburg Brooklyn. As you might expect this weekend decended into debauchery and overindulgence. Read Norm's blog on my friendslist for cross referencing. And to go along with our binging and all night partying, it rained the ENTIRE FUCKING TIME. So we were smashed walking down LES streets at 4 am in the pouring rain like it ain't no THANG.
The first funny thing that happened in New York was that we finally made it into new york (with like 80 stops on the way. We stopped at some truck stop in jersey and they were selling handcuffs and hunters knifes as "trucker tools". Wtf? Maybe a knife but fucking handcuffs? what legitimate use could this have for someone coming to a truck stop convienience store? Who walks into a convienience store and stops by the rack and says "heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, i could use some handcuffs with my slurpee"... no on top of that, what kind of cashier gets handed handcuffs and a knife and is just like "that'll be 14.99 sir. That'll be bloodstained cash then?") and we were getting on the L, and i looked at my watch, and read the time. It was earlier than i thought it was so i was like, we're on to predrink before going out, splended. So i read out the time to norm. What i said was "9:11, good good". I realized what i just said and pause, and i look over at norm and he's all ridgid and holding back a smirk and he says "so its about quarter after then?" and i'm like "YUP, 45 minutes till 10".
Hilarity.
I was a little gun shy on the first night so there's not much:
I walk into Capones in williamsburg and ask to go to the bathroom. This is my first public NYC bathroom experience, and I walk in and the floor is totally flooded. Like not just wet, I could have scooped some off the floor into a pool in my hands, but why would someone do that?
The thing about capones is that they give you free pizza with every beer. A full pizza. How are they turning a profit on 5 dollar beers? I don't know what is up with their buisness model but if they're making any profit can every bar adopt this super quick? Anyway, we didn't have time for dude to make us a pizza but there was a slice left over on the group of chinese mafia types sitting next to us, and i start all broing up to the bartender saying like "dude, we've been talking for like 20 minutes, they're not going to eat it, just clear it then drop it off here on the sly". I don't know if he was hesitant because it was pathetic on our part or because he didn't want to get shot, but he eventually did it. It was delicious
Hey, whatever anyone tells you about how hipster and cool williamsburg is, don't believe them. Its boring. There's nothing to do unless you know a party going on.
So for the first time of the trip we went to The Lit. We walked upstairs and it was pretty tame. i was bummed. It was a bar with people sitting around. FUCK. Good music though. Then Norm grabs my arm and drags me to the basement where its like, the shit. You can smoke in the fucking basement. And the drinks are cheap. It was so epic. And here's my picture illustrating how awesome lit is:
Aren't I the best photographer ever?
Anyway, then it was late night cab ride back to brooklyn with some peeps we met. One of them was a gay, and kept grabbing my inner thigh and squeezing. It was way too socially akward to tell him to stop, i don't know why. Addressing it would make it worse. So i rolled over and pretended to be passed out and like gave him body language that this was not helping my sleep.
Friday we walked around brooklyn. We bought new gear because ours were all wet and smelly. Well mine was smelly because i'm so grimey i pack dirty clothes.
Norm in the "legendary" max fish. Legendary? I mean its a cool place to sit and have a drink with a friend but i mean, its just a drink. Sure there are some cool people there and all. Basically, call bullshit on whatever bars you hear about because they're all company dependant. If you have your shit all set and your friends are down to party, fine, max fish is going to be fun. But if you don't then its basically the tap. Its super dependant on who you might run into. Flirty girls would do well there.
Me looking gross at max fish. We walked in out of a torrential rainstorm. Booooring
Anyway, then we checked out the darkroom but it was empty, and ended up back at, you guessed it "The lit". 4 am last call and cheap cabs mean that you'll end up at old standards by the end of the night. It was some weird rave/crunk night though. But, thankfully we were in the proper state to enjoy that kind of music.
Fuck i wish I had a better camera.
