The Four Who Know Him -- DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SPOILER FREE
BASED ON UNCONFIRMED RUMORS AND SOME SPOILERS...DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SPOILER FREE..
YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.
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SPOILERS, RUMORS, SPECULATION...SPOILERS, RUMORS, SPECULATION...
Note: I don't know where this came from because I'm still fairly optimistic about the ending of the show, but this just sort of started spilling out of me last night. I'm a sucker for sad stories, so I wouldn't fully hate a sad ending if that's what we get. Anyway...here ya go...comments welcome and appreciated. Thanks for looking.
The Four Who Know Him
Luke stood in the bathroom at Memorial Hospital, staring at himself in the mirror. His eyes were rimmed with red. He noticed new lines in his face, around his eyes, his mouth. They weren't there a week ago. He rubbed at the dark circles under his eyes before running his hands through his messy blonde hair. He looked ten years older than he was.
"You can do this," he told himself, staring into his own sunken brown eyes. "You have to do this."
He placed his hands on either side of the sink to hold himself up as his head swam with dizziness and bile rose in his throat. He closed his eyes, and images of Reid flooded his consciousness. His smile. His hands. His voice. His smell.
Luke steadied himself and forced himself to walk out of the bathroom and into the hospital lobby.
Holden stood up from a waiting room chair and walked toward Luke, putting an arm around Luke's shoulders. "I'm coming with you," Holden said softly.
"No, Dad," Luke slurred, shrugging his father's arm off his shoulder. He looked across the hallway at Bob. "I'm sorry, but I don't want you there."
Holden looked down at the floor. "Is Bob going in with you?"
"Yes, and Katie's already in there."
"Luke, you don't have to do this."
"Yes, I do. I have to face him. It's either this or I run into him on some random Wednesday at Al's or something weeks from now, and I fall to fucking pieces."
Bob walked over to where they were standing. "Are you ready?"
"Yes. How is he feeling today? Is he up to this?"
"Yes, he is strong. He wants to see you. Luke..."
Luke was startled to hear Bob's voice crack and looked up to see tears forming in the old man's blue eyes . "Bob, don't, please...I can't...right now, I can't...I'm barely standing here......I just can't....please, Bob....I'm sorry..."
Bob blinked back his tears and nodded. He took a deep breath and gestured for Luke to walk ahead of him. Luke took a quick glance back as he walked away and for some reason he didn't understand, he forced a smile in his father's direction.
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As Luke enters Chris' hospital room ahead of Bob, Katie stands up from the chair next to Chris' bed. She immediately moves toward Luke, but Luke puts his hands up in front of him and shakes his head "no." Katie stops in her tracks and a soft cry escapes her thoat.
Bob is in the room now, and Luke backs up against the closed door, looking at his feet and breathing raggedly.
"Luke?" Katie says.
Bob is now at Chris' bedside, opposite Katie, and reassures her, "It's okay, Katie. Give him a minute." Katie nods and covers her teary eyes.
From across the room, Luke finally lifts his eyes and looks at Chris, who is sitting up in bed. His is bare chested, and a thin dressing is taped over his wound. His cheeks are ruddy, and he looks good for a man who had his chest cracked open and his insides replaced just four days earlier. His eyes, however, look lifeless, and when his eyes meet Luke's, he has to look away.
A choked sob rises up from Chris' chest, and Bob immediately hands him a pillow. "Hug this to your chest. Crying will strain the hardware in your breastbone. Easy, Chris," and Bob lovingly reaches out and caresses his son's head.
"S'okay, dad. I'm okay," Chris murmurs and hugs the pillow tightly to himself. He forces himself to meet Luke's eyes again.
Luke walks toward the bed and ends up by Katie's side, who still has her hands over her eyes. He puts an arm around her shoulders and kisses the side of her head. She turns toward him, and his other arm goes instinctively around her. "Luke....I'm sorry, Luke...I'm sorry..I loved him so much, .Luke...Luke.........Luke." is all she says over and over.
Luke can't imagine how she's feeling. He knows she's grieving, and he knows that she must be battling terribly conflicted emotions.
"I know, Katie...I know...," and he looks at the three people in the room that , with himself included, are probably the only people in Oakdale who love the original owner of the heart that is now beating inside of Chris' chest.
