An Open Letter to my Estranged Sister
I didn't like you much when you were born. It never seemed fair to me that you were to be thrown into my life without any say from me. You were to share my room, my toys, my clothes, MY things. Part of the jealousy I experienced came even from your name, "Angela." It seemed unjust that after just one year of my life, our parents decided that your name be holier than mine. Pft! Your name means "Angel?" ANGEL? SERIOUSLY? I hoped God wasn't going to judge me based on that later. It was like an instant competitor had been set aside me for eternity, and I was already losing. A part of me was excited. A part of me knew this was a big responsibility. I held my held high, which wasn't very high, but as high as a one year old was capable. I carried on with my new life. I was now a big sister.
Unfortunately, I did not want to compete. I did not ask for a competitor. I actually wanted a sister. I wanted a partner in crime. I wanted someone to share my secrets with. I wanted someone to give advice to. I wanted a sister that I saw on TV. I wanted a best friend. I wanted a sister I could mold into a better version of myself... But that person wasn't you.
You took the opposite side of every argument. You aspired to be nothing like me. You thought my advice was useless. You didn't want to wear my clothes. You didn't want to like the same things. The only way to make ourselves feel better was to push the other down. We led such separate lives that we could go months living in the same house without talking.
Even our astrology signs were 180 degrees apart from one another. Our personalities clashed. I could never understand you. You could never understand me. I am sad to say that you don't even know me as a person anymore. The times have changed and I have changed. You have changed too. We are no longer little babies, or children, or teenagers, but adults. We are not little girls. We are women. There are no toys to share. We live in different parts of the country. We just have photos and memories and stories that go untold to one another.
I have seen how caring you are towards those you cherish. You make so much time for family. You have always said how important family is to you. You maintained relationships with everyone else... even those who didn't appreciate having you around or who were horrible to me. All for the sake of shared blood. After Mary Lou died there was a light in my heart. I thought the family divide would end and we could finally be a family, but it has just wedged us more apart. It's ironic that you wish to appease the dead and gone over the living in the name of "family."
I will never know anything about you, and I have come to accept that. You do not cherish family. You see what you want to see and that is it. You will always see me as a jealous one year old.
You may be stuck in the past, but I will not be. I have replaced you with others who rank above you. Some people say you will come around, but I doubt it. Blood may be thicker than water to you... but I have my own blood. I rather have a glass of water.
Unfortunately, I did not want to compete. I did not ask for a competitor. I actually wanted a sister. I wanted a partner in crime. I wanted someone to share my secrets with. I wanted someone to give advice to. I wanted a sister that I saw on TV. I wanted a best friend. I wanted a sister I could mold into a better version of myself... But that person wasn't you.
You took the opposite side of every argument. You aspired to be nothing like me. You thought my advice was useless. You didn't want to wear my clothes. You didn't want to like the same things. The only way to make ourselves feel better was to push the other down. We led such separate lives that we could go months living in the same house without talking.
Even our astrology signs were 180 degrees apart from one another. Our personalities clashed. I could never understand you. You could never understand me. I am sad to say that you don't even know me as a person anymore. The times have changed and I have changed. You have changed too. We are no longer little babies, or children, or teenagers, but adults. We are not little girls. We are women. There are no toys to share. We live in different parts of the country. We just have photos and memories and stories that go untold to one another.
I have seen how caring you are towards those you cherish. You make so much time for family. You have always said how important family is to you. You maintained relationships with everyone else... even those who didn't appreciate having you around or who were horrible to me. All for the sake of shared blood. After Mary Lou died there was a light in my heart. I thought the family divide would end and we could finally be a family, but it has just wedged us more apart. It's ironic that you wish to appease the dead and gone over the living in the name of "family."
I will never know anything about you, and I have come to accept that. You do not cherish family. You see what you want to see and that is it. You will always see me as a jealous one year old.
You may be stuck in the past, but I will not be. I have replaced you with others who rank above you. Some people say you will come around, but I doubt it. Blood may be thicker than water to you... but I have my own blood. I rather have a glass of water.