(no subject)
I guess i never really thought about using lj as someone to talk to. I always end up having so much on my mind, and no one to talk to about it. It sucks.
I've been feeling kinda lonely lately. Actually, really lonely. I'm always stuck in my house, with not a darn thing to do. I'm trying to get a job, and even that has brought it's own complications. My dad doubts I'm going to be able to make it in college. He doesn't even think i'll make it back to PBA. That kills me. My own father. I feel like I need a shrink, or something. I do need to start going to see a christian psychiatrist so that I CAN go back to PBA. I always end up feeling this way when I come back home. Like there's STILL something missing. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and change things. People change over time, and I understand that, but I feel like life would be better if some things were different. Why can't people understand that global warming is going on? Why is it people get pissed off when I tell them not to litter? WHAT THE F!? Honestly... you have to litter THAT badly? JEEZUM. Why is it people can't pick up their dog's shit? Why do people have to be racist, or against gays, or against any certain type of person? This world isn't one I wish I was a part of. I wish I could be part of a loving, caring world. Where everyone was different, but everyone loved everyone else equally. I wish people would realize what they're doing by spreading hate. It just seems ridiculous to me that people would think someone with a different color skin is less of a person. THEY'RE FUCKING DARKER SO THEY CAN LIVE IN HOTTER SUNNIER CLIMATES YOU FUCKING MORONS NOT BECAUSE THEY'RE LESS THEN YOU! Furthermore... what the fuck is up with everyone ALWAYS saying, oh ladies first! FUCK THAT SHIT. Women want equal rights... so give it to them. No more ladies first. That's just crap. When was the last time someone saw a female open the door for her boyfriend? It doesn't happen. On top of everything, the Celts lost tonight. But, they're still gonna with in 5, I'm .calling it out.
I wish I had some money. I hate being broke. I can't afford anything. I literally have no money and no way of getting it. I'm supposed to have a job at Friendly's, but it seems like everyone there is jerks. I've called so many times and the gm is supposedly never there. They haven't even told him I called! I finally got someone to tell me when he was going to be in, so tomorrow I should be able to talk to him, FINALLY. Hopefully I'll still be able to work there, and hopefully soon.
I want to dance in the rain. I want to watch movies. I want to just sit there and smoke a cigarette. I want to walk to a huge old tree and sit there by the water. I want to smoke hookah, and sit in the back, the "vip". i want to watch the stars on the beach, listening to crazy music. I want to dance naked around a fire, listening to the drums. I want to go to church. I want to eat a salad with tons of chinese noodles and way to much ranch dressing. I want a grilled cheese. I want to watch the lunar eclipse. I want to go to a nature preserve and sit there singing songs around a fire that I helped build. I want to sit in a classroom and watch Lost until I almost fall asleep, or until security comes knocking on the door. I want to just hang out and do nothing. I miss everything. Things are so much different in NH. I miss florida... I miss you. I want to walk down the street and see you with that smile on your face. I want to hold you in my arms again. I want you to look me in the eyes and kiss me. I want to be able to do all these things, so simple, with you. I wish I could talk to you right now. I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you again.
I don't even know why I'm freaking out right now. I'm crying, and I hate it. Seriously, there's no reason for it. AHHHHH. No one is online, I have no one to talk to right now. I DON'T EVEN HAVE A DAMN CIGARETTE.
I've been feeling kinda lonely lately. Actually, really lonely. I'm always stuck in my house, with not a darn thing to do. I'm trying to get a job, and even that has brought it's own complications. My dad doubts I'm going to be able to make it in college. He doesn't even think i'll make it back to PBA. That kills me. My own father. I feel like I need a shrink, or something. I do need to start going to see a christian psychiatrist so that I CAN go back to PBA. I always end up feeling this way when I come back home. Like there's STILL something missing. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and change things. People change over time, and I understand that, but I feel like life would be better if some things were different. Why can't people understand that global warming is going on? Why is it people get pissed off when I tell them not to litter? WHAT THE F!? Honestly... you have to litter THAT badly? JEEZUM. Why is it people can't pick up their dog's shit? Why do people have to be racist, or against gays, or against any certain type of person? This world isn't one I wish I was a part of. I wish I could be part of a loving, caring world. Where everyone was different, but everyone loved everyone else equally. I wish people would realize what they're doing by spreading hate. It just seems ridiculous to me that people would think someone with a different color skin is less of a person. THEY'RE FUCKING DARKER SO THEY CAN LIVE IN HOTTER SUNNIER CLIMATES YOU FUCKING MORONS NOT BECAUSE THEY'RE LESS THEN YOU! Furthermore... what the fuck is up with everyone ALWAYS saying, oh ladies first! FUCK THAT SHIT. Women want equal rights... so give it to them. No more ladies first. That's just crap. When was the last time someone saw a female open the door for her boyfriend? It doesn't happen. On top of everything, the Celts lost tonight. But, they're still gonna with in 5, I'm .calling it out.
I wish I had some money. I hate being broke. I can't afford anything. I literally have no money and no way of getting it. I'm supposed to have a job at Friendly's, but it seems like everyone there is jerks. I've called so many times and the gm is supposedly never there. They haven't even told him I called! I finally got someone to tell me when he was going to be in, so tomorrow I should be able to talk to him, FINALLY. Hopefully I'll still be able to work there, and hopefully soon.
I want to dance in the rain. I want to watch movies. I want to just sit there and smoke a cigarette. I want to walk to a huge old tree and sit there by the water. I want to smoke hookah, and sit in the back, the "vip". i want to watch the stars on the beach, listening to crazy music. I want to dance naked around a fire, listening to the drums. I want to go to church. I want to eat a salad with tons of chinese noodles and way to much ranch dressing. I want a grilled cheese. I want to watch the lunar eclipse. I want to go to a nature preserve and sit there singing songs around a fire that I helped build. I want to sit in a classroom and watch Lost until I almost fall asleep, or until security comes knocking on the door. I want to just hang out and do nothing. I miss everything. Things are so much different in NH. I miss florida... I miss you. I want to walk down the street and see you with that smile on your face. I want to hold you in my arms again. I want you to look me in the eyes and kiss me. I want to be able to do all these things, so simple, with you. I wish I could talk to you right now. I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you again.
I don't even know why I'm freaking out right now. I'm crying, and I hate it. Seriously, there's no reason for it. AHHHHH. No one is online, I have no one to talk to right now. I DON'T EVEN HAVE A DAMN CIGARETTE.