(no subject)
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone...i love you all and thanks for being such wonderful friends i appreciate you all...
although i must write an entry... you prolly won't care to read it but i have to write it to express my emotions i suppose...
Today was the 1st time in my whole 18 years of life not having thanksgiving at my grandma's house... i feel like the family is falling apart...ever since she passed away nothing is the same...even when we try to make it the same...its like something is always missing... you can't make up for not having her at family functions and it sucks...its weird how when you love someone...no matter how bad you try you can't get them off ur mind...and its not like u think (oh i miss them) its like u almost want to cry becuz u can't believe ur going on without them...like seriously its winter...and i remember my grandma used to hate being cold...and when i think of her during the winter.. it kills me inside...my mom was telling me one day dez "do you ever wish you could bring her back and just ask her one more question and tell her one more time that you loved her"...it hurts me to know that my grandma is gone and it hurts me even more to know that my mom is totally devistated...i mean i can't even talk to my mom about the subject becuz lets face it she's more depressed about my grandma being gone than i am...which is pretty extreme.... but then i think about what my grandma would want me to do and what she would say if she were here...she wouldn't want me to be sad...but how can you not feel guilty...sitting here in a warm house with a fire going...and not knowing where ur grandma really is...if anyone deserved to go to heaven it was her...i mean i guess i believe in heaven...and im pretty sure i believe in god...but its like...if god knew how much i truely miss my grandma why would he just let me see her one more time...i mean thats my lifes goal...to see her one more time... becuz i need to say some things to her that maybe i should have said a little more often...for example i love you...
so this thanksgiving im trying to let everyone know how much they should appreciate their loved ones...becuz sooner or later believe it or not...they won't be there forever...and yeah you never think about it til it finally happens and you can't ever see that one person again...and then you spend everyday hoping and praying for a heaven becuz without one what is there to look forward too...
depressing entry i know but owell get over it...:(
love you friends and i mean it with all my heart...<3
although i must write an entry... you prolly won't care to read it but i have to write it to express my emotions i suppose...
Today was the 1st time in my whole 18 years of life not having thanksgiving at my grandma's house... i feel like the family is falling apart...ever since she passed away nothing is the same...even when we try to make it the same...its like something is always missing... you can't make up for not having her at family functions and it sucks...its weird how when you love someone...no matter how bad you try you can't get them off ur mind...and its not like u think (oh i miss them) its like u almost want to cry becuz u can't believe ur going on without them...like seriously its winter...and i remember my grandma used to hate being cold...and when i think of her during the winter.. it kills me inside...my mom was telling me one day dez "do you ever wish you could bring her back and just ask her one more question and tell her one more time that you loved her"...it hurts me to know that my grandma is gone and it hurts me even more to know that my mom is totally devistated...i mean i can't even talk to my mom about the subject becuz lets face it she's more depressed about my grandma being gone than i am...which is pretty extreme.... but then i think about what my grandma would want me to do and what she would say if she were here...she wouldn't want me to be sad...but how can you not feel guilty...sitting here in a warm house with a fire going...and not knowing where ur grandma really is...if anyone deserved to go to heaven it was her...i mean i guess i believe in heaven...and im pretty sure i believe in god...but its like...if god knew how much i truely miss my grandma why would he just let me see her one more time...i mean thats my lifes goal...to see her one more time... becuz i need to say some things to her that maybe i should have said a little more often...for example i love you...
so this thanksgiving im trying to let everyone know how much they should appreciate their loved ones...becuz sooner or later believe it or not...they won't be there forever...and yeah you never think about it til it finally happens and you can't ever see that one person again...and then you spend everyday hoping and praying for a heaven becuz without one what is there to look forward too...
depressing entry i know but owell get over it...:(
love you friends and i mean it with all my heart...<3