4 AM
It's been so long since i've posted a journal entry in here. I'm not even sure half the people read this anymore since myspace has become such a whore. Did i just say whore? Ha! Mommy's aren't suppose to swear.
Well for the most part i just needed to write to write and blogging on myspace seems too personal for at least this journal entry.
It's around 4. I wake up every night around 4 because that is when my baby is awake. But unfortunately my baby isn't with me, regardless i know she's awake. And i understand she's still so tiny and i understand if she were home with me this would be a place too big for her. But that knowledge still doesn't take away the fact that i want to run into the NICU and pull her from the cords and bellirubin lights and take her home to be in the big bed with Terry and I.
How in the world can i know she's awake? How in the world can my heart soar so high when i see her? How in the world can my tiredness melt away as i hold her in my arms? These feelings are so overwhelming so beautiful that i can't even begin to describe.
I want my baby home. I want her to drive me nuts and make me senile.
It's so hard to focus on the positives when i can't have the love of my life with me. Right now i just need to focus on getting my milk in and getting her bellirubin out. Then i can have her. I just wish i didn't know at 4 she was wondering where i was.
Well for the most part i just needed to write to write and blogging on myspace seems too personal for at least this journal entry.
It's around 4. I wake up every night around 4 because that is when my baby is awake. But unfortunately my baby isn't with me, regardless i know she's awake. And i understand she's still so tiny and i understand if she were home with me this would be a place too big for her. But that knowledge still doesn't take away the fact that i want to run into the NICU and pull her from the cords and bellirubin lights and take her home to be in the big bed with Terry and I.
How in the world can i know she's awake? How in the world can my heart soar so high when i see her? How in the world can my tiredness melt away as i hold her in my arms? These feelings are so overwhelming so beautiful that i can't even begin to describe.
I want my baby home. I want her to drive me nuts and make me senile.
It's so hard to focus on the positives when i can't have the love of my life with me. Right now i just need to focus on getting my milk in and getting her bellirubin out. Then i can have her. I just wish i didn't know at 4 she was wondering where i was.