Oh golly gee....
so right now im sitting photography not doing anything, talking to Matheau about the wake tonight for Erics brother Matt. Its sad... ive never had to go through this so many timesi n my entire life. Anyways, besides that Im talking to Joe again, or i should say he is talking to me, FINALLY! the only thing that sucks is we dont know how to be friends, so im not sure if this is going to turn into one of those all or nother things again. I dont want to ruin this friend thing, but its just weird being around him and not kissing him, or having him be like ohh sweety.. i dont know im fuckin retarded! I now i dont want a relationship with him because he doesnt want to move out of Mass, and next year im out of here, and there is NOTHING that is going to hold me back from going there and accomplishing what i want. He just isnt a positive influence, and i really dont need that to drag me down. However i love him in my life, i dont like to loose people who have been a major part of me, and he was for a VERY long time. I dont know anything, i dont even know what i want now a days... this is ridiculous.
Its kind of funny, because i sit back whenever im alone and realize that i cant decide things for shit. I want everything that anyone has to offer, even if it is hate... Im a whiner... its rather annoying actually.
Last night i was going to call Joe, and talk to him about everything. Like what the hell was his problem, why is it such an akward feeling with this friends thing, and why did he all of a sudden start talking to me... theres so much that i want to know but am too chicken to ask and find out. I dont want to ruin this friend thing, and turn it into a conversation where one of us gets hurt. I hate not knowing anything though. I dont even know if he really wants to be my friend, i think he was just sick of hearing from people how i bitched about how gay he was with the whole "no im not going to be in the same building as her, no im not even going to drive on the same road as her, no im never seeing or talking to her again" bullshit that he through out towards me. I would bitch about it constantly. Whatever/....
Im not going to put much thought into anything anymore, this is ridiculous, you would think that if i thought about it i would possibly figure it out. Except its the complete opposite, its making me even less informational about the topic than i was in the first place. Its just making me even more confused. This sucks.... why do i have to be heterosexual. i really wish i could just come to having sex with girls... it would be wonderful.. i think i would be capable of maintaining an awesome relationship in the lesbian world. Maybe... i doubt it. lol.. im a fuckin nut case! lol... whatever...
So here it goes to the end of my brain. Im going to be oblivious to EVERYTHING and only worry about what is nesseccary... that means school, working out, eating right, snowboarding, and friends ..and only friends! Cheers!
Its kind of funny, because i sit back whenever im alone and realize that i cant decide things for shit. I want everything that anyone has to offer, even if it is hate... Im a whiner... its rather annoying actually.
Last night i was going to call Joe, and talk to him about everything. Like what the hell was his problem, why is it such an akward feeling with this friends thing, and why did he all of a sudden start talking to me... theres so much that i want to know but am too chicken to ask and find out. I dont want to ruin this friend thing, and turn it into a conversation where one of us gets hurt. I hate not knowing anything though. I dont even know if he really wants to be my friend, i think he was just sick of hearing from people how i bitched about how gay he was with the whole "no im not going to be in the same building as her, no im not even going to drive on the same road as her, no im never seeing or talking to her again" bullshit that he through out towards me. I would bitch about it constantly. Whatever/....
Im not going to put much thought into anything anymore, this is ridiculous, you would think that if i thought about it i would possibly figure it out. Except its the complete opposite, its making me even less informational about the topic than i was in the first place. Its just making me even more confused. This sucks.... why do i have to be heterosexual. i really wish i could just come to having sex with girls... it would be wonderful.. i think i would be capable of maintaining an awesome relationship in the lesbian world. Maybe... i doubt it. lol.. im a fuckin nut case! lol... whatever...
So here it goes to the end of my brain. Im going to be oblivious to EVERYTHING and only worry about what is nesseccary... that means school, working out, eating right, snowboarding, and friends ..and only friends! Cheers!