"How are you feeling,Chris?" Luke asks, as he continues to hold his crying Aunt.
Chris tries to answer but can only nod weakly. Tears sting his eyes as they fall freely down his cheeks.
Bob walks over and gently pulls Katie out of Luke's embrace, and Luke immediately steps closer to Chris. His gaze slips down from Chris' eyes and lands on his chest, which is causing the pillow to rise and fall.
"Chris, I need you to stop crying," Luke says flatly, as he pulls the pillow out of Chris' embrace. "I need you to stop crying so that you don't hurt yourself."
Chris nods, takes a few deep breaths, and then steadies himself and his emotions.
"Good, "Luke says, and puts his hand over Chris' hand, never taking his eyes off of Chris' chest. "Good."
For what seems like an eternity, Luke stands at the bedside and watches Chris' chest rise and fall...rise and fall. Katie has stopped crying, and she is watching Luke intently.
"Luke, look at me," Chris' voice startles Luke, even though it is barely a whisper. He tears his eyes from the rhythm of Chris' breathing and looks directly into his eyes. "You can touch me. It's okay; you won't hurt me. I don't mind. Do you want to touch me?"
Luke nods his head, "yes," though he's not entirely sure. For some reason, he feels the need to reassure Chris.
"Chris...it's not your fault; you know that, right?"
"Rationally, yes, but..." answers Chris, and he feels tears forming in his eyes again.
"No, buts."
Chris nods and pulls his hand out from underneath Luke's. He then picks up Luke's hand, turns it over, and gently places it on his chest.
Luke inhales sharply and drops his chin to his own breast. His free hand covers his eyes. He feels Katie's hand on his shoulder. The room is suddenly very still, very quiet, and Luke struggles to feel the beating of the heart inside Chris' body.
"Luke, breathe!" Bob says a little too loudly moments later, and it is only then that Luke realizes he's been holding his breath.
He lets his breath out and pants through his nose. "I can't feel it." The tears are there now, and they are staining his dark blue shirt. "I can't feel him."
"God..." Chris cries as he struggles not to lose control, "Luke, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."
Katie shakes off her own emotions and bends down and kisses Chris' cheek, "Shhhhh...be strong, Chris. You have to be strong. Come on, now...shhhhhhhh."
Chris once again pushes down his emotions and nods resolutely at Katie.
Katie takes Luke's hand and pushes him down to sit on the mattress next to Chris. Tears are falling silently from Luke's eyes. There are no sobs; they just fall effortlessly down his cheeks, over his lips, off his chin. "Go ahead, Luke."
Luke looks to Chris, but Chris is turned toward Bob, and Bob has his forehead pressed to the top of Chris' head.
Katie gently massages Luke's shoulder. "It's okay, Luke. Chris and I have talked about this. Whatever you need. It's okay."
Luke nods and leans forward tentatively. Chris doesn't move.
Luke barely lays his head on Chris' chest and holds his breath again. Chris' left hand comes up and gently pulls Luke towards him so that Luke's ear is firmly upon the dressing over his wound. Luke closes his eyes and from what seems like very far away, he hears the gentle rhythmic thudding of Reid's heart. He closes his eyes tighter and allows himself to breathe as he remembers the time a few weeks before when he had been with Reid in an empty exam room during a late night shift. Luke had had Reid's stethoscope pressed to Reid's chest through a small opening between his shirt buttons. Reid had been sucking gently on Luke's neck, and they had been laughing, as Reid joked that Luke was the most skilled nurse on the floor. It had been quiet and easy and loving and decidedly sexy. It seemed like a lifetime ago.
Luke sits up slowly, and Chris turns his head toward him. Luke smiles through his tears, amazed that hasn't collapsed. He kisses his own open palm, and then he presses his hand back against Chris' chest.
"This is a good heart," Luke says softly. "A really good heart. Nobody knew him, but I saw him. I understood him. He was a good man, Chris."
Chris puts his hand over Luke's. "I know he was. He showed his true colors to me the past few weeks. He talked about you, Luke. He loved you. I hope you know that."
"There's no way Reid told you he loved me," Luke laughs weakly, "He could barely say it to me with a straight face. He isn't...God, *wasn't*... the most sentimental person."
