(no subject)
It's only been three days but it feels like forty.
I don't want to leave the flat anymore. It's exhausting. I know it would be even more exhausting to be pregnant, but that's not going to happen, for so, so many reasons.
I keep having nightmares. I cry, and I don't want Alex to touch me but I do. And I don't know what to say to people, like I've lost my script, because I just feel empty inside.
I can't help thinking I'm weak for not just forgetting it all.
We're doing Lysistrata and Company, which sounds like a bizarre updated Greek comedy programme when I phrase it that way. I'm quite fond of my song in Company, even if I have to play one of Charlie's girlfriends. Then again, there aren't that many options in Company that don't include 'someone Charlie's character hits on or dates.' It's not that much of a departure for him, is it?
Alex says I sound good and Charlie says I'm improving which is about the nicest compliment I've ever received from him on my singing, so I'm less wound up about this one than I was about the Baroness in Sound of Music.
My birthday's next week. I suppose I should be planning a party.