Sapphira's birth story
It has taken me awhile to post this because Sapphira did indeed decide to make her entrance into our world a grand one!
Here are the details most people want to know,
name: Sapphira Leeona
d.o.b: 12-10-10
weight: 6lbs 10oz
length: 20inches
And now for some details about her arrival.
We'll start on Thursday 12-9-10.
I had been having some pretty regular but not terribly intense contractions and was scheduled to be seen at the hospital for my non stress test at 10am, the appointment went fine. They measured my fluid levels again and said they were at 31cm. This again is rather high, the normal being 5-25cm. So the dr. did come and talk to me about the problem with that level of fluid. Stating that she was concerned that if I had my water break at home with such high fluid levels the chances of Sapphira's cord coming through my cervix before he head could settle into it and in the way of the cord were pretty high. Meaning that if I were in the hospital and this happened they would rush me to the OR and I'd have a c-section, but if I were at home and this happened my baby would die. No one should ever tell someone that their baby will die... first off God is 100% bigger than your circumstances and 2nd it is just not good bedside manor to scare a person into submission.
So they tell me that since I'm contracting pretty regularly and since I'm already dialated to 4cm (via my appointment the day before with my midwife) I should go over to labor and delivery and have my midwife strip my membranes again (the third time). I agree'd to it thinking that maybe I could cancel my appointment for friday if I had it done now... not that I thought it would work.
So Patrick and I go to L&D and the midwife hasn't fully been told what is happening, she asked me if I felt like I was in labor and I said no, but that I was contracting and they wanted me to come here from the NST and have my membranes stripped again. She agrees (happily I might add) to do it checks my cervix while Patrick takes Caeden to the hall to play or walk or something, and then Denice (midwife) tells me that I've gone from 4cm 25% effaced yesterday to 4cm 50% effaced today, and that she'd like to check me in, but since I didn't feel like I was in labor she swept the membranes and wanted me to come back at 1:30pm to be checked again and we'd go from there. I agree and then I call My friend Carrie who has previously agree'd to take care of Caeden whenever I went into labor. I told her what was happening and she came to pick him up. By the time she arrived I did indeed feel like I was in labor but I didn't let it stop me from moving around because I didn't want anything to stall me out this time.
We said our little good byes to Caeden and got hugs and kisses and then he did the oddest thing, he wrapped his arm around Carries back and just cuddled up to her. Like he didn't even care, he just wanted to cuddle someone and she was holding him so he was going to cuddle her.
by that time we still had an hour until we were supposed to go upstairs so we walked around, got some water, used teh restrooms and walked some more, we were pretty bored, but the contractions still felt real enough.. still not as strong as I expected but strong enough that I had to stop walking and couldn't really concentrate on my words at times.
We showed up on time to be checked but both my midwife and her back up plan (another midwife) were busy so I wasnt checked until about 2:30pm at which point they informed me that I was now 6cm and 50% effaced. So I agreed that I should be checked in and we talked about my plans. Deniece agreed that going about things naturally was an ok plan, she said they wouldn't break my water unless things stalled out and I agree'd to it. I agree'd to have the IV block or whatever they are called be put in place for precautionary purposes, I didn't want it at all but for some reason I just decided it was a good idea and not to argue with the midwife on it. And she agree'd that I could sip and chip (sip liquid eat ice chips) to avoid an IV drip so I didn't have to be hooked up to anything and could move around freely during labor. In the end I was happy with her willingness to work with me and felt like things were more give and take instead of all the doom and gloom I'd previously gotten from her.
I sent out one text message to inform people that I was being admitted and then my phone was SWAMPED with texts, Deniece had just swept my membranes a 4th time and the contractions had gotten a little stronger than before, I needed to concentrate through them, though I still didn't feel like they were really that big of a deal. Big enough to go to L&D but just not painful like other people describe them. I just couldn't respond to all those text messages, and then the phone calls from people that apparently thought we should have answered their texts. I didn't answer those either, one of them was my grandpa,, who I rarely ever talk to, Patrick answered and tried to talk to him, but it was a difficult conversation because Grandpa's hearing isn't the greatest, so he cut it short when he realized I wasn't going to talk.