But still is supes dark down there in the basement. Its like some kind of... dance...cave. If such a retarded thing were to exist. There are poles with go go dancers that yes, i made use of. I did some epic shit of those poles and the rail attached to them.
Too weird to go home. lets walk all the way back to brooklyn!
Deal as long as we can have really really queerly broey life affirming philosophical conversations
Look a barge in the mist!
Fuck it, the subways are starting up and we're soaked and freezing.
Norm was pretty dee-stroyed after this night, so he was like okay, i think i'm staying in tonight. Go out with those peeps we met. I was like riiiiiiiiiight
Okay, we'll go out but we'll stay in Brooklyn.
Right Norm, totally whatever you say.
Capones pizza for the price of two beers. This girl beside us was hitting on some girl then tried hitting on me. Didn't work but she folded the bottom of my jeans in a way that i have yet to replicate. It looked great. Then we went to royal oak which is where apparently the hipster kids like to dance. Its fucked up listening to Notorious or Jay z and have them big up brooklyn and everyone goes wild and then you're like "oh fuck, right, we're actually IN brooklyn"
Then they played 50 cent to which we say we can stands so much but we can't stands no more. So, cab (getting a cab in brooklyn is impossibs) over the williamsburg bridge to manhatten to 2nd and 5th. You should know where by now. Actually downstairs was all old soul which should have been fun, but the crowd was wack. Little did we know Patrick O'Dell (of the blog i totally bite when i do posts like this) was DJing upstairs. Ah well, we'll know for next time.
Sunday was check out time. Perfect plan: bum around manhattan all day, drink on the way to the bar, then make the semi mecca trip to sway for smiths/morrissey night and just sit around the bus station till our bus leaves.
I went to times square, central park, grand central station, all touristy stuff but who wants to see a picture of someone in grand central station? just google images grand central station and you can see it all you want. The one touristy picture i did want to take was of me looking like a crusty in Thompkins park. Mission accomplished.
There was a really cool band playing. I forget their name. It was really nice to sit in the park.
This guy and the guy with his shirt off in the last picture were strutting and spazzing around to the music
Then to this big finale. You can't really see it in this picture but the guys ass was out of his pants
This guy was a total fucking clown.
Then it was off to sway. Amy Kellner was at the door and I couldn't resist saying "thanks amy", and asked "how do you know me?" and i told her "you're a quasi celebrity, don't you know?" to which the guy beside her said "sooooomeooooooone reads your blooooooooooooog". It was embarassing.
As soon as we walk in Norm is off talking to some girl. His cast was like cat nip. By the end of the trip he had like 8 million signatures on it. It got to be annoying by the end of the trip.
Ever been to lee's and thought "man this is a little uncomfortably crowded"? Well multiply that by a million and reduce the space by 80% and that was sway. But me and Norm were so dedicated to Rocking that it didn't matter.
We were so absolutely drunk and beligerant. They played some cover of Leonard Cohen's "so long marianne" it was awesome. In addition to every smiths song i ever loved.
Some random people who saw me and norm partying 99.99999% harder than everyone in the bar and wanted to join in.
This was some dude who was broing with us and i was like yes a cool dude to hang with. Then he tries to dance with me and starts rubbing my chest. I felt like a girl with these gay guys. Some guy would come up to me and i would be like, "friend?" And then he'd start rubbing my chest. EVERY NIGHT. Why can't they like us for US, and have it not be about sex?!
They even played Jeane by the smiths!! it was so awesome. At one point I knocked a table top off and then started dancing with the frame above my head. If it sounds like we were annoying, we were slightly annoying, but mostly charming.
This charming man.
at the end of the night i notice the booth i'm pictured in there, where i had placed my cigarettes and jacket, is full of people but that doesn't stop me in going to get my jacket, but a big bouncer does. Apparently Chloe Sevegny was Djing, and cannot be bothered by plebs such as myself even if they are only going to retrieve their almost full pack of cigarettes.
