SWEET HOLY FUCK
Those of you who know me well--actually, those of you who know me at all--know that I am scared pissless of insects. The only two exceptions to this rule are flies and ants, and that's only if I know it's an ant or a fly. If I hear a buzzing in the air, I assume it is a swarm of killer bees until I have visual confirmation that it is certainly more harmless. This fear, by the way, included insects of all sizes and colors; as well as arachnids (which I know technically are not insects).
My friends get a laugh because when I do see a bug, I tend to be replaced by a smoke cloud in the shape of Doug, while the real me is suddenly 50 yards away, covered in a cold sweat. When I feel a mosquito or anything else near my body, I tend to smack myself silly, hoping that the invader becomes collateral damage. "Hey Doug, check out this spider!" they say as they pretend to throw a spider towards me. Then they laugh until they cry as I scramble up the wall to get away.
See how its eyes glow like the devil?
The irony is that when I was a young guy, not only did I not find insects scary (except spiders and bees, those were always scary), I used to love preying mantises so much that I would hunt them to keep as pets until they would die from neglect. Now they make me turn tail like a crook when Batman arrives. If you want to keep Doug away, just throw down a few dead (they're just as scary) grasshoppers and beetles.
My friends get a laugh because when I do see a bug, I tend to be replaced by a smoke cloud in the shape of Doug, while the real me is suddenly 50 yards away, covered in a cold sweat. When I feel a mosquito or anything else near my body, I tend to smack myself silly, hoping that the invader becomes collateral damage. "Hey Doug, check out this spider!" they say as they pretend to throw a spider towards me. Then they laugh until they cry as I scramble up the wall to get away.
See how its eyes glow like the devil?
The irony is that when I was a young guy, not only did I not find insects scary (except spiders and bees, those were always scary), I used to love preying mantises so much that I would hunt them to keep as pets until they would die from neglect. Now they make me turn tail like a crook when Batman arrives. If you want to keep Doug away, just throw down a few dead (they're just as scary) grasshoppers and beetles.