Quiting is such sweet sorrow
I'm feeling twitchy, and there's a good reason. I haven't had a cigarette in 1 day 17 hours and 12 minutes. I don't know the seconds. Nicotine gum is my friend, but not a good, pick me up at the airport friend, more of just a passing acquaintance. I'm still edgy, just not killing everyone with death thoughts edgy. I quit cold turkey once, it's not pretty, in a desperate attempt to fill the nicotine hole I drank cold coffee that had been sitting out all day. Fun stuff.
Besides being twitchy I've noticed in the absence of smoking how much I structured my day around it. Get up, cigarette and coffee, cigarette before biking to work (Lance Armstrong would be so proud), cigarette before heading into work, periodic cigarette breaks at work (a good excuse to get away from the unit for a bit), and so on. It's sad, and maybe it's the withdrawal talking, but in a way I don't know what to do with myself without that framework. I mean spending a whole 8 hours working, how awful.
I must remember the positive aspects of quitting. I can lecture alcoholics and heroin addicts without feeling hypocritical. I won't have to put up with nagging from concerned but pushy friends (I don't lecture you about your poor life decisions do I? Well unless I'm at work) Think of all the money I'll save that I can spend on crystal meth or pornography. I won't have people bumming cigs off me. Now it's my turn! If I choose to, which I won't because smoking is bad. . .very bad. . .bad. . .yes. . .sweet sweet smoking is bad.
So why did I quit? No one reason. In my mind there is a set of scales, on one scale are the reasons I smoke: inertia, stress, addiction, looking sophisticated, accumulating enough Marlboro miles for a ranch house. On the other scale are the reasons to quit: health concerns, money, social acceptability slightly above lepers. What tipped the scales for quitting? Peter Jennings and a cold. OK let's be honest it wasn't really a cold it was bronchitis or something like it. Most of the time cognitive dissonance and denial are enough to go on, but when you're hacking up green sputum it tends to dispel certain illusions. So I was suffering through the "cold" continuing to smoke and then Jennings kicked it. It percolated a few days and then Wednesday afternoon I woke up wheezing and coughing in the heat and humidity and I decided that was enough. It would be more onerous to continue smoking than to quit.
Let's hope it sticks. Don't smoke kids, use IV drugs.
Besides being twitchy I've noticed in the absence of smoking how much I structured my day around it. Get up, cigarette and coffee, cigarette before biking to work (Lance Armstrong would be so proud), cigarette before heading into work, periodic cigarette breaks at work (a good excuse to get away from the unit for a bit), and so on. It's sad, and maybe it's the withdrawal talking, but in a way I don't know what to do with myself without that framework. I mean spending a whole 8 hours working, how awful.
I must remember the positive aspects of quitting. I can lecture alcoholics and heroin addicts without feeling hypocritical. I won't have to put up with nagging from concerned but pushy friends (I don't lecture you about your poor life decisions do I? Well unless I'm at work) Think of all the money I'll save that I can spend on crystal meth or pornography. I won't have people bumming cigs off me. Now it's my turn! If I choose to, which I won't because smoking is bad. . .very bad. . .bad. . .yes. . .sweet sweet smoking is bad.
So why did I quit? No one reason. In my mind there is a set of scales, on one scale are the reasons I smoke: inertia, stress, addiction, looking sophisticated, accumulating enough Marlboro miles for a ranch house. On the other scale are the reasons to quit: health concerns, money, social acceptability slightly above lepers. What tipped the scales for quitting? Peter Jennings and a cold. OK let's be honest it wasn't really a cold it was bronchitis or something like it. Most of the time cognitive dissonance and denial are enough to go on, but when you're hacking up green sputum it tends to dispel certain illusions. So I was suffering through the "cold" continuing to smoke and then Jennings kicked it. It percolated a few days and then Wednesday afternoon I woke up wheezing and coughing in the heat and humidity and I decided that was enough. It would be more onerous to continue smoking than to quit.
Let's hope it sticks. Don't smoke kids, use IV drugs.