Wake me up, before you go...
Whatever had been driving my body around for the last God only knows how long, was gone. It was the baby, it had to be. Even before Connor and I, even before we did what we did, it had somehow been there. I could feel it squirming around, just below the surface. Leave it to me to think my problems were to small to acknowledge. Don't worry about Cordy, she'll be fine. I just need to be alone Angel so I can stew over your past and pretend like we didn't have something before I became a "higher being". Higher being my ass. More like a jacked up, magic driven, super momma with a big flashing inter-dimensional taxi sign on my forehead. God, all the things that I'd done. Well, not me exactly, but this thing that pushed itself to the surface and pretended to be me. All those innocent people...the girl and Lilah. Well, Lilah was far from innocent but that really wasn't the point. Plus all the people out there who still didn't realize just how dangerous permanent midnight could really be. They wouldn't understand what was happening and they'd have no way to defend themselves. Oh God, what have I done?
And Connor. The thing might not have been in his body but it had taken him for a ride too. He believed the baby was good and special, just like he was. I could see the hope in his eyes, that proud look of becoming a father. I knew the look because I remember seeing it in Angel's eyes when Connor was on the way. Like father, like son. It was almost like for the first time since coming back from the horrible hell dimension his life had some sort of meaning. And now, all that was gone. The baby was gone and I was unconscious, unable to comfort him. I felt so unbelievably helpless. Even more then I did when my body snatcher was at the controls. What made it worse was the fact I had pushed him out. Right before the never ending sleep decided to take over, I had drove him out. I couldn't bare to look at him knowing what we had done and how ashamed I was. It wasn't his fault and I shouldn't have treated him like it was, I just couldn't help it. All I could do was hope the rest of them would find him in time before he did something crazy.
I think at some point he had come back to move me but I couldn't be sure. It was kinda hard to tell what was real and what was in my head, it had been so long since I had had to try and make sense of the things around me. Where ever I was, where ever my body was, I knew I was safe I could feel it. But for how long? The beast was still out there not to mention all the vampires and other bump in the night creatures. And the baby. Where had it gone? Was it dead, invisible, somewhere other then here? Despite my motherly instincts, the idea of it being out there scared the crap out of me. Whatever my baby was, it was strong and very powerful, and hungry. I remember the hunger. A deep, sickening hunger...I want to say for life, but somehow that just seems to weird to even try and comprehend. All I know is it wasn't good and if it was still out there, permanent midnight was the least of our worries.
I really don't know how long I was there, where ever there was, thinking about everything that happened, when someone came. Connor? It had to be. The place still felt safe to me. None of my demony parts were tingly. But there was more then just one set of foot steps, I think. Maybe two or even three. Had he brought Wes and Fred and Gunn back with him? Better yet, did he bring to cast some kind of spell to wake me up because I gotta tell ya, this was even more boring then when I was a higher being.
[Open to Connor, Faith, Wesley]
And Connor. The thing might not have been in his body but it had taken him for a ride too. He believed the baby was good and special, just like he was. I could see the hope in his eyes, that proud look of becoming a father. I knew the look because I remember seeing it in Angel's eyes when Connor was on the way. Like father, like son. It was almost like for the first time since coming back from the horrible hell dimension his life had some sort of meaning. And now, all that was gone. The baby was gone and I was unconscious, unable to comfort him. I felt so unbelievably helpless. Even more then I did when my body snatcher was at the controls. What made it worse was the fact I had pushed him out. Right before the never ending sleep decided to take over, I had drove him out. I couldn't bare to look at him knowing what we had done and how ashamed I was. It wasn't his fault and I shouldn't have treated him like it was, I just couldn't help it. All I could do was hope the rest of them would find him in time before he did something crazy.
I think at some point he had come back to move me but I couldn't be sure. It was kinda hard to tell what was real and what was in my head, it had been so long since I had had to try and make sense of the things around me. Where ever I was, where ever my body was, I knew I was safe I could feel it. But for how long? The beast was still out there not to mention all the vampires and other bump in the night creatures. And the baby. Where had it gone? Was it dead, invisible, somewhere other then here? Despite my motherly instincts, the idea of it being out there scared the crap out of me. Whatever my baby was, it was strong and very powerful, and hungry. I remember the hunger. A deep, sickening hunger...I want to say for life, but somehow that just seems to weird to even try and comprehend. All I know is it wasn't good and if it was still out there, permanent midnight was the least of our worries.
I really don't know how long I was there, where ever there was, thinking about everything that happened, when someone came. Connor? It had to be. The place still felt safe to me. None of my demony parts were tingly. But there was more then just one set of foot steps, I think. Maybe two or even three. Had he brought Wes and Fred and Gunn back with him? Better yet, did he bring to cast some kind of spell to wake me up because I gotta tell ya, this was even more boring then when I was a higher being.
[Open to Connor, Faith, Wesley]