Is that my ass?
I happy with life, but I am dragging ass this morning.
Seriously, as I walked downstairs this morning, I'm quite sure my ass stretched out behind me like a cathedral-length wedding gown train. I think I saw a couple of (too) small pieces falling off my ass on the way down. Great, more to clean today.
Tim, DD, her brother & I packed up all her stuff and put it in a U-Haul. It was hot, and she (like me) has a MILLION BOOKS. I'm all about helping DD get her LOADS of personal property out of the house she used to share with He Who Shall Remain Nameless. (We all look forward to the divorce). I'm also all about the mounds of salad and super-thin-crust pizza we snarfed down after hours of hard labor. But what can I say about the muscle relaxer I took before bed at 12:30 am.? Heavenly.
No spasming shoulder.
No jaw pain.
And no fuzzy-brained-near-comatose feeling.
Get this: Even after I ate five bowls of salad & a third of a pizza, I still went down a half pound from yesterday, and finally broke through a milestone number, if only by 8 oz. Whatever...I'll take it. That brought my weight loss to 6 WHOLE pounds in total. Not only was I not in pain, I was a half-pound lighter. Sweeet jeeeeeezus.
Now get this crazy shit: In a moment I can only describe as obsessive-compulsive insanity, I decided to see that cool number again...after I got out of the shower....
and I GAINED an ENTIRE POUND.
that was the 1/2 I'd lost walking from my bed to the scale PLUS the 1/2 I'd lost earlier in the week.
How much water was IN my hair?? It's shoulder length now, so it can't be THAT much. Besides (and my apolgies for the TMI) I had my skivvies on when I weighed the first time -- and not the second time. I should have LOST weight by taking off the grannies.
So....
I have come to the only sensible conclusion...
MY SHOWER is making me FAT.
I'm *so* taking baths from now on.
Thank goddess I got THAT figured out before it was too late.
My only hope is that the ass I've been dragging has shaved off a few ounces.
Side note: The School Nurse (how cute is she??? with her youthful glow, perfect curls and trendy glasses) reaffirmed that the vaccines were no problem, and that I'll just need my waiver on file. I swear she even gave me that knowing nod, like she's of the same boat. Suhhhweeeet.
Another side note: We're going to go buy school supplies today. I have to temper myself, and stick to the list. I love office/school supplies soooo much.
Final side note: Before I forget HWSRN (or A-hole, as i like to call him) called the police on DD for theft of property. Didn't fly, of course, since everything was HERS and in the Order of Protection paperwork. I would have LOVED to have seen the look on his nasty, doughy face when he got home from work at 4 am to find stuff gone. At 5 am, she talked to the officer, who happened to relay to A-hole that if the TIVO was indeed a Mother's Day gift, she's entitled to it.
*cackle*
A tiny part of me wanted to get vindictive: I wanted to take his completely unused 12-step book, and his conspicuously located Book of Morman (and maybe the calendar marked "LDS" every other day?) and his stack of nasty porn and arrange them artisically on the floor where the desk he thought he was going to keep used to be--perhaps, I thought, I could use office supplies like pens and paperclips to create symbols in my collage of his f-ed-up-ness. I wanted to write "Remember me?" in the dust on the 12-step book, and frame out my collage with the giant balls of cat hair (no shit--like baseball size--I wish I were kidding) that were found everywhere (DD took the cats when she left three months ago).
That would have been cool.
HUGS,
aj
Seriously, as I walked downstairs this morning, I'm quite sure my ass stretched out behind me like a cathedral-length wedding gown train. I think I saw a couple of (too) small pieces falling off my ass on the way down. Great, more to clean today.
Tim, DD, her brother & I packed up all her stuff and put it in a U-Haul. It was hot, and she (like me) has a MILLION BOOKS. I'm all about helping DD get her LOADS of personal property out of the house she used to share with He Who Shall Remain Nameless. (We all look forward to the divorce). I'm also all about the mounds of salad and super-thin-crust pizza we snarfed down after hours of hard labor. But what can I say about the muscle relaxer I took before bed at 12:30 am.? Heavenly.
No spasming shoulder.
No jaw pain.
And no fuzzy-brained-near-comatose feeling.
Get this: Even after I ate five bowls of salad & a third of a pizza, I still went down a half pound from yesterday, and finally broke through a milestone number, if only by 8 oz. Whatever...I'll take it. That brought my weight loss to 6 WHOLE pounds in total. Not only was I not in pain, I was a half-pound lighter. Sweeet jeeeeeezus.
Now get this crazy shit: In a moment I can only describe as obsessive-compulsive insanity, I decided to see that cool number again...after I got out of the shower....
and I GAINED an ENTIRE POUND.
that was the 1/2 I'd lost walking from my bed to the scale PLUS the 1/2 I'd lost earlier in the week.
How much water was IN my hair?? It's shoulder length now, so it can't be THAT much. Besides (and my apolgies for the TMI) I had my skivvies on when I weighed the first time -- and not the second time. I should have LOST weight by taking off the grannies.
So....
I have come to the only sensible conclusion...
MY SHOWER is making me FAT.
I'm *so* taking baths from now on.
Thank goddess I got THAT figured out before it was too late.
My only hope is that the ass I've been dragging has shaved off a few ounces.
Side note: The School Nurse (how cute is she??? with her youthful glow, perfect curls and trendy glasses) reaffirmed that the vaccines were no problem, and that I'll just need my waiver on file. I swear she even gave me that knowing nod, like she's of the same boat. Suhhhweeeet.
Another side note: We're going to go buy school supplies today. I have to temper myself, and stick to the list. I love office/school supplies soooo much.
Final side note: Before I forget HWSRN (or A-hole, as i like to call him) called the police on DD for theft of property. Didn't fly, of course, since everything was HERS and in the Order of Protection paperwork. I would have LOVED to have seen the look on his nasty, doughy face when he got home from work at 4 am to find stuff gone. At 5 am, she talked to the officer, who happened to relay to A-hole that if the TIVO was indeed a Mother's Day gift, she's entitled to it.
*cackle*
A tiny part of me wanted to get vindictive: I wanted to take his completely unused 12-step book, and his conspicuously located Book of Morman (and maybe the calendar marked "LDS" every other day?) and his stack of nasty porn and arrange them artisically on the floor where the desk he thought he was going to keep used to be--perhaps, I thought, I could use office supplies like pens and paperclips to create symbols in my collage of his f-ed-up-ness. I wanted to write "Remember me?" in the dust on the 12-step book, and frame out my collage with the giant balls of cat hair (no shit--like baseball size--I wish I were kidding) that were found everywhere (DD took the cats when she left three months ago).
That would have been cool.
HUGS,
aj