It's that time again
I haven't been sleeping well lately, resulting in some terrible lethargy by the end of the day.
My typical weekday goes like this. We wake up. She goes to get the toddler from his room so he can come in and "wake up" Dada. We used to do this together, or take turns being the one who stays and is in need of a tiny cuddle to be roused from feigned sleep, but the kiddo is much more opinionated now and prefers this one set routine. She then takes him for his morning diaper change and clothes while I go down and start preparing breakfast and my coffee. We eat together, and then she either drives to the office or heads upstairs to her remote workstation while I watch the child. Regular bathroom visits and diaper changes, morning cup of milk with his vitamins, books and toys. I make us all lunch, sometimes putting on cartoons to distract him if he's moody or wanting to sneak off to see Mama. Then we transition to his afternoon nap, during which I hold him for around two hours. In that time I read or play games that only require a mouse hand, or in some cases, I doze a bit myself. Bathroom again when he's awake, followed by his afternoon milk and more books and toys until Mama returns from work. She often then takes him out to the park if I haven't already done so, or we do some shopping, or she takes over reading to him because he wants Mama time.
But lately I've come down with considerable fatigue by the time she returns, yesterday to the point of feeling legitimately unwell. I'll often nap at that point, missing out on Mama time. And I've been trying to go to bed earlier, but my brain just won't shut off and I lie there fixating on unpleasant things for hours. This is, of course, less than ideal.
This time of year, I have several unpleasant things to fixate upon. And I can't imagine it's been helped by my side project. I don't know how much I've mentioned it here, but I've been writing a visual novel for several years and drawing on memories of college to keep things in order in my mind (It's a college setting). This carries two difficulties, the first being that I had a tumultuous period for about a year in college while I was under the thumb of my narcissistic abuser, and it's not easy separating that from the memories of the place. The second is that I'm including an avenue in the game where the focus character ends up unintentionally isolating himself from everyone around him and entering a state of depression, a headspace I know fairly well, but tapping into that may not be doing me a whole lot of good.
Fortunately, I have a loving wife and super-cuddly toddler to help keep me grounded.
But man, do I ever need better sleep.
My typical weekday goes like this. We wake up. She goes to get the toddler from his room so he can come in and "wake up" Dada. We used to do this together, or take turns being the one who stays and is in need of a tiny cuddle to be roused from feigned sleep, but the kiddo is much more opinionated now and prefers this one set routine. She then takes him for his morning diaper change and clothes while I go down and start preparing breakfast and my coffee. We eat together, and then she either drives to the office or heads upstairs to her remote workstation while I watch the child. Regular bathroom visits and diaper changes, morning cup of milk with his vitamins, books and toys. I make us all lunch, sometimes putting on cartoons to distract him if he's moody or wanting to sneak off to see Mama. Then we transition to his afternoon nap, during which I hold him for around two hours. In that time I read or play games that only require a mouse hand, or in some cases, I doze a bit myself. Bathroom again when he's awake, followed by his afternoon milk and more books and toys until Mama returns from work. She often then takes him out to the park if I haven't already done so, or we do some shopping, or she takes over reading to him because he wants Mama time.
But lately I've come down with considerable fatigue by the time she returns, yesterday to the point of feeling legitimately unwell. I'll often nap at that point, missing out on Mama time. And I've been trying to go to bed earlier, but my brain just won't shut off and I lie there fixating on unpleasant things for hours. This is, of course, less than ideal.
This time of year, I have several unpleasant things to fixate upon. And I can't imagine it's been helped by my side project. I don't know how much I've mentioned it here, but I've been writing a visual novel for several years and drawing on memories of college to keep things in order in my mind (It's a college setting). This carries two difficulties, the first being that I had a tumultuous period for about a year in college while I was under the thumb of my narcissistic abuser, and it's not easy separating that from the memories of the place. The second is that I'm including an avenue in the game where the focus character ends up unintentionally isolating himself from everyone around him and entering a state of depression, a headspace I know fairly well, but tapping into that may not be doing me a whole lot of good.
Fortunately, I have a loving wife and super-cuddly toddler to help keep me grounded.
But man, do I ever need better sleep.