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[downdonny]

soooooooooo whats new. well, i went down to NY to see Kelsey. got to stay there a few days, her parents were so nice, without ever meeting us they invited us into their home and treated us so nice. they were really good people. and getting to see Kelsey was great. LP drove me down, we just kinda chilled for a few days, no responsibility since im

Comments

mom replies

[anonymous]

Well lets be honest here. This is mom. You neglected to mention that I did not kick you out the week before Thanksgiving. I talked to you about finding someplace else to live at the end of Sept. I gave you a month. You had no license. I then lent you what you needed to get your license back. (I have the canceled check) I even bought you a car. I might add the 3rd car you have had. the first i lent you 1/3 of the cost. You totaled in on Tuttle rd. The second one I bought, you totaled tho that was an accident. When the month came up i extended the time two more weeks. I asked you daily are you looking for a place? So after 6 weeks it couldn't have been a shock. The reasons you were asked to leave was the best for both of us. You were working and/or partying til all hours of the early morning. Sleeping all day,getting up and going to work/or partying. You were not going to school, oh ya, i paid for night school that you attended a few weeks. Your room was a disaster. Trash and Garbage everywhere, your friends can back that up. One of the final straws was the bugs that filled my house from the trash up there. I had asked you not to smoke in the house, you did what you wanted to anyhow. I asked you to leave, hoping that you would have to take a stand and make some effort to get on with your life. I have always loved you and am not trying to be lovey dovey now. I have always cared and will always care about you. I worry about where you are, but you need to take control of your own life now. I was on my own at 18. If you have lost your job you need to find another quick. You need to find a place to live. Living in your car is pathetic and will get old fast. There is the option of the Ymca, and the shelter program in Dover for kids 18-21 who will help you get your life in order. They only ask no overnight guests in your room and urine tests because no drinking or drugs. Just because you leave home, doesn't mean you leave the family. We missed you today. I thought it would be nice for you to come home and wake up here xmas. And I did tell you that i would pick you up so that is how the hell you would have got here. A lot of kids go home for xmas after moving out. SO I am not any more lovey dovey now. I just am more relaxed. I don't worry about you up in your room, smoking, or cutting or waking me at 3am. You are better off as long as you get your act together. Get a job, stop the partying and using and get a place to live, get your ged. I am not insane. I have suffered grief and confusion these last 4 years as you have. I made mistakes. I can't take things back. I did the best i could with a situation i had nothing to do with.

Re: mom replies

[downdonny]

the acclaim you told me was a gift. the beretta, you bought with half of the money you got when you sold a piece of land in Maine that my father left to me. it was not yours. so, the fact that i got a car, with half of the money earned when you sold something of mine, sparks no remorse or immediate feelings of "aw my mom bought me this i should pay her back." you want the money for the escort? fine. as soon as i have the money. its yours. the money for getting my license back? fine. you know, its strange how you always call up gifts to use against me. should i not accept gifts from you anymore? generally when you give someone something you don't later use it against them. you're supposed to help me. you're supposed to love me. and for the last few years, i cannot recall a time where i could stop and say my mom loves me. im not a perfect kid, and by no means am i even a good person. i realize i fuck things up, and get in trouble more than most people. i have terrible addictions, and my depression, ack, its retarded. sometimes it doesn't even make sense, and i know that weighed on you as a mother. ok, you've lent me money for cars, and i've forgotten. whatever. i'll pay you back. i've been terribly upset that i couldn't go home for christmas. honestly, it hurt me alot, but i can't bring myself to come back and act like we're one big happy family. yeah, kids come back to be with their familes for christmas, come back. thats assuming they have somewhere to come back from, and somewhere to go back to. you knew i had no where to go. no money. no license. and you still kicked me out. you're my mother, naturally i have to love you. same with Danni, though i have tried, and though it often makes no sense.

im changing. alot. as a person. maturing i suppose. but, today, i was happy. for the first time in a long time, i was alone, and i didn't have to try and look at the possitives. i was happy. everyone was so good to me, and so nice to me for christmas. especially Dee and Jakes family. i don't feel depressed anymore. you say i need to get my life together, i say im making more progress than i ever have before.