weirded out
i havent updated in a while so since noone's home to eavesdrop on my doings here, i now have freedom of speech
- or of typing -
well things at the radio station are nice, i read for the blind people and my voice gets sent out on the airwaves. btw i hate my voice, i think its a bad sounding voice. but anyway, i talk about all sorts of different things, i now know how to prevent UTIs in women. that was by far the weirdest thing i've ever done. i was so embarassed. we dont get to read what we read before hand so whatever comes up must be read. and i got handed the medical half hour. so i thought that would be fine. turns out half of the articles to be read were from a women's health magazine. so i had to keep talking about yeast infections, and UTIs, and episiology, which sounds like the most painful thing in the world. btw i cut the last article out. we also dont get to figure out how to pronounce hard words until we're recording. anyway other than that the radio station is really workin out, even though i'm supposed to be at work today (my parents are neglecting that i even exist). i've also come to the realization that i'm gonna be alone for the rest of my hopelessly romantic life. i so long for and wait for the affection that i think is deserved. (a bit egotistical i guess) and yet the longer i wait the more i feel it'll never happen and that can only be the fault of me, (even though its not its just like that in my head) see what's wrong my brain tells me to believe two opposite things at once, and i do. while its not my fault, in some strange way that i cant make out, it is. but i feel a little better, not a lot better mind you. that wont happen until things change for me. and the reason i feel a little better is because i have the friends i have. ross, nicole, alex, and even "mike 'straight as a needle' coney" (inside joke for those of you who are confused; i.e. everyone except me and mike who probably doesnt even read these) nicole and alex are both so cool, and all the time praising my good looks, according to ross, which i still cant figure out, i'm not that good looking but whatever, dont let me stop you. and they're good to talk to mainly because lets just say talking to guys about somethings is really different than talking to nicole and alex. with the exception of ross, and with the big exception of mike. i would have expected the open ear policy from ross, we've been friends a good long time now, but from mike it was strange. we barely know each other. but he still wanted to listen, even after i warned him what i had to say doesnt float his boat. it doesnt float anybody's boat really, but for some reason it seemed different for him. i told him the wally story, and i think he felt a little sory for me and tried to offer advice, but had none, thats ok i wouldnt have expected him to - its not his boat. then we got into asking questions more like he asked all the questions. like "why are you gay" i understand his not understanding. i'm sorry i cant explain it, and honestly sometimes, many times, i hate the fact that i am. i also hate the fact that i was so weirded out last night cuz of my realization form above, that i answered some of the questions wrong, they were the kind of questions that should be only answered verbally, i cant type with expression. sorry. anyway thanks again, i must now once again leave you with these thoughts. and go read on the radio.
- or of typing -
well things at the radio station are nice, i read for the blind people and my voice gets sent out on the airwaves. btw i hate my voice, i think its a bad sounding voice. but anyway, i talk about all sorts of different things, i now know how to prevent UTIs in women. that was by far the weirdest thing i've ever done. i was so embarassed. we dont get to read what we read before hand so whatever comes up must be read. and i got handed the medical half hour. so i thought that would be fine. turns out half of the articles to be read were from a women's health magazine. so i had to keep talking about yeast infections, and UTIs, and episiology, which sounds like the most painful thing in the world. btw i cut the last article out. we also dont get to figure out how to pronounce hard words until we're recording. anyway other than that the radio station is really workin out, even though i'm supposed to be at work today (my parents are neglecting that i even exist). i've also come to the realization that i'm gonna be alone for the rest of my hopelessly romantic life. i so long for and wait for the affection that i think is deserved. (a bit egotistical i guess) and yet the longer i wait the more i feel it'll never happen and that can only be the fault of me, (even though its not its just like that in my head) see what's wrong my brain tells me to believe two opposite things at once, and i do. while its not my fault, in some strange way that i cant make out, it is. but i feel a little better, not a lot better mind you. that wont happen until things change for me. and the reason i feel a little better is because i have the friends i have. ross, nicole, alex, and even "mike 'straight as a needle' coney" (inside joke for those of you who are confused; i.e. everyone except me and mike who probably doesnt even read these) nicole and alex are both so cool, and all the time praising my good looks, according to ross, which i still cant figure out, i'm not that good looking but whatever, dont let me stop you. and they're good to talk to mainly because lets just say talking to guys about somethings is really different than talking to nicole and alex. with the exception of ross, and with the big exception of mike. i would have expected the open ear policy from ross, we've been friends a good long time now, but from mike it was strange. we barely know each other. but he still wanted to listen, even after i warned him what i had to say doesnt float his boat. it doesnt float anybody's boat really, but for some reason it seemed different for him. i told him the wally story, and i think he felt a little sory for me and tried to offer advice, but had none, thats ok i wouldnt have expected him to - its not his boat. then we got into asking questions more like he asked all the questions. like "why are you gay" i understand his not understanding. i'm sorry i cant explain it, and honestly sometimes, many times, i hate the fact that i am. i also hate the fact that i was so weirded out last night cuz of my realization form above, that i answered some of the questions wrong, they were the kind of questions that should be only answered verbally, i cant type with expression. sorry. anyway thanks again, i must now once again leave you with these thoughts. and go read on the radio.