just a conspiracy of cartographers
I have this fear - if that's the right word for it, and it may not be - of wanting things. I don't like wanting something I can't afford, have, win or achieve. The moment I admit a desire I have an obligation to realize it or else . . .
or else what? I'm a failure? I'm deficient? I don't like the way that desire makes me vulnerable. This goes doubly for things of an emotional nature. Wanting comfort. Support. Patience. Sex. Love. I'm still hardening up around some soft, wounded part of me and I haven't found the stretch, the pressure, the touch necessary to release it.
or else what? I'm a failure? I'm deficient? I don't like the way that desire makes me vulnerable. This goes doubly for things of an emotional nature. Wanting comfort. Support. Patience. Sex. Love. I'm still hardening up around some soft, wounded part of me and I haven't found the stretch, the pressure, the touch necessary to release it.