"I don't know about that," Chris says, "There was one day when he was trying to convince me to tell Katie about my illness, and he started talking about her losing Brad and how hard it would be for her to lose someone else. Fuck. Ironic" Luke gulps hard as Chris, his voice weak and strained with emotion, continues.
"And he was stressed out and pissed off at me, understandably, and he told me that his helping me was messing up his love life because you thought he was cheating on you when he was spending time helping me. He said something like how absurd it was that you thought he'd even look at somebody else when he was crazy in love with you, and then he said something about what he --I guess meaning you, Luke --thought it meant when he gave up running the neuro wing because he thought that's what you wanted...I didn't even know about that..., and then he kind of babbled about shit for awhile, asking rhetorical questions to nobody in particular, and saying things about twisty hair and pouty lips--I can only assume he was talking about you. It's like he forgot I was there... It kind of weirded me out because, ya know, Reid wasn't a talker, but for some reason that particular afternoon he let his guard down and wouldn't shut up."
"A rare pleasure," Luke smiles genuinely.
"Yeah," Chris replies, "But then he snapped out of it, thankfully, and turned back into an asshat."
Bob laughs gently at Chris' side, and Katie screeches, "Chris!"
Luke actually laughs out loud. "It's okay, Katie. Reid took pride in his asshattery. C'mon, you lived with him. You know that."
"He liked putting people on edge," Bob agrees and shakes his head, feeling a powerful fondness wash over him, as his weathered blue eyes fill up with tears once again.
Luke sighs and takes a deep breath, relieved that his tears have stopped.
Katie leans down and puts her chin on his shoulder. "I will never forget him Luke. He's so special to Jacob and me. He helped me so much, just by being around when he moved in shortly after Brad died. I love him fiercely and will never, ever stop missing him. Chris and I are here for you, Luke. We will help you through this. I can honestly say that it will get easier."
Luke nods, but can't find any words.
"Anytime you want to feel up my boyfriend's chest, you have my permission, okay?"
Luke smiles as Katie puts her hand over Chris' hand, which is still over Luke's hand, which is over Reid's heart. Bob steps forward and places his hand on top of Katie's.
And the four of them stand there, connected by the memory of one Dr. Reid Oliver, knowing that everything will somehow be okay.
YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.
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SPOILERS, RUMORS, SPECULATION...SPOILERS, RUMORS, SPECULATION...
Note: I don't know where this came from because I'm still fairly optimistic about the ending of the show, but this just sort of started spilling out of me last night. I'm a sucker for sad stories, so I wouldn't fully hate a sad ending if that's what we get. Anyway...here ya go...comments welcome and appreciated. Thanks for looking.
The Four Who Know Him
Luke stood in the bathroom at Memorial Hospital, staring at himself in the mirror. His eyes were rimmed with red. He noticed new lines in his face, around his eyes, his mouth. They weren't there a week ago. He rubbed at the dark circles under his eyes before running his hands through his messy blonde hair. He looked ten years older than he was.
"You can do this," he told himself, staring into his own sunken brown eyes. "You have to do this."
He placed his hands on either side of the sink to hold himself up as his head swam with dizziness and bile rose in his throat. He closed his eyes, and images of Reid flooded his consciousness. His smile. His hands. His voice. His smell.
Luke steadied himself and forced himself to walk out of the bathroom and into the hospital lobby.
Holden stood up from a waiting room chair and walked toward Luke, putting an arm around Luke's shoulders. "I'm coming with you," Holden said softly.
"No, Dad," Luke slurred, shrugging his father's arm off his shoulder. He looked across the hallway at Bob. "I'm sorry, but I don't want you there."
Holden looked down at the floor. "Is Bob going in with you?"
"Yes, and Katie's already in there."
"Luke, you don't have to do this."
"Yes, I do. I have to face him. It's either this or I run into him on some random Wednesday at Al's or something weeks from now, and I fall to fucking pieces."
Bob walked over to where they were standing. "Are you ready?"
"Yes. How is he feeling today? Is he up to this?"
"Yes, he is strong. He wants to see you. Luke..."
Luke was startled to hear Bob's voice crack and looked up to see tears forming in the old man's blue eyes . "Bob, don't, please...I can't...right now, I can't...I'm barely standing here......I just can't....please, Bob....I'm sorry..."