After being checked in and getting an IV from a very nice Male nurse we were turned over by request to a female nurse, and from that point on every two hours they checked my dialation. check in was a rather long process but by 8pm I was 7-8cm 80% effaced, at 11pm I was 8cm 80% effaced, 12:15am I was 9cm 90% effaced, and 2am ish I was still at 9 and 90... so they decided to go ahead and break the water... I wasn't happy but not sad either about this, for some reason I just accepted it, I was so close how could anything go wrong this close? Patrick had practically been pressuring me to do it all along I didnt even think to see what he thought, but sitting next to me he wasnt saying anything about how uncomfortable he was with them breaking my water.
They broke the water and the nurse stayed but everyone else left, thinking they'd be back to deliver this baby very soon... who would have known how quickly things change! I didnt leak as much fluid when they broke the water as I thought I would, it surprized us all a bit I think. But it took her a long time to get it done too.
The first contraction after she broke my water was not even painful just odd, the more my uterus clamped down the more fluid came gushing out, and the contraction was over before it found any resistance, but the bed was soaked. my nurse took away the towels and things and gave me fresh ones just in time for contraction #2... same thing happened, so much liquid that there was no resistance nothing about it hurt, just felt like someone turned on a faucet that just wouldnt shut off. THis time it not only soaked the towels but the bed too the nurse fixed that up and then she noticed that Sapphira's heart rate had dropped to 50 bmp. I still wasn't scared, surely the monitor was just not catching it correctly. Then she lost her heart beat all together, I actuall wasn't aware of that part, as I was concentrating on praying because a midwife was shoving her hand up my vagina to check for a cord prolapse. And she found one.. and I started to pray even more, explaining to God that this wasn't the plan. As if he didn't already know and hear my thousands of prayers regarding c-sections and medical intervention through this whole pregnancy and Caeden's.
Things happened quickly, I heard someone say that I was pushing, which if I were it was not on purpose, I didn't even feel like I was pushing, so I asked 'what do you need me to do?' and no one answered, I asked again and still no one was listening to me. They got me rushed into the OR, I remember the big lights and knew it was the OR, but I didn't really see anything else, they helped me onto the oporating table, someon kept telling me I was doing great and I just kept asking them to let me know what I could do, I wanted to be as complient as I could.. but no one answered me. I was freaking out, so I concentrated on prayers.. someone asked for my arm for the IV, I knew there were a lot of people, I could hear their voices but I never saw any faces. just someone telling me 'you're doing great mommy" and "I need her IV, which hand, stretch our your arm sweety" and then I opened my eyes and there was a sheet in front of my face, and I never knew they'd put it there, last time I looked up I saw the big oporating light, this was different, and before I had time to process the sheet they cut me. I was awake and they wer CUTTING ME.. I jumped and they held me down and the woman standing to my left said "Mommy can feel that, she's crying" I was, I was totally freaking out... I never once worried for Sapphira, I was calm in regards to her safety, I don't know why but I trusted God on that.. what I didn't have calm about was the c-section.. I was training to be a doula, I knew all the facts about labor positions and walking to lower baby and breathing techniques, and that one intervention often leads to another, I'd just labored for an entire day progressing slowly and enjoying the experience, I hadn't been in pain at all, and suddenly everything changed and they were cutting me, I was feeling it all. I wondered how much more I'd feel and a mask flew onto my face, one exchanged for another, the first was oxygen, the second who knows, but the voice that had asked for my hand with the IV was now telling me to breathe deeply.. I wanted to comply, I was trying to but I was totally freaked out and crying and a bit hysterical. Writing this out I can't keep the tears from my eyes... the memory isn't so vivid really, I think the drugs kind of took parts of it away, but it is more of a mourning, a loss of the perfect experience and the loss of a future home birth.. I said I would have my next child at home if I labored and delivered this one on my own in a hospital, I just know I can't do that now.. I don't want to, and at the moment I don't even want to think about birthing another child, but I still feel the loss of my dreams. The loss of the one where I'd never be cut by a surgeon..
I know that all that I went through served a wonderful purpose, and that I have this beautiful promise from God, my Sapphire... my Sapphira Leeona, and I wont and never would trade her for a better birth story, but I still feel the loss... I still feel the incision, I will always have the scar. And I know that it will always remind me of my strength in times of trial, and God's greatness, but it is a hard scar to bear, the loss of so many dreams.
During the time that they were wheeling me to the OR with the midwife still on the bed pressing her hand through my cervix to keep the pressure of Sapphira's head off the cord I heard someone hollar at Patrick that he needed a gown before he could go into the OR. And I didn't hear his voice, I figured someone had taken him to put something on so he could be with me, I didn't worry about it, I figured he would be there soon... but I was wrong, what actually happened is that somewhere sometime Patrick hit the ground. He isn't a faintish or weak man, he just suddenly was faced with loosing his daughter, the one he hoped to have that heart stopping feeling of love about, since he didn't react the way he hoped with Caeden's birth, and that his wife (though he wasn't worried for me) was being rushed to surgery there was no time to adjust to the facts, and he hit the ground. He said he didn't even fully loose consciousness, but after that happened they wouldn't let him come to the OR with me... They did bring Sapphira to him as soon as she was born... she calmed his nerves and he took over her care. refusing anyone who offered her a bottle until I was recovered. I had lost one dream, and my husband preserved my others... I'm so grateful to him! They informed me that her apgars were good, 8 and 9, the 8 was only because of her color at birth, but she was conscious and was able to go straight out to Daddy. They also said that her blood sugar was normal.. which I don't know if I really care about that, there isn't any evidence of what normal is for an infant at birth, but for the sake of Praising God I'm glad that she was within normal for this hospital's standards because it meant less pressure on Patrick to give her a bottle.
It was probably 4 hours before I was awake and able to see her... at first I only saw Patrick, and honestly though I wanted to see her I couldn't feel connected to her, she was there in my belly and then she was just gone... I didn't feel the loss yet, I couldn't even feel my belly... how would I have even known I wasn't pregnant, I was so drugged and disillusioned. After a little while though it was obvious that I wasn't going to see my baby for awhile so I made Patrick go back to be with her he kissed me several times, and told me he loved me and left.
I was on so much medicine I know that I thought she was beautiful when I saw her but I don't honestly remember the moment I did see her. I can't imagine the time inbetween being away from her and the time that I've not let her away from me (except when they have to run their little tests on her and take her to the nursery). She is my constant complanion now.. and I think she is gorgeous, so tiny and perfect. Daddy calls her a little geek cause she doesn't have much of a chin, but Daddy called Caeden a little geek too, so no worries... Daddy also calls mommy and himself a geek so I guess it just runs in our family.
She has really dark brown hair, with just the tiniest spot of blond by her left ear, it makes me think she will have blond hair as she gets older. My own hair started out this color and then changed to blonde, but we will see... i never imagined Caeden's hair would stay red, and it did, so maybe I've got a little brunette on my hands? Her eyes are different than Caeden's as well, his were a milky grey, Patrick and I always wanted him to keep that color but they are now brown. Fia's eyes are more of a steel or dark blue... She has long fingers and skiny skiny long toes. her nose is tiny her face is not chubby like Caedens, but then she weighs and entire pound less than he did at birth too... so I guess things could change. But I think she looks more like I did as a baby, just without the chub.. I was 3lbs bigger than she is when i was born, but there are similarities that are undeniable.
I love this beautiful little creature! My precious Sapphira, my promise from God!
Isaiah 54:11 O afflicted on, storm-tossed, and not comforted, I am about to set your stones in antimony, and lay your foundations with Sapphires.
Sapphira is Hebrew for Sapphire, and both words mean Beautiful.
Leeona is a combination of my grandmother's middle name (Lee) and my own middle name (Lon) which is a shortened version of my father's name (Lonnie), and her initials (SLM) have been the initials of the women in my family for 4 generations now that Sapphira is here.
Sharon Lee Begerow begot Suzan Lynn Begerow and was divorced from her husband and remarried Ron Miller changing her name to Sharon Lee Miller
Suzan Lynn Begerow grew up and married Lonnie Miller (no relation to Ron Miller) changing her name to Suzan Miller and begot Samantha Lon Miller
Samantha Lon Miller (myself) grew up and married Patrick Mehaffey, changing her name to Samantha Lon Mehaffey, and begot Sapphira Leeona Mehaffey.
4 generations of SLM's .... I think it is rather special considering how a woman's name is so apt to change.
Thanks for reading Sapphira's birth story.
Samantha