rant.
I am irritated lately. Mainly by the fact that Luca absolutely will NOT sleep after 5am. Yesterday he woke me up at 445, today it was at 415am. I cant let him stay up without me being up too because he wont be quiet and stay in his room, so I have to get up too.
I know he doesn't understand that I have to sleep, but I go to bed at about 9-10 every night and NEED at least 7-8 hours of sleep because I am almost 30 weeks pregnant and tired all the time. Jayme says to get him up for days like this, but I know what a nightmare that would be in and of itself. Now, I feel like a horrible parent because I am awake this early and am EXTREMELY angry at Luca for making any sort of audible sound until its relatively close to time for the bus to get here. He just told me I hurt his feelings because I spanked him for throwing a plastic bag around for the last ten minutes, and it is making me homicidal because I cant get him to just SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET. I think tomorrow if he wakes up that early, I will be spanking him and making him go back to bed whether he likes it or not. I just can't deal with him being up and me having to do ANYTHING IN MY POWER to keep him from waking the whole fucking house up.
(HERE IS MY CONFESSION FOR MELODIE!!!)
That is one of only about three issues that I have at all with being in someone else's house, which is awesome because usually living with someone else other than my significant other causes tons more issues than we have had here. One of the other two issues is that it sucks having someone who doesn't even live here camping out on the couch downstairs like Jabba the Hutt 5 nights out of 7, which prevents us from being able to sleep AT ALL since the light is on all night and shines under our door, especially with our door open (which is the only way to cool it off down here at night, by the way). It also sucks because even though he just HAD to have this new awesome amazing set of headphones, he will crank the volume on his laptop up to loud-as-fuck levels and talk to people on chat for HOURS, without even considering that our 5 year old is TRYING to sleep just about 10 feet from him. He usually waits until everyone else is gone to bed and stays up downstairs until after sunrise. HE IS THE MAIN REASON WHY I CAN NOT SLEEP MOST NIGHTS PAST ABOUT 12-1. Once again, though, not my house so I cant really bitch too terribly much. I just try to lie there and pretend that I am sleeping. Its been really nice the last couple of days with him not here, I have to say.
The only other issue we have had is one that has already been discussed in passing with the lady of the house so no issue there. Thank god for someone who is understanding about us being here and who has given us a chance to try to get back on our feet. If I had to move back in with my mom and deal with my stepdad, it would be terrible because he just wouldn't understand that we can pay him rent, but it has to be in spurts and that we are both in school and that counts as working at least for Jayme. For me, I will be aiming for getting a decent job after I am all healed up from my C section with Dani.
Jayme usually doesn't go to sleep until well after midnight himself. That will change with the new baby, I know..but its insane right now. I am so angry and sleepy and just have too much extra shit to do to be lying in bed all day while the kids are at school. On top of it all, I have been given three MORE doctors to go see, and I just can't do it. I cant afford the gas and I cant afford the stupid ass parking that comes along with it. Who the hell wants to go to the doctor and have to pay for parking according to how long the visit is, when you KNOW that the visit is going to at least be 3-4 hours. Its like there is a conspiracy between the parking deck people and the doctors' offices or something. And then I lie there and have them try to get a picture of baby's heart, and she wont stay still enough to get a good pic, so they refer me to a pediatric cardiologist. Yay.. another doctor. The other two docs are for my benefit. I have kidney damage because of my high blood sugars over the years, they just arent sure how much, so they want me to go to a Nephrologist (kidney doc) to assess that. The cardiologist is because I am overweight, have high BP and have had high sugars for years.
Ya know--- had it not been so fucking expensive to get my insulin over the years, or so expensive to feed myself decent food, I probably wouldn't have ANY of these issues. I hate the cost of everything health care related. I honestly can not wait to get moved out of this country so that I can have decent health care that doesn't cost so much that I just cant afford any of it in the first place.