Luckily they were kind enough to relocate my jacket instead of annexing it as part of their booth domain.
So next time I go back, my mission is for Chloe to buy me a pack of cigaretts.
The first funny thing that happened in New York was that we finally made it into new york (with like 80 stops on the way. We stopped at some truck stop in jersey and they were selling handcuffs and hunters knifes as "trucker tools". Wtf? Maybe a knife but fucking handcuffs? what legitimate use could this have for someone coming to a truck stop convienience store? Who walks into a convienience store and stops by the rack and says "heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, i could use some handcuffs with my slurpee"... no on top of that, what kind of cashier gets handed handcuffs and a knife and is just like "that'll be 14.99 sir. That'll be bloodstained cash then?") and we were getting on the L, and i looked at my watch, and read the time. It was earlier than i thought it was so i was like, we're on to predrink before going out, splended. So i read out the time to norm. What i said was "9:11, good good". I realized what i just said and pause, and i look over at norm and he's all ridgid and holding back a smirk and he says "so its about quarter after then?" and i'm like "YUP, 45 minutes till 10".
Hilarity.
I was a little gun shy on the first night so there's not much:
I walk into Capones in williamsburg and ask to go to the bathroom. This is my first public NYC bathroom experience, and I walk in and the floor is totally flooded. Like not just wet, I could have scooped some off the floor into a pool in my hands, but why would someone do that?
The thing about capones is that they give you free pizza with every beer. A full pizza. How are they turning a profit on 5 dollar beers? I don't know what is up with their buisness model but if they're making any profit can every bar adopt this super quick? Anyway, we didn't have time for dude to make us a pizza but there was a slice left over on the group of chinese mafia types sitting next to us, and i start all broing up to the bartender saying like "dude, we've been talking for like 20 minutes, they're not going to eat it, just clear it then drop it off here on the sly". I don't know if he was hesitant because it was pathetic on our part or because he didn't want to get shot, but he eventually did it. It was delicious
Hey, whatever anyone tells you about how hipster and cool williamsburg is, don't believe them. Its boring. There's nothing to do unless you know a party going on.
So for the first time of the trip we went to The Lit. We walked upstairs and it was pretty tame. i was bummed. It was a bar with people sitting around. FUCK. Good music though. Then Norm grabs my arm and drags me to the basement where its like, the shit. You can smoke in the fucking basement. And the drinks are cheap. It was so epic. And here's my picture illustrating how awesome lit is:
Aren't I the best photographer ever?
Anyway, then it was late night cab ride back to brooklyn with some peeps we met. One of them was a gay, and kept grabbing my inner thigh and squeezing. It was way too socially akward to tell him to stop, i don't know why. Addressing it would make it worse. So i rolled over and pretended to be passed out and like gave him body language that this was not helping my sleep.
Friday we walked around brooklyn. We bought new gear because ours were all wet and smelly. Well mine was smelly because i'm so grimey i pack dirty clothes.
Norm in the "legendary" max fish. Legendary? I mean its a cool place to sit and have a drink with a friend but i mean, its just a drink. Sure there are some cool people there and all. Basically, call bullshit on whatever bars you hear about because they're all company dependant. If you have your shit all set and your friends are down to party, fine, max fish is going to be fun. But if you don't then its basically the tap. Its super dependant on who you might run into. Flirty girls would do well there.
Me looking gross at max fish. We walked in out of a torrential rainstorm. Booooring
Anyway, then we checked out the darkroom but it was empty, and ended up back at, you guessed it "The lit". 4 am last call and cheap cabs mean that you'll end up at old standards by the end of the night. It was some weird rave/crunk night though. But, thankfully we were in the proper state to enjoy that kind of music.
Fuck i wish I had a better camera.
But still is supes dark down there in the basement. Its like some kind of... dance...cave. If such a retarded thing were to exist. There are poles with go go dancers that yes, i made use of. I did some epic shit of those poles and the rail attached to them.