Bob blinked back his tears and nodded. He took a deep breath and gestured for Luke to walk ahead of him. Luke took a quick glance back as he walked away and for some reason he didn't understand, he forced a smile in his father's direction.
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As Luke enters Chris' hospital room ahead of Bob, Katie stands up from the chair next to Chris' bed. She immediately moves toward Luke, but Luke puts his hands up in front of him and shakes his head "no." Katie stops in her tracks and a soft cry escapes her thoat.
Bob is in the room now, and Luke backs up against the closed door, looking at his feet and breathing raggedly.
"Luke?" Katie says.
Bob is now at Chris' bedside, opposite Katie, and reassures her, "It's okay, Katie. Give him a minute." Katie nods and covers her teary eyes.
From across the room, Luke finally lifts his eyes and looks at Chris, who is sitting up in bed. His is bare chested, and a thin dressing is taped over his wound. His cheeks are ruddy, and he looks good for a man who had his chest cracked open and his insides replaced just four days earlier. His eyes, however, look lifeless, and when his eyes meet Luke's, he has to look away.
A choked sob rises up from Chris' chest, and Bob immediately hands him a pillow. "Hug this to your chest. Crying will strain the hardware in your breastbone. Easy, Chris," and Bob lovingly reaches out and caresses his son's head.
"S'okay, dad. I'm okay," Chris murmurs and hugs the pillow tightly to himself. He forces himself to meet Luke's eyes again.
Luke walks toward the bed and ends up by Katie's side, who still has her hands over her eyes. He puts an arm around her shoulders and kisses the side of her head. She turns toward him, and his other arm goes instinctively around her. "Luke....I'm sorry, Luke...I'm sorry..I loved him so much, .Luke...Luke.........Luke." is all she says over and over.
Luke can't imagine how she's feeling. He knows she's grieving, and he knows that she must be battling terribly conflicted emotions.
"I know, Katie...I know...," and he looks at the three people in the room that , with himself included, are probably the only people in Oakdale who love the original owner of the heart that is now beating inside of Chris' chest.
"How are you feeling,Chris?" Luke asks, as he continues to hold his crying Aunt.
Chris tries to answer but can only nod weakly. Tears sting his eyes as they fall freely down his cheeks.
Bob walks over and gently pulls Katie out of Luke's embrace, and Luke immediately steps closer to Chris. His gaze slips down from Chris' eyes and lands on his chest, which is causing the pillow to rise and fall.
"Chris, I need you to stop crying," Luke says flatly, as he pulls the pillow out of Chris' embrace. "I need you to stop crying so that you don't hurt yourself."
Chris nods, takes a few deep breaths, and then steadies himself and his emotions.
"Good, "Luke says, and puts his hand over Chris' hand, never taking his eyes off of Chris' chest. "Good."
For what seems like an eternity, Luke stands at the bedside and watches Chris' chest rise and fall...rise and fall. Katie has stopped crying, and she is watching Luke intently.
"Luke, look at me," Chris' voice startles Luke, even though it is barely a whisper. He tears his eyes from the rhythm of Chris' breathing and looks directly into his eyes. "You can touch me. It's okay; you won't hurt me. I don't mind. Do you want to touch me?"
Luke nods his head, "yes," though he's not entirely sure. For some reason, he feels the need to reassure Chris.
"Chris...it's not your fault; you know that, right?"
"Rationally, yes, but..." answers Chris, and he feels tears forming in his eyes again.
"No, buts."
Chris nods and pulls his hand out from underneath Luke's. He then picks up Luke's hand, turns it over, and gently places it on his chest.
Luke inhales sharply and drops his chin to his own breast. His free hand covers his eyes. He feels Katie's hand on his shoulder. The room is suddenly very still, very quiet, and Luke struggles to feel the beating of the heart inside Chris' body.
"Luke, breathe!" Bob says a little too loudly moments later, and it is only then that Luke realizes he's been holding his breath.
He lets his breath out and pants through his nose. "I can't feel it." The tears are there now, and they are staining his dark blue shirt. "I can't feel him."
"God..." Chris cries as he struggles not to lose control, "Luke, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."
Katie shakes off her own emotions and bends down and kisses Chris' cheek, "Shhhhh...be strong, Chris. You have to be strong. Come on, now...shhhhhhhh."
