Never enough
I don't know if it's your intention but it seems to feel like nothing I do is good enough for you. That's the way it used to feel and that's the way it feels now. Maybe you're just trying to push me to be a better person, but that's just optimism. You tell me I should accept you for who you are and everything about you. Then why are you so critical of me? I've tried to extend myself in to the ways you'd like me to. From the live journal to my physical attempts but I just feel like you're being ungrateful for my efforts. Of course I could always do more, but just as you are hesitant, so am I. I know you tried in different ways while you were here but why are we both so completely frustrated. Why do we want this so much? And why do we struggle so much when the basic foundation is so solid? Is love really not always enough? I've never gotten over you and I don't think I ever will but I don't know how for us to both give into one another when we're both so stubborn on what we want and how we want to get to that place. We are so alike in so many ways and yet in some ways so different. I wish you could just tell me what to do and prove to me that it would all work out and you want to be the man of my dreams and would make me happy and take care of me for always. I don't even know what to do or where to go from here. I'm just as confused as ever. But still wanting so much to be a part of your life. I am sorry for hurting you and being selfish on your last weekend here, but you seemed so unhappy when I talked to you on the weekend like it didn't matter anymore so I just let you slip away. If it would have been me I would have wanted you to come after me, maybe that's what you wanted all along, but I don't have a clue. I am sorry. I wish I could look in your eyes and have you believe me and forgive me. That's more than enough for one sitting.