None of this is here nor there though, because for the moment, I cant change it. I am just sitting here two hours after being woken up, with my kid sitting on the couch behind me singing DO YOU LI-HIKE MAY-HAKING WORDS? over and over as loudly as he can whisper without me turning around and slapping the hell out of him. He has been doing this and various other irritating things since 4am. I love him, but I swear to god I want to just knock some decent sleep patterns into him sometimes. If he wakes me up tomorrow at 4am, I am just going to let Daddy deal with him--and I promise you--he wont forget that one. Never wake a sleeping cat up without expecting repercussions. /rant
I know he doesn't understand that I have to sleep, but I go to bed at about 9-10 every night and NEED at least 7-8 hours of sleep because I am almost 30 weeks pregnant and tired all the time. Jayme says to get him up for days like this, but I know what a nightmare that would be in and of itself. Now, I feel like a horrible parent because I am awake this early and am EXTREMELY angry at Luca for making any sort of audible sound until its relatively close to time for the bus to get here. He just told me I hurt his feelings because I spanked him for throwing a plastic bag around for the last ten minutes, and it is making me homicidal because I cant get him to just SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET. I think tomorrow if he wakes up that early, I will be spanking him and making him go back to bed whether he likes it or not. I just can't deal with him being up and me having to do ANYTHING IN MY POWER to keep him from waking the whole fucking house up.
(HERE IS MY CONFESSION FOR MELODIE!!!)
That is one of only about three issues that I have at all with being in someone else's house, which is awesome because usually living with someone else other than my significant other causes tons more issues than we have had here. One of the other two issues is that it sucks having someone who doesn't even live here camping out on the couch downstairs like Jabba the Hutt 5 nights out of 7, which prevents us from being able to sleep AT ALL since the light is on all night and shines under our door, especially with our door open (which is the only way to cool it off down here at night, by the way). It also sucks because even though he just HAD to have this new awesome amazing set of headphones, he will crank the volume on his laptop up to loud-as-fuck levels and talk to people on chat for HOURS, without even considering that our 5 year old is TRYING to sleep just about 10 feet from him. He usually waits until everyone else is gone to bed and stays up downstairs until after sunrise. HE IS THE MAIN REASON WHY I CAN NOT SLEEP MOST NIGHTS PAST ABOUT 12-1. Once again, though, not my house so I cant really bitch too terribly much. I just try to lie there and pretend that I am sleeping. Its been really nice the last couple of days with him not here, I have to say.
The only other issue we have had is one that has already been discussed in passing with the lady of the house so no issue there. Thank god for someone who is understanding about us being here and who has given us a chance to try to get back on our feet. If I had to move back in with my mom and deal with my stepdad, it would be terrible because he just wouldn't understand that we can pay him rent, but it has to be in spurts and that we are both in school and that counts as working at least for Jayme. For me, I will be aiming for getting a decent job after I am all healed up from my C section with Dani.
Jayme usually doesn't go to sleep until well after midnight himself. That will change with the new baby, I know..but its insane right now. I am so angry and sleepy and just have too much extra shit to do to be lying in bed all day while the kids are at school. On top of it all, I have been given three MORE doctors to go see, and I just can't do it. I cant afford the gas and I cant afford the stupid ass parking that comes along with it. Who the hell wants to go to the doctor and have to pay for parking according to how long the visit is, when you KNOW that the visit is going to at least be 3-4 hours. Its like there is a conspiracy between the parking deck people and the doctors' offices or something. And then I lie there and have them try to get a picture of baby's heart, and she wont stay still enough to get a good pic, so they refer me to a pediatric cardiologist. Yay.. another doctor. The other two docs are for my benefit. I have kidney damage because of my high blood sugars over the years, they just arent sure how much, so they want me to go to a Nephrologist (kidney doc) to assess that. The cardiologist is because I am overweight, have high BP and have had high sugars for years.
Ya know--- had it not been so fucking expensive to get my insulin over the years, or so expensive to feed myself decent food, I probably wouldn't have ANY of these issues. I hate the cost of everything health care related. I honestly can not wait to get moved out of this country so that I can have decent health care that doesn't cost so much that I just cant afford any of it in the first place.
None of this is here nor there though, because for the moment, I cant change it. I am just sitting here two hours after being woken up, with my kid sitting on the couch behind me singing DO YOU LI-HIKE MAY-HAKING WORDS? over and over as loudly as he can whisper without me turning around and slapping the hell out of him. He has been doing this and various other irritating things since 4am. I love him, but I swear to god I want to just knock some decent sleep patterns into him sometimes. If he wakes me up tomorrow at 4am, I am just going to let Daddy deal with him--and I promise you--he wont forget that one. Never wake a sleeping cat up without expecting repercussions. /rant