Chris once again pushes down his emotions and nods resolutely at Katie.
Katie takes Luke's hand and pushes him down to sit on the mattress next to Chris. Tears are falling silently from Luke's eyes. There are no sobs; they just fall effortlessly down his cheeks, over his lips, off his chin. "Go ahead, Luke."
Luke looks to Chris, but Chris is turned toward Bob, and Bob has his forehead pressed to the top of Chris' head.
Katie gently massages Luke's shoulder. "It's okay, Luke. Chris and I have talked about this. Whatever you need. It's okay."
Luke nods and leans forward tentatively. Chris doesn't move.
Luke barely lays his head on Chris' chest and holds his breath again. Chris' left hand comes up and gently pulls Luke towards him so that Luke's ear is firmly upon the dressing over his wound. Luke closes his eyes and from what seems like very far away, he hears the gentle rhythmic thudding of Reid's heart. He closes his eyes tighter and allows himself to breathe as he remembers the time a few weeks before when he had been with Reid in an empty exam room during a late night shift. Luke had had Reid's stethoscope pressed to Reid's chest through a small opening between his shirt buttons. Reid had been sucking gently on Luke's neck, and they had been laughing, as Reid joked that Luke was the most skilled nurse on the floor. It had been quiet and easy and loving and decidedly sexy. It seemed like a lifetime ago.
Luke sits up slowly, and Chris turns his head toward him. Luke smiles through his tears, amazed that hasn't collapsed. He kisses his own open palm, and then he presses his hand back against Chris' chest.
"This is a good heart," Luke says softly. "A really good heart. Nobody knew him, but I saw him. I understood him. He was a good man, Chris."
Chris puts his hand over Luke's. "I know he was. He showed his true colors to me the past few weeks. He talked about you, Luke. He loved you. I hope you know that."
"There's no way Reid told you he loved me," Luke laughs weakly, "He could barely say it to me with a straight face. He isn't...God, *wasn't*... the most sentimental person."
"I don't know about that," Chris says, "There was one day when he was trying to convince me to tell Katie about my illness, and he started talking about her losing Brad and how hard it would be for her to lose someone else. Fuck. Ironic" Luke gulps hard as Chris, his voice weak and strained with emotion, continues.
"And he was stressed out and pissed off at me, understandably, and he told me that his helping me was messing up his love life because you thought he was cheating on you when he was spending time helping me. He said something like how absurd it was that you thought he'd even look at somebody else when he was crazy in love with you, and then he said something about what he --I guess meaning you, Luke --thought it meant when he gave up running the neuro wing because he thought that's what you wanted...I didn't even know about that..., and then he kind of babbled about shit for awhile, asking rhetorical questions to nobody in particular, and saying things about twisty hair and pouty lips--I can only assume he was talking about you. It's like he forgot I was there... It kind of weirded me out because, ya know, Reid wasn't a talker, but for some reason that particular afternoon he let his guard down and wouldn't shut up."
"A rare pleasure," Luke smiles genuinely.
"Yeah," Chris replies, "But then he snapped out of it, thankfully, and turned back into an asshat."
Bob laughs gently at Chris' side, and Katie screeches, "Chris!"
Luke actually laughs out loud. "It's okay, Katie. Reid took pride in his asshattery. C'mon, you lived with him. You know that."
"He liked putting people on edge," Bob agrees and shakes his head, feeling a powerful fondness wash over him, as his weathered blue eyes fill up with tears once again.
Luke sighs and takes a deep breath, relieved that his tears have stopped.
Katie leans down and puts her chin on his shoulder. "I will never forget him Luke. He's so special to Jacob and me. He helped me so much, just by being around when he moved in shortly after Brad died. I love him fiercely and will never, ever stop missing him. Chris and I are here for you, Luke. We will help you through this. I can honestly say that it will get easier."
Luke nods, but can't find any words.
"Anytime you want to feel up my boyfriend's chest, you have my permission, okay?"
Luke smiles as Katie puts her hand over Chris' hand, which is still over Luke's hand, which is over Reid's heart. Bob steps forward and places his hand on top of Katie's.
And the four of them stand there, connected by the memory of one Dr. Reid Oliver, knowing that everything will somehow be okay.