Too weird to go home. lets walk all the way back to brooklyn!
Deal as long as we can have really really queerly broey life affirming philosophical conversations
Look a barge in the mist!
Fuck it, the subways are starting up and we're soaked and freezing.
Norm was pretty dee-stroyed after this night, so he was like okay, i think i'm staying in tonight. Go out with those peeps we met. I was like riiiiiiiiiight
Okay, we'll go out but we'll stay in Brooklyn.
Right Norm, totally whatever you say.
Capones pizza for the price of two beers. This girl beside us was hitting on some girl then tried hitting on me. Didn't work but she folded the bottom of my jeans in a way that i have yet to replicate. It looked great. Then we went to royal oak which is where apparently the hipster kids like to dance. Its fucked up listening to Notorious or Jay z and have them big up brooklyn and everyone goes wild and then you're like "oh fuck, right, we're actually IN brooklyn"
Then they played 50 cent to which we say we can stands so much but we can't stands no more. So, cab (getting a cab in brooklyn is impossibs) over the williamsburg bridge to manhatten to 2nd and 5th. You should know where by now. Actually downstairs was all old soul which should have been fun, but the crowd was wack. Little did we know Patrick O'Dell (of the blog i totally bite when i do posts like this) was DJing upstairs. Ah well, we'll know for next time.
Sunday was check out time. Perfect plan: bum around manhattan all day, drink on the way to the bar, then make the semi mecca trip to sway for smiths/morrissey night and just sit around the bus station till our bus leaves.
I went to times square, central park, grand central station, all touristy stuff but who wants to see a picture of someone in grand central station? just google images grand central station and you can see it all you want. The one touristy picture i did want to take was of me looking like a crusty in Thompkins park. Mission accomplished.
There was a really cool band playing. I forget their name. It was really nice to sit in the park.
This guy and the guy with his shirt off in the last picture were strutting and spazzing around to the music
Then to this big finale. You can't really see it in this picture but the guys ass was out of his pants
This guy was a total fucking clown.
Then it was off to sway. Amy Kellner was at the door and I couldn't resist saying "thanks amy", and asked "how do you know me?" and i told her "you're a quasi celebrity, don't you know?" to which the guy beside her said "sooooomeooooooone reads your blooooooooooooog". It was embarassing.
As soon as we walk in Norm is off talking to some girl. His cast was like cat nip. By the end of the trip he had like 8 million signatures on it. It got to be annoying by the end of the trip.
Ever been to lee's and thought "man this is a little uncomfortably crowded"? Well multiply that by a million and reduce the space by 80% and that was sway. But me and Norm were so dedicated to Rocking that it didn't matter.
We were so absolutely drunk and beligerant. They played some cover of Leonard Cohen's "so long marianne" it was awesome. In addition to every smiths song i ever loved.
Some random people who saw me and norm partying 99.99999% harder than everyone in the bar and wanted to join in.
This was some dude who was broing with us and i was like yes a cool dude to hang with. Then he tries to dance with me and starts rubbing my chest. I felt like a girl with these gay guys. Some guy would come up to me and i would be like, "friend?" And then he'd start rubbing my chest. EVERY NIGHT. Why can't they like us for US, and have it not be about sex?!
They even played Jeane by the smiths!! it was so awesome. At one point I knocked a table top off and then started dancing with the frame above my head. If it sounds like we were annoying, we were slightly annoying, but mostly charming.
This charming man.
at the end of the night i notice the booth i'm pictured in there, where i had placed my cigarettes and jacket, is full of people but that doesn't stop me in going to get my jacket, but a big bouncer does. Apparently Chloe Sevegny was Djing, and cannot be bothered by plebs such as myself even if they are only going to retrieve their almost full pack of cigarettes.
Luckily they were kind enough to relocate my jacket instead of annexing it as part of their booth domain.
So next time I go back, my mission is for Chloe to buy me a pack of cigaretts.