The Pee-Pee Dance
So I'm going to the city last Friday during my lunch hour with my friend
Sharon to pay that artist guy some more bucks for the painting and on the
way back from Ludlow street I take a wrong turn & wind up on the
Queens/cross Bronx expressway into Brooklyn. So I
u-turn & wind up following the signs to the Manhattan Bridge to get back
towards Chinatown to the Holland Tunnel so we can get back to work. We are
already a half hour late by now...
So on top of the manhattan bridge the traffic suddenly stops. We are
directly on top. So here we are making conversation , stuff like, what would
you do for a million dollars' type of shit to get my mind off the fact that
Ive had to pee since before we left the office.
So there I am doing the pee pee dance in the car trying really hard to hold
it. I'm usually good at it but I happened to drink 3 coffees (they were
free-the spanish cafe` con leche's) and a liter of water before I left.
And the uncomfortability factor increases.
So finally after AN HOUR AND A HALF ON THE MANHATTAN BRIDGE (there was an
accident involving a cement truck on the bottom of the bridge) I say I cant
take it & I gotta go...but where?
Sharon suggests I open both doors & pee in the middle but shit, it's two in
the afternoon and cars are stopped bumper to bumper...no way.
So then I'm looking in the car. I tried to devise how I would pee in my
plastic tiger striped pocketbook but it's hard to pee sittin down.
Then I saw it.
The solution.
That morning I had sauntered into the A&P and purchased a 60 pack of
diapers.
I proceeded to rip open the package. I asked Sharon for her coat to cover my
lap, she was like 'no fuckin way man!"
So I took off my jacket & proceeded to placed it on my lap & then slowly I
took down my pants tried to position the diaper as best I could.
So then I was tryin to pee but I couldnt cause she was in the car so i told
her to go make a call on her cell phone & turn her head.
so then just as I start peein the traffic starts to move.
So I'm peein & driving and the diaper fills up.
So at the light around chinatown I make a quick maneuver for a second diaper
& fill that one too.
And I drive all the way back to Hoboken with my pants around my ankles.
And two less diapers in the package.
Sharon to pay that artist guy some more bucks for the painting and on the
way back from Ludlow street I take a wrong turn & wind up on the
Queens/cross Bronx expressway into Brooklyn. So I
u-turn & wind up following the signs to the Manhattan Bridge to get back
towards Chinatown to the Holland Tunnel so we can get back to work. We are
already a half hour late by now...
So on top of the manhattan bridge the traffic suddenly stops. We are
directly on top. So here we are making conversation , stuff like, what would
you do for a million dollars' type of shit to get my mind off the fact that
Ive had to pee since before we left the office.
So there I am doing the pee pee dance in the car trying really hard to hold
it. I'm usually good at it but I happened to drink 3 coffees (they were
free-the spanish cafe` con leche's) and a liter of water before I left.
And the uncomfortability factor increases.
So finally after AN HOUR AND A HALF ON THE MANHATTAN BRIDGE (there was an
accident involving a cement truck on the bottom of the bridge) I say I cant
take it & I gotta go...but where?
Sharon suggests I open both doors & pee in the middle but shit, it's two in
the afternoon and cars are stopped bumper to bumper...no way.
So then I'm looking in the car. I tried to devise how I would pee in my
plastic tiger striped pocketbook but it's hard to pee sittin down.
Then I saw it.
The solution.
That morning I had sauntered into the A&P and purchased a 60 pack of
diapers.
I proceeded to rip open the package. I asked Sharon for her coat to cover my
lap, she was like 'no fuckin way man!"
So I took off my jacket & proceeded to placed it on my lap & then slowly I
took down my pants tried to position the diaper as best I could.
So then I was tryin to pee but I couldnt cause she was in the car so i told
her to go make a call on her cell phone & turn her head.
so then just as I start peein the traffic starts to move.
So I'm peein & driving and the diaper fills up.
So at the light around chinatown I make a quick maneuver for a second diaper
& fill that one too.
And I drive all the way back to Hoboken with my pants around my ankles.
And two less diapers in the package.