:(
So I have, kind of by accident, been conducting a bit of a social experiment over the last few months. I have always been a wee bit socially awkward, but I am a really friendly, nice guy. To make up for the awkwardness, I have always made the point of going around at large gatherings (shows, parties, ect) and "chatting up" the people I was acquainted with, and even some I was not. This always made for good conversation and a good time. But I almost always was the one that initiated the conversation. But a a gathering-I think a show-late this summer, I was not feeling that well. I decided to hang back, and sit by myself. Mind you, I was not brooding or looking pissed or anything. I was amazed that nearly no one talked to me the entire 3 or 4 hours I was there. There were tons of people I knew there, including many I consider "nice" folks.
Hoping it was a fluke, I have tried it several more times, with the same disappointing result. Thank god/satan for the precious few who actually have come up and talked to me...at least I am not a total pariah. But overall I am really fucking bitter and pissed about this. Best case scenario- most of the people in my current "friend" group are cliquish assholes. Worst case scenario- I am just unlikeable and irrelevant in said friend group. Either way, this is just depressing on a massive scale. The only saving grace in all this is that I KNOW it is about the other people to some extent. A similar experiment conducted 3 or 5 or 10 years ago would not have yielded the same results. At least I don't think so. Now I'm paranoid.
Hoping it was a fluke, I have tried it several more times, with the same disappointing result. Thank god/satan for the precious few who actually have come up and talked to me...at least I am not a total pariah. But overall I am really fucking bitter and pissed about this. Best case scenario- most of the people in my current "friend" group are cliquish assholes. Worst case scenario- I am just unlikeable and irrelevant in said friend group. Either way, this is just depressing on a massive scale. The only saving grace in all this is that I KNOW it is about the other people to some extent. A similar experiment conducted 3 or 5 or 10 years ago would not have yielded the same results. At least I don't think so. Now I'm paranoid.