geez...
saw this quote the other day and really made me think.....
This isn't a perfect world, people do get hurt. You smile when you feel like crying, you act like you're okay when you're falling apart inside. You try to let go, you try to move on, beccause you know there is nothing else you can do.
WOW.
that right there pretty much sums up my entire life...ya see..i'm one of those people who wants EVERYONE else to be happy before i EVER think of my own feelings. yea i know ..sometime you gotta do what's best for you, but i honestly dont even care most of the time. there are SO many times when it has come down to me getting hurt or someone else and i have taken the pain. it's just what i do. i let everyone think that i'm fine and then inside i'm torn apart, yet i keep my smile on and act like everything is ok!...in some ways i wanna say that this quality sucks, but on other hand i think it's good due to the underlying fact that i'm making other people's lives easier. i cant even begin to think of things i have just let go and opportunities i haven't taken because of fear of rejection or something like that...i am an extermely confident person, dont get me wrong, but when it comes to letting people know how I personally feel on certain things, shit i might as well not even exist lol... shit happens to everyone i just don't let what happens to me affect me or anyone else externally, i hide it all inside and just move on knowing that life goes on and i'll be better after time, guess that's just what i've come to learn after all this time. i feel like if i let MY emotions out or if i get them involved in what i'm enduring that it will only make it harder and will just let people see the real me. yea i'm real to everyone and i don't hide behind a mask, but i honestly think i am way too much of a pushover and i let people get away with hurting me too often. i really just want everyone else to be happy and i think that in return i too will be happy. but guess not...i've realized this over the past few weeks and i'm kinda not likin it but i am afraid to change because if there's one thing i hate it is to let people see my weaknesses. perhaps i should work on this, and i probably will, but it just is gonna take some time and all. i know my feelings are important i just feel that other people's are more important and i want to keep them happy. it just comes down to me being able to decide whether i want to get hurt anymore or not...and i don't...so guess now it's all up to me....we'll see how it goes huh? ....
well in other news..lol school is goin alright thsu far..did good on my math test today and on my psych. test last week so that's a YAY for sure! i'm goin home NEXT weekend, which is Valentine's Day... as well as my brother's BIRTHDAY!...as for my weekend at home LAST weekend...it was....to say the least...eventful...but we won't go into that..i'm still not at the point where i wanna talk about it...we'll just say somethin that i thought was gonna turn out to be a really good thing...DIDNT...which sucks in some ways and is good in others...all in all i'm ok with it now and i've still got hope for better things to come and eventually it will be up on here for you guys to read about....
just wanna say i had a GREAT night tonight with the girls (Rach, Em, Aerd, and Laura)! i'm glad we went and hung out and saw that AMAZING movie! hehe you girls are AWESOME! it's good to have a few girls to hang out with like that....
until next time...
This isn't a perfect world, people do get hurt. You smile when you feel like crying, you act like you're okay when you're falling apart inside. You try to let go, you try to move on, beccause you know there is nothing else you can do.
WOW.
that right there pretty much sums up my entire life...ya see..i'm one of those people who wants EVERYONE else to be happy before i EVER think of my own feelings. yea i know ..sometime you gotta do what's best for you, but i honestly dont even care most of the time. there are SO many times when it has come down to me getting hurt or someone else and i have taken the pain. it's just what i do. i let everyone think that i'm fine and then inside i'm torn apart, yet i keep my smile on and act like everything is ok!...in some ways i wanna say that this quality sucks, but on other hand i think it's good due to the underlying fact that i'm making other people's lives easier. i cant even begin to think of things i have just let go and opportunities i haven't taken because of fear of rejection or something like that...i am an extermely confident person, dont get me wrong, but when it comes to letting people know how I personally feel on certain things, shit i might as well not even exist lol... shit happens to everyone i just don't let what happens to me affect me or anyone else externally, i hide it all inside and just move on knowing that life goes on and i'll be better after time, guess that's just what i've come to learn after all this time. i feel like if i let MY emotions out or if i get them involved in what i'm enduring that it will only make it harder and will just let people see the real me. yea i'm real to everyone and i don't hide behind a mask, but i honestly think i am way too much of a pushover and i let people get away with hurting me too often. i really just want everyone else to be happy and i think that in return i too will be happy. but guess not...i've realized this over the past few weeks and i'm kinda not likin it but i am afraid to change because if there's one thing i hate it is to let people see my weaknesses. perhaps i should work on this, and i probably will, but it just is gonna take some time and all. i know my feelings are important i just feel that other people's are more important and i want to keep them happy. it just comes down to me being able to decide whether i want to get hurt anymore or not...and i don't...so guess now it's all up to me....we'll see how it goes huh? ....
well in other news..lol school is goin alright thsu far..did good on my math test today and on my psych. test last week so that's a YAY for sure! i'm goin home NEXT weekend, which is Valentine's Day... as well as my brother's BIRTHDAY!...as for my weekend at home LAST weekend...it was....to say the least...eventful...but we won't go into that..i'm still not at the point where i wanna talk about it...we'll just say somethin that i thought was gonna turn out to be a really good thing...DIDNT...which sucks in some ways and is good in others...all in all i'm ok with it now and i've still got hope for better things to come and eventually it will be up on here for you guys to read about....
just wanna say i had a GREAT night tonight with the girls (Rach, Em, Aerd, and Laura)! i'm glad we went and hung out and saw that AMAZING movie! hehe you girls are AWESOME! it's good to have a few girls to hang out with like that....
until next time...