My Bright Idea
This may seem like the dumbest thing I have ever said so listen closely. Mitchell decided he needed a good friend to talk to so after not speaking to him for almost a week other than the five minute conversation we had on Monday about his new job he calls me. Well it seems the dreaded ex once again kicked him to the curb I think this is the fourth time he has done this in the past three months he wants to see me so he can talk to me about her. Well I didn't go see him and he calls me later and pretty much tells me that my life is shit. Who is he to judge me? Honestly in all reailty he knows nothing about me. Except how I am in bed. He said he knew from the begining that we would only be friends so once again what is going thru his head? I need to get my priorities strait. Yeah in a sense he is right but I know what I want to do. He is going to be a damn mechanic his whole life. Yeah it is good money but it will take a toll on you. He was right we wouldn't have worked out all though he had no reason as to why except he seems to think I am going no where in life. I only work four hours a day. Bullshit. I worked two jobs for a year. I mean worked all day at one and then go straight into the other at one point I was working almost or more than fifty hours a week. But you know he didn't know me then when I was happy and I didn't really have a care in the world. I worked and spent time with CJ. That's all I did. Everyday for a year. I had money but I pissed it all away yeah. I think the problem with me and Mitchell is this. He wants to marry the next girl he dates. So right now I am not marriage material. DUH. I am fucking 19 years old. You cant base life on damn limits. I want or I will be married by 25 years old. He wants it so bad yet he can't make up his mind if he wants to be friends or more with me. See this is why I am always so damn confused. Yes it would be nice to be married at 25 but I am not going to live by that goal. If I did I would date someone I know I could be with my whole life. You miss out on things. Be young you only live once. You can't plan for everything in life. I mean come on. My top priority is simply this do what I want to do when I want to do it. How many of us a 19 are ready to get married and spend a lifetime with someone. Yes it is nice to have compainonship but right now it just needs to be relaxed and fun like it was in highschool. Even though CJ and I didn't have the perfect relationship it was still fun and exciting. That's what I want I don't want a serious relationship with someone but I want it to be like it was with him. When we first started dating and all I could think about was him. I want to feel the connection when we kiss. I want to take it slow once again before actually having sex. Honestly if I could take it back I would have only been with him right now. Nobody else. I wouldn't have been used so many times. I wouldn't have felt so much heartache. I think that for right now I just need to breathe and think more about connecting with someone than jumping strait into bed with them. Maybe thats where I have messed up. CJ and I dated for a year before we had sex and it never really became an issue(until I became a frigid bitch and wouldn't let him touch me.) Thats what I miss. Every guy I have been with since we broke up I have known for a very short period of time. The serious ones. Cody and Mitchell. Yes I care about Cody and I care about Mitchell but all the guys I have been with it just never felt the same. I don't know. This time the next guy I meet and start talking to I want to take it slow. I want to know there are actually feelings there before I do anything sexual. That's what I want. If I have to wait for it I will. I am not setting a deadline on anything because I know things take time.