(no subject)
nukkkaa.
I'm single bitches. crazy...8 months...8 FUCKING MONTHS and it ends terribly. I feel sick to my stomach about the whole ordeal, its like thinking you know someone and then having them turn around and show you something completely different. mostly though...i feel stupid, i feel like a complete fucking retard for thinking i knew what was happening..when i didn't at all. i feel like I'm getting laughed at completely although it's not from my friends or family but the one guy I was truly in love with. "yeah she like called me 1000 times a day". MAYBE ...just maybe...if you ever answered your fucking phone i wouldn't need to call you 1000 times a day and if you didn't want to answer your goddamn phone then you shouldn't have been with me in the first place! you shouldn't have led me on continuously, telling you really did love me and really did want to be with me WHEN YOU DIDN'T. when you never did. I'm going to grow up and talk to my daughters about what it was like to lose my virginity and I'm going to have to say...that i was cheated out of my virginity, that i THOUGHT i knew what i was getting myself into, that maybe we didn't LOVE eachother but we at least CARED enough about eachother but... not only did i not know what i was getting myself into and that he doesn't love me..HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME. no matter what people can say...you don't treat people you actually care about like this...never. and never in a million years would i ever think of treating anyone like this...ANYONE. okay so he didn't care about me...at least be fucking mature about the whole situation. not only is he a fucking immature jackass but what makes the whole situation worse...is that I'm still in love with him and always will be. yeah I'll fall in love again and hopefully in college we're i will meet some REAL men but it doesn't change the fact that as i type this he likes a girl named bethany and he's beginning to replace me and that after 8 months of my life...through thick and thin our smiles and laughs and sex and kissed and hugs and our cuddling and our normal conversations... meant nothing to him and this makes me sick to my fucking stomach. "oh hey kids, i definately lost my virginity to a fucking loser asshole who PRETENDED HE CARED ABOUT ME BUT THREW IT BACK IN MY FACE". ahhh great.
in other news... snow day on friday...pretty fucccking sweet.
smoked twice that day with steeeveee and walked our asses down to taco bell in the blizzard which is always awesome. oh and yeah chuggins has cancer and he's dying and as he begins to look more and more sick ... i feel myself dying along with him. saturday i worked and then went christmas shopping with steve and we met up with mike ..and mike.. and then caught up with emily and liz. meant bethany too by the way she's really nice which makes it really hard for me to not like her...because really i have no reason to considering jeremy is single and yeaahh. went into the mall with 120 and came out with 3 dollars and got 3 presents...hm awesome. today i had to work and some lady left her purse in the parking lot and i found it while doing carriages and brought it to the service desk and like 10 minutes later a frantic lady came looking for it so i was like oh yeah i brought it to the service desk and she was all grateful and she gave me $10! i have coffee/cigarette money now. i should probably read now. OH AND BY THE WAY. theres this kid at my work named richard (dorky i know) that is completely gorgeous and hes hispanic and goes to burncoat and hes so nice and hes in honor classes and we talked last night on the phone untiiiil 2:30 and hes calling me tonight =) annnnd fhdskgf hes gorgeous...did i mention that already? and he doesn't like going out alot like me annnd like to stay in and watch movies liiiike me and his parents are really strict so he only drinks sometimes liiiike me. and yeah we'll see what happens cause i don't think I'm completely ready to let jeremy go...
quote:
you're the worst actor
I've ever seen
but if this script
called for liars
you'd play the lead
I'm single bitches. crazy...8 months...8 FUCKING MONTHS and it ends terribly. I feel sick to my stomach about the whole ordeal, its like thinking you know someone and then having them turn around and show you something completely different. mostly though...i feel stupid, i feel like a complete fucking retard for thinking i knew what was happening..when i didn't at all. i feel like I'm getting laughed at completely although it's not from my friends or family but the one guy I was truly in love with. "yeah she like called me 1000 times a day". MAYBE ...just maybe...if you ever answered your fucking phone i wouldn't need to call you 1000 times a day and if you didn't want to answer your goddamn phone then you shouldn't have been with me in the first place! you shouldn't have led me on continuously, telling you really did love me and really did want to be with me WHEN YOU DIDN'T. when you never did. I'm going to grow up and talk to my daughters about what it was like to lose my virginity and I'm going to have to say...that i was cheated out of my virginity, that i THOUGHT i knew what i was getting myself into, that maybe we didn't LOVE eachother but we at least CARED enough about eachother but... not only did i not know what i was getting myself into and that he doesn't love me..HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME. no matter what people can say...you don't treat people you actually care about like this...never. and never in a million years would i ever think of treating anyone like this...ANYONE. okay so he didn't care about me...at least be fucking mature about the whole situation. not only is he a fucking immature jackass but what makes the whole situation worse...is that I'm still in love with him and always will be. yeah I'll fall in love again and hopefully in college we're i will meet some REAL men but it doesn't change the fact that as i type this he likes a girl named bethany and he's beginning to replace me and that after 8 months of my life...through thick and thin our smiles and laughs and sex and kissed and hugs and our cuddling and our normal conversations... meant nothing to him and this makes me sick to my fucking stomach. "oh hey kids, i definately lost my virginity to a fucking loser asshole who PRETENDED HE CARED ABOUT ME BUT THREW IT BACK IN MY FACE". ahhh great.
in other news... snow day on friday...pretty fucccking sweet.
smoked twice that day with steeeveee and walked our asses down to taco bell in the blizzard which is always awesome. oh and yeah chuggins has cancer and he's dying and as he begins to look more and more sick ... i feel myself dying along with him. saturday i worked and then went christmas shopping with steve and we met up with mike ..and mike.. and then caught up with emily and liz. meant bethany too by the way she's really nice which makes it really hard for me to not like her...because really i have no reason to considering jeremy is single and yeaahh. went into the mall with 120 and came out with 3 dollars and got 3 presents...hm awesome. today i had to work and some lady left her purse in the parking lot and i found it while doing carriages and brought it to the service desk and like 10 minutes later a frantic lady came looking for it so i was like oh yeah i brought it to the service desk and she was all grateful and she gave me $10! i have coffee/cigarette money now. i should probably read now. OH AND BY THE WAY. theres this kid at my work named richard (dorky i know) that is completely gorgeous and hes hispanic and goes to burncoat and hes so nice and hes in honor classes and we talked last night on the phone untiiiil 2:30 and hes calling me tonight =) annnnd fhdskgf hes gorgeous...did i mention that already? and he doesn't like going out alot like me annnd like to stay in and watch movies liiiike me and his parents are really strict so he only drinks sometimes liiiike me. and yeah we'll see what happens cause i don't think I'm completely ready to let jeremy go...
quote:
you're the worst actor
I've ever seen
but if this script
called for liars
you'd play the lead