I will pray
ugh, I'm so confused. So utterly and completely confused. What exactly is it that I am feeling emotional wise, rather than being confused? Well, I'm estatic, frustrated, heart broken, childlike, innocent, sad, and..... I can't think of all the other words. I have a lot of friends who I've been praying for and crying for. Ugh, merciful, that's another one. I hurt so bad for my friends, like it literally hurts inside of me when I think about them. I want to yell at them to come back, to look at what they are doing, to remember how it felt when they were not living a sinful life. God please I need your help. Show them.
You spoke to me last week. You told me not to carry their burdens, but then you gave me a bible verse: Galatians 6:12 1 Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer[a] is overcome by some sin, you who are godly[b] should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. 2 Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. Why is it so contradicting? I need your help, show me what you mean.
God I love you, but what are you doing to me? I'm so confused. I want you to be the highest priority in me life. YOU ARE! You aren't even on the list, you ARE the list God. Please know that. I don't care if Chris breaks his promises of coming to see me, because my happiness does not rely on him, it is all on you. I should not be happy through circumstancs, but through your grace and love. I am happy through your blessings. Please believe that, no matter what I contradict in actions, I mean this in my heart.
I'm Scared. I'm scared that I will loose something I had that was good. Or miss out on something. But I know, whatever will be will be. You meant it to happen, everything happens for a reason. If I am meant to be with someone, it will come to pass. But before that I have to become the woman you want me to be.
I'm frustrated. Everyone seems to be finding happiness around me, and I am left out in the cold. I'm sick of pretending that everything is ok. I just need a good cry. I need to let it out. All the pain that I've been holding in. All the pain that I feel for others. The pain that you've shown me.
You have given me the gift of mercy, and when I pray, and I mean pray hard, you show me what it is like for you every day. The pain that you feel, the hurt you feel for the lost. You don't let me feel all of it, only a miniscule of what you feel every day. The pain Lord, the pain is so overwhelming. I don't think I'm strong enough for this job. This burden. But I want it. I want it so much. I want it until it makes me fall on my face in prayer.
Make me feel for the lost again everday. Give it to me Lord, I want it. I want it please I beg you. I want to be the person people come to for advice. I feel like I have back slidden in fear of being alone, yet you were there the whole time. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. God forgive me. Let me build my grace up once again.
I don't know what else to say. I'm done. I'm finished. I want your love, only yours, and then through that I may find that husband one day. But only in your time Lord. I will pray.
You spoke to me last week. You told me not to carry their burdens, but then you gave me a bible verse: Galatians 6:12 1 Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer[a] is overcome by some sin, you who are godly[b] should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. 2 Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. Why is it so contradicting? I need your help, show me what you mean.
God I love you, but what are you doing to me? I'm so confused. I want you to be the highest priority in me life. YOU ARE! You aren't even on the list, you ARE the list God. Please know that. I don't care if Chris breaks his promises of coming to see me, because my happiness does not rely on him, it is all on you. I should not be happy through circumstancs, but through your grace and love. I am happy through your blessings. Please believe that, no matter what I contradict in actions, I mean this in my heart.
I'm Scared. I'm scared that I will loose something I had that was good. Or miss out on something. But I know, whatever will be will be. You meant it to happen, everything happens for a reason. If I am meant to be with someone, it will come to pass. But before that I have to become the woman you want me to be.
I'm frustrated. Everyone seems to be finding happiness around me, and I am left out in the cold. I'm sick of pretending that everything is ok. I just need a good cry. I need to let it out. All the pain that I've been holding in. All the pain that I feel for others. The pain that you've shown me.
You have given me the gift of mercy, and when I pray, and I mean pray hard, you show me what it is like for you every day. The pain that you feel, the hurt you feel for the lost. You don't let me feel all of it, only a miniscule of what you feel every day. The pain Lord, the pain is so overwhelming. I don't think I'm strong enough for this job. This burden. But I want it. I want it so much. I want it until it makes me fall on my face in prayer.
Make me feel for the lost again everday. Give it to me Lord, I want it. I want it please I beg you. I want to be the person people come to for advice. I feel like I have back slidden in fear of being alone, yet you were there the whole time. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. God forgive me. Let me build my grace up once again.
I don't know what else to say. I'm done. I'm finished. I want your love, only yours, and then through that I may find that husband one day. But only in your time Lord. I will pray.