Emotions
So the last few days have been quite interesting. There has been a lot of emotions steeming up in my head.
The first and the best emotion that I have not had in a long time. Saturday night me and a few friends from my church had a grille out for the homeless downtown. We started grilling up burgers, and had some fries, cookies, drinks, and chips. It was a lot of fun at first, and I brought my puppy Cupid. It was fun to see the grown black men, some of who may have been in prision, just melt when they saw my puppy and ask if they could hold or pet him. Cupid is just a tiny ball of love. After that Tim and I got into a constructive argument with a couple homeless men. They weren't very satisfied with what we were doing, they wanted jobs, not food. But that's not what we were there for. We were there to give them fellowship and to talk to them. I asked one of the men, Jersey, what he wanted from me. And istead of asking for money or whatever else, he said he just wanted to talk. So we talked for a while, and he is a very determined homeless man, who looks at the classifieds and tries to find a job every morning. He also told me his 19 year old daughter lives in Virginia and that she asked him to live with her. She doesn't know he is homeless though. And he proceeded to tell me that it is his job to take care of her not the other way around, and that he would feel ashamed to live with her. But I told him that he was being selfish and prideful, that maybe she needs her daddy more than he needs her. Then, he started crying, saying he had never thought of it that way. I told him I knew that it was like to be without a father, and sometimes a daughter just really needs her father. It really touched him and made him rethink a lot about his life, and I think he's going to make a difference one day, either to himself or to others around him. It feels good to know that God can still speak through me and touch people's lives.
The next emotion I have is frustration. My job does not offer a lot of lenience when it comes to asking for specific days off. Which sucks. I work in retail and it's hard to get certain days off. And I don't know my schedule for the next week until Friday, so there goes making any plans. So I'm trying to find something better. But while I'm doing that I also found out about a Masters program they offer at UAB. Since I already have my Bachelors, they have a program where I can go to school for two years and get my Masters in teaching. Instead of going back to school for four years to get my teaching degree. It sounds like that is something I really want to do, but it also means I will be poor for another couple years until I can become a teacher. But we shall see how everything works out.
Next, I feel compassion. And not in the good way, but in an indifferent way. I have a gift that I am realizing that God has given me, it is the gift of compassion. When I see people go through struggles, and hardships, I feel for them. It sounds funny, but I honestly hurt for them. And when I see certain people's life going in the wrong direction it hurts me a lot. And not just an "aww, that really sucks" kinda feelling. But a kind of, "I can't move right now because my heart hurts too much, and if I do move I will just start crying uncontrolably". It has it good times and its downfalls. Like when I talked to Jersey about his daughter and he just started crying, I had to hug him and just cry, and I was more upset then he was!!! It just hurt so much.
There are a lot of people that I come in contact with who I have watched grow through life and have their trials and tribulations, but sometimes it is too much for me to bear. And sometimes God doesn't give us the words to help encourage them, sometimes I think he wants them to learn the hard way. So why, if it is this way, does God put me through the same circumstances? You'd think it would be to help those that are going through the same thing.
It was however, encouraging to see the faith of this man. He has more faith in God than most of the people I know and he has NOTHING. That really says something. I tried to remember when it was when I decided that my life would be fully committed to God again. And I remember it happened when it was one of the lowest points of my life. When I finally gave up that piece that I was holding on for myself and totally and completely placed all my trust in God. I said, "Here I am God, look at me and where I am, I am at the lowest point in my life right now and I'm not gonna do it on my own anymore. I need you here, I need you to help me. I give this all to you, as I am right now, all my trust is in you now. Take me as I am."
And he did......
The first and the best emotion that I have not had in a long time. Saturday night me and a few friends from my church had a grille out for the homeless downtown. We started grilling up burgers, and had some fries, cookies, drinks, and chips. It was a lot of fun at first, and I brought my puppy Cupid. It was fun to see the grown black men, some of who may have been in prision, just melt when they saw my puppy and ask if they could hold or pet him. Cupid is just a tiny ball of love. After that Tim and I got into a constructive argument with a couple homeless men. They weren't very satisfied with what we were doing, they wanted jobs, not food. But that's not what we were there for. We were there to give them fellowship and to talk to them. I asked one of the men, Jersey, what he wanted from me. And istead of asking for money or whatever else, he said he just wanted to talk. So we talked for a while, and he is a very determined homeless man, who looks at the classifieds and tries to find a job every morning. He also told me his 19 year old daughter lives in Virginia and that she asked him to live with her. She doesn't know he is homeless though. And he proceeded to tell me that it is his job to take care of her not the other way around, and that he would feel ashamed to live with her. But I told him that he was being selfish and prideful, that maybe she needs her daddy more than he needs her. Then, he started crying, saying he had never thought of it that way. I told him I knew that it was like to be without a father, and sometimes a daughter just really needs her father. It really touched him and made him rethink a lot about his life, and I think he's going to make a difference one day, either to himself or to others around him. It feels good to know that God can still speak through me and touch people's lives.
The next emotion I have is frustration. My job does not offer a lot of lenience when it comes to asking for specific days off. Which sucks. I work in retail and it's hard to get certain days off. And I don't know my schedule for the next week until Friday, so there goes making any plans. So I'm trying to find something better. But while I'm doing that I also found out about a Masters program they offer at UAB. Since I already have my Bachelors, they have a program where I can go to school for two years and get my Masters in teaching. Instead of going back to school for four years to get my teaching degree. It sounds like that is something I really want to do, but it also means I will be poor for another couple years until I can become a teacher. But we shall see how everything works out.
Next, I feel compassion. And not in the good way, but in an indifferent way. I have a gift that I am realizing that God has given me, it is the gift of compassion. When I see people go through struggles, and hardships, I feel for them. It sounds funny, but I honestly hurt for them. And when I see certain people's life going in the wrong direction it hurts me a lot. And not just an "aww, that really sucks" kinda feelling. But a kind of, "I can't move right now because my heart hurts too much, and if I do move I will just start crying uncontrolably". It has it good times and its downfalls. Like when I talked to Jersey about his daughter and he just started crying, I had to hug him and just cry, and I was more upset then he was!!! It just hurt so much.
There are a lot of people that I come in contact with who I have watched grow through life and have their trials and tribulations, but sometimes it is too much for me to bear. And sometimes God doesn't give us the words to help encourage them, sometimes I think he wants them to learn the hard way. So why, if it is this way, does God put me through the same circumstances? You'd think it would be to help those that are going through the same thing.
It was however, encouraging to see the faith of this man. He has more faith in God than most of the people I know and he has NOTHING. That really says something. I tried to remember when it was when I decided that my life would be fully committed to God again. And I remember it happened when it was one of the lowest points of my life. When I finally gave up that piece that I was holding on for myself and totally and completely placed all my trust in God. I said, "Here I am God, look at me and where I am, I am at the lowest point in my life right now and I'm not gonna do it on my own anymore. I need you here, I need you to help me. I give this all to you, as I am right now, all my trust is in you now. Take me as I am."
And he did......