(no subject)

[downdonny]

i feel so lame even talking about girl drama. like, i feel absolutely pathetic feeling depressed over a girl. with all the things that have happened to me, and all the useless shit i seem to put myself through, i still become very emotional over something as lame as feelings for a girl. to be fully honest, the whole Dee Joe thing hurt alot. i mean my good friends decided it would be better to hide the truth from me, then tell me. it still hurts to be honest, and i really don't think i like Joe anymore. somehow Dee is still my buddy though. i think Dee knows she is really desired by everyone, and is a super flirt. its hilarious that all of us have had a thing for her now, and i think she knows it, and loves it. she knows damn well Cook, Joe, Jake, I..... everyone was just... gap jawed head over heels stupid for her. so now, i feel stupid for ever feeling anything, and for letting myself listen to her when we had our talk. i see her pretty much daily, and i think i'm becoming more and more of an asshole to her. i don't mean to be, she really is like my best friend. but, i guess i don't care as much anymore. i don't feel i need to impress her because i don't care. which is nice. she used to consume my thoughts. like, i think about her alot. i really liked her alot... but now that i am kinda like, wow Dee sucks. my head is totally free. so now im back to my questioning everything self enlightenment bullshit that always just makes me depressed. theres no other girls in my life really. any that are, think im with Dee. shit, half my friends have thought we were together, and i couldn't explain to Chris that we've never fucked the other day. he seems to be convinced we have and won't accept "no" for an answer. as is the case with alot of people. they think more has happened than has. fuck. when i had a girlfriend, one day in dee told me a bunch of shit that made me break up with her the next day. then she fucked my best friend, and the other girl doesn't talk to me anymore. i lost Cassie because i told her i liked Dee. like, fuck. damnit Dee. damnit. i guess I'm just accepting that we will always be friends. very good friends no doubt, but nothing is ever going to happen. and if it does, i will stop it. because anything past friend status with Dee clearly ends in me heartbroken.

drunk chicks keep calling mne. trying to sell a fish. they wanted to have phone sex last night. have i mentioned this before? every week or so these drunk girls call me and tlak ot me for like an hour. im not sure who they are yet, but its been going on for monthes and i've been catching clues, i think i know who it is.