Stargate SG-1: Life in Death
Title: Life in Death
Author: chris4short
Written For prompt_in_a_box: Round #4
Prompt #16: "A death-blow is a life-blow to some who, till they died, did not alive become."
Word Count: 688 (According to MW)
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Maridian
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Pairing: Sam/Daniel
Summary: Daniel is dying, but can Sam find life in that?
Epitaph is a closure of one’s life, the finally stroll down memory lane. It can be an uneventful end to an uneventful life. It can be a homage to the person we admire. It can be the final opportunity to let every one knew how you truly felt. It can be the celebration of a conclusion, or the release to move on with one’s life.
But either way, a person needs that final good-bye, that moment, when perhaps for the first time it is clear what everything meant. What everything meant to you.
It was those thoughts, and fears, that propelled me over the threshold and to his side. I looked at the machines, blipping and blinking like the ones in my lab, but these were keeping my best friend alive. If wrapped in bandage and gauze can be called alive. They weren’t sure if he could hear us; he had slipped, almost mercifully, into a coma the night before.
I watched the blipping for a moment and marveled, not for the first time, how strong his heart was. It pounded, demanded to be live on, despite being in a body that was now dying. I stared at the bandaged hands, face, and every part of the man I knew. It covered him from us, but also protected him. Or maybe it was helping to eat his flesh away, make him a shadow of a memory to all of us.
I looked away. I couldn’t watch a strong man slip away so weakly from me. A man who gave everything to all of us, and at the end of the day seemed to be able to give more when it was needed. Selfless had a name. It had a face. It had a heart. And it was all fading in the hospital bed before me.
Blinking away the threat of tears, I sat on the stool someone before me had brought in. Looking over the blanket, over the vastness of space surrounding this one moment, and I had to spill my heart. It felt like a release as I started to talk about my day, my projects, my family, my dreams, my desires.
I glanced at my watch after a while and found three hours had passed. I bit my lip once more and gripped his hand having the feeling he had was listening to my breaths, labored and not sure how to form the words I had wanted to say. I could hear my heart beat faster as I let the tears flow.
“You have an effect on people, Daniel. The way you look at things, it changed me too. I see what really matters. I don’t know why we wait to tell people how we really feel. I guess, I hoped you always knew.”
I kissed his hand, the only part that was close and wouldn’t look too inappropriate. I smiled a bit, laughing at myself. Now was not a time when, tear stained and babbling about emotions, to think about appropriate actions.
A hand brushed my shoulder and I turned to see a nurse, smiling apologetically. I turned back to Daniel and laid his hand back on top of the blanket. I got up and froze, swearing I felt my fingers being squeezed, firm and strong. Looking back no movement could be seen, and I knew the nurse hadn’t seen anything.
“I’ll be back later,” I whispered, and left the room, wiping my tears away, and holding my hand like it was touched by an angel. I smiled as I rode the elevator to my quarters; in some ways it had been.
In one second of tiny confession, to the dying man, I felt my heart beat alive and strong for the one thing I could never have told him while he was alive. As I walked down the hall, to find a few hours of sleep, I knew that when he did die, because no matter how I hoped, and denied it, it was going to happen, I would live on with the love I had finally let into my heart for Daniel Jackson.
Author: chris4short
Written For prompt_in_a_box: Round #4
Prompt #16: "A death-blow is a life-blow to some who, till they died, did not alive become."
Word Count: 688 (According to MW)
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Maridian
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Pairing: Sam/Daniel
Summary: Daniel is dying, but can Sam find life in that?
Epitaph is a closure of one’s life, the finally stroll down memory lane. It can be an uneventful end to an uneventful life. It can be a homage to the person we admire. It can be the final opportunity to let every one knew how you truly felt. It can be the celebration of a conclusion, or the release to move on with one’s life.
But either way, a person needs that final good-bye, that moment, when perhaps for the first time it is clear what everything meant. What everything meant to you.
It was those thoughts, and fears, that propelled me over the threshold and to his side. I looked at the machines, blipping and blinking like the ones in my lab, but these were keeping my best friend alive. If wrapped in bandage and gauze can be called alive. They weren’t sure if he could hear us; he had slipped, almost mercifully, into a coma the night before.
I watched the blipping for a moment and marveled, not for the first time, how strong his heart was. It pounded, demanded to be live on, despite being in a body that was now dying. I stared at the bandaged hands, face, and every part of the man I knew. It covered him from us, but also protected him. Or maybe it was helping to eat his flesh away, make him a shadow of a memory to all of us.
I looked away. I couldn’t watch a strong man slip away so weakly from me. A man who gave everything to all of us, and at the end of the day seemed to be able to give more when it was needed. Selfless had a name. It had a face. It had a heart. And it was all fading in the hospital bed before me.
Blinking away the threat of tears, I sat on the stool someone before me had brought in. Looking over the blanket, over the vastness of space surrounding this one moment, and I had to spill my heart. It felt like a release as I started to talk about my day, my projects, my family, my dreams, my desires.
I glanced at my watch after a while and found three hours had passed. I bit my lip once more and gripped his hand having the feeling he had was listening to my breaths, labored and not sure how to form the words I had wanted to say. I could hear my heart beat faster as I let the tears flow.
“You have an effect on people, Daniel. The way you look at things, it changed me too. I see what really matters. I don’t know why we wait to tell people how we really feel. I guess, I hoped you always knew.”
I kissed his hand, the only part that was close and wouldn’t look too inappropriate. I smiled a bit, laughing at myself. Now was not a time when, tear stained and babbling about emotions, to think about appropriate actions.
A hand brushed my shoulder and I turned to see a nurse, smiling apologetically. I turned back to Daniel and laid his hand back on top of the blanket. I got up and froze, swearing I felt my fingers being squeezed, firm and strong. Looking back no movement could be seen, and I knew the nurse hadn’t seen anything.
“I’ll be back later,” I whispered, and left the room, wiping my tears away, and holding my hand like it was touched by an angel. I smiled as I rode the elevator to my quarters; in some ways it had been.
In one second of tiny confession, to the dying man, I felt my heart beat alive and strong for the one thing I could never have told him while he was alive. As I walked down the hall, to find a few hours of sleep, I knew that when he did die, because no matter how I hoped, and denied it, it was going to happen, I would live on with the love I had finally let into my heart for Daniel